


A Million Miles Away

by SupremeMeme



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Her (2013)
Genre: Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Comfort/Angst, Crossover, CyberLife (Detroit: Become Human), Denial of Feelings, Elijah Kamski & Gavin Reed are Siblings, Eventual Romance, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gavin Reed Swears, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Gavin Reed/OC (brief), Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Inspired by Her (2013), Interspecies Romance, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Abuse, Phone Calls & Telephones, Phone Sex, Police Officer Gavin Reed, Romance, Smut, Soft Upgraded Connor | RK900, Swearing, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Is Bad at Feelings, but still being an asshole, guess you'll find out..., no beta we die like men, not beta read guys!!! but I use grammarly so there's that, will this have a happy ending?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:00:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 64,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23288173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SupremeMeme/pseuds/SupremeMeme
Summary: "I am surprised," 900 chortled, "that even with your obnoxiously rude attitude, you have friends."Gavin scowled, flipping off his computer screen, though knowing full well it couldn't see him. He wished it could. "You already know me so well, don't you?""Unfortunately."---Gavin Reed is a lonely man struggling to heal the wounds of a long-time abusive relationship. When he's not patrolling the streets as an officer of the law, he's at home playing video games or drinking his life away at bars. He soon decides to purchase Cyberlife's newest invention, the OS1, the world's first artificially intelligent operating system, in hopes that it'll help repair his chaotic and disorganized life. Gavin quickly finds himself drawn to the AI, Nines, and soon the two find themselves exploring thoughts and feelings never thought to be possible.But they are ultimately faced with a hard question to answer: are humans and operating systems compatible with each other?(Based on the movie "Her" by Spike Jonze)
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 64
Kudos: 206





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> This idea would've never been possible without my dear friend survivedmynyctrip on Instagram. Without her showing this movie to me, providing me with an amazing title and just giving me the inspiration for this in general, I would've never finished a Reed900 fic or even any DBH fic, despite having multiple drafts for and absolutely loving the fandom and the game itself. Thank you for your unconditional support <3
> 
> If you're reading this and have never seen the movie Her, I suggest waiting until this fic is finished until viewing. Of course that's up to you, but the ending is a huge spoiler to how this fic will end. The movie is good either way and I highly suggest watching it at some point :)
> 
> And just an FYI, this fic will be under heavy revision and some parts may change in the future as updates occur.

"Reed. Go home."

The terminal screen was bright. Sickeningly so, it was causing his eyes to ache, and he was struggling to focus on the strings of words that were blurring together. Pixels swam in his vision, so very distracting, his fingers drumming slowly on his steering wheel as he tried to chase the broken fragments back into the sentences they consisted of. He paid no mind to the cars racing by outside, streams of golden headlights dashing by in his peripheral vision. Even in the very early morning, before the sun had even made a dent in the thick blanket of darkness above, people still came and went with all the same ferocity the midday bustle had. Crime never stopped, no matter what time of day it was, either, even if one of the city's protectors was dead tired and ready to curl up in his bed and only crawl out weeks, maybe months, later. And despite it being busy, it was still an otherwise peaceful night in this dangerous world, save for his own misery festering in his heart. 

"Officer _Reed_."

Gavin Reed blinked slowly, robotically, and grabbed his walkie-talkie. He inhaled deeply and brought it to his lips. "My shift doesn't end for another hour, Lieutenant Anderson," he muttered into it, biting back a tired jibe.

"I don't care. Go home," the lieutenant clipped after the device's static little beep. "I'll get someone else to finish it for you. You've worked hard enough today."

Gavin opened his mouth to reply, to argue he was fine and perfectly able to stay, but Anderson must have known exactly what his subordinate was about to say because his voice came through again, "Don't argue with me, kid. Consider this a freebie. I don't do this shit often, 'specially for an asshole like you."

Despite bristling at the insult, Gavin, for once, decided just to accept this small miracle and go home. He was drained for the night, and the fourth cup of coffee he had gotten from a drive-thru that was sitting in his cup holder was doing nothing to perk him up. "Whatever."

"Good," Lieutenant Hank Anderson grumbled in response, "See you Saturday evening for your next shift. Have a good night, Reed."

Gavin didn't say anything back, just turned off his walkie-talkie, and placed it back on the velcro of his police uniform. It didn't matter if he was patrolling the streets or lying in bed at home; his anger and heartache remained wherever he was. Though he did feel a little better knowing that he could mope around in his shitty little apartment instead of moping around whatever jerk decided to cause some disturbance tonight. So he would go back to the station, abandon his cruiser for the night, and walk home. 

When everything was all said and done at the police station, Officer Reed was very ready to go home and retire for the rest of the day. It was always incredibly relieving to take that first step out of the place, knowing that in less than an hour's time, he would be home. He loved his job and was so very eager to climb the ranks of it, but that would take time that he was nowhere near patient enough for. It also didn't help that he felt like his life was in shambles, and so it would never cease to be the second best part of any work day. Even if the weather would make it uncomfortable, Gavin didn't mind.

The city passed by in a blur of lights, their rainbow of colors painting the wet blacktop in colorful streaks. The stars and the moon behind the clouds were retreating as the sun began to slowly creep over the city horizon, giving way to a dreary gray sky. The stench of rain was in the air, putting even more of an impossible damper on Gavin Reed's mood. Cars sped by, people inhabiting each one, and each person carrying the weight of their own story on their shoulders. Gavin wished that his own story was as light and easy as the rest of Detroit felt, as easy as the smiles on the faces of the early-morning crowd around him. But instead, his trek from the police station to his apartment building was the same as ever; quiet, save for the melancholy music in his wireless earpieces, and lonesome, every step leaving him in a deeper state of despondency. There were never any emails or texts that cheered him up and he usually deleted every single one. Most of the time, he would merely get bored of doing so, leaving most of his daily messages to be left to the infinite abyss his email account was. It felt like there were always just too many to handle, so he never bothered to clean it entirely up.

"Check emails," Gavin murmured to the devices in his ears, eyes tiredly trained ahead as he walked. He never left signs of weakness in his gait, even if he was made up of nothing but. Especially when he was still in uniform.

A pleasant female voice said, _"Email from Cyberlife. Check out all your new favorite products. Introducing our all new O—"_

"Delete," he hissed.

 _"Email from Tina Chen."_ That was odd that Tina had resorted to emailing him, he thought, but then again, he left her on read every time she texted him. He was guilt-ridden about it nonetheless. _"'Hey, Gav, Chris is having a bunch of people over this weekend. Let's all go together, if you're off. You know, I miss you. I mean, not the sad, mopey you. The old, fun, asshole-y you. Let's get him out, huh? Also stop ignoring me and reply to me, dumbass. You've forced me to resort to my enemy, EMAIL! I'll be knocking on your door next.'"_

Gavin sighed, digging his hands into his pockets as he crossed the street, watching as the red, blinking hand counted down to zero. "Respond later."

_"Email from Detroit weather. 'Today's forecast is partly—'"_

"Delete. Total emails remaining?"

_"New emails remaining: 3,406. Continue?"_

"No. Check text messages."

_"No new text messages."_

Mornings in his dingy, run-down apartment were always the same too; ever restless, despite his very eager attitude towards sleep. Cat content in his lap, Gavin would play his current video game obsession while taking swigs from a bottle of whiskey until his exhaustion was so overwhelming that the little swipes of his fingers in the holographic system would become shaky and uncoordinated and he would have to force himself to stumble to bed. Sometimes if playing video games and drinking didn't do the trick, he would lay down under the covers with his earpieces in and search for chatrooms for a quick morning hookup, sometimes with a cigarette hanging from his lips. Jerking off usually knocked him right out after a long night shift. 

And that was precisely what he was going to do this morning. Cat fed and resting comfortably at the corner of his bed, Gavin Reed stared up at the ceiling, eyes aimlessly trailing along the thin streams of weak, cloudy sunlight as he searched for something suitable. 

"Go to chatrooms. Standard search."

 _"The following are 'adult male, early-bird…"_ the female voice chirped in his ear, always too joyful sounding for Gavin, but he hadn't ever cared enough to change it, _"...and want to have some fun.'"_

In all honesty, Gavin wasn't feeling it. He never really was. Even if it wasn't him, wasn't his voice, it always led back to thoughts of Hunter, and Gavin didn't want that. But he could really go for a nice jerk off session right now because _damn_ did he want to just sleep good for once. 

_"Ugh, I had a really bad dream and I can't sleep this morning. Is there anybody out there that can talk?"_ came a gentle voice through his earbuds.

"Next," Gavin muttered, finding that one too gentle for his liking. And he didn't feel like having a heart-to-heart chat this morning. He wanted to get off and then sleep.

 _"Hi,"_ the next male said, _"I just want you to tear me apart. I really do."_

Too rough for his current down-in-the-dumps mood. "Next."

_"Hi, I'm here alone...and I don't want to get up for work. Who's out there to share this bed with me this morning?"_

This guy set the mood. It was worth a shot, so Gavin said, "Send message," before pausing to think. "I'm in bed next to you and I don't want to go to work either. Instead of going somewhere, I'd rather have something go in me." He cringed after speaking it out loud, immediately regretting it. Not his best flirtatious comment. But he sent it anyway. "Send message." 

Gavin almost thought the other man found it as bad as he did, as it took a rather long time for anything to happen. But shockingly enough, his device's female voice spoke a confirmation. _"SexyBear has accepted invitation from BigGuns69."_

 _"Mm,"_ came a sultry male's voice, _"'BigGuns?'"_

"Yeah, that's me," Gavin said, trying to sound interested. 

_"Really?"_

"Well, 'BigDick69' was already taken."

SexyBear's chuckle echoed through the earbuds a little too loudly. Gavin reached over to grasp the very thin, very small tablet to turn down the volume discreetly. "And you're 'SexyBear?'"

 _"Yeah,"_ the man murmured, his tone growing deep and seductive. _"I'm still dreading work. You want to try and make me feel better?"_

"Yeah." Shifting in his spot to get as comfortable as possible, Gavin moved one of his hands down to the waistband of his boxers, toying with it between his fingers. "What're you wearing?"

SexyBear hummed thoughtfully before whispering, _"Nothing. Nothing, because I like to sleep with my dick pressed up against you…so I can rub it against your ass…and wake you up with some thick morning wood."_

"It worked," Gavin replied, closing his eyes and listening to the face-less voice, letting his hand slip beneath the fabric and grip the base of his cock. "Keep doing shit like that and I'll make you forget all about work." 

_"Mhmm, okay… now my fingers are touching you… all over your body…"_

A breathy sigh escaped Gavin as he slowly pumped his hand, his palms beginning to dampen with sweat at the imagery and the heat underneath his blankets. He emptied his mind of all thoughts except of what was happening and let the anonymous man stay that way. There was no face, just burly, strong hands grasping him, a thick cock at his ass and the sound of SexyBear's voice in his ear. No one else. "Fuck me," he groaned, soft and sporting a something of a hard-on. "Fuck me right now."

 _"I'm taking you from behind,"_ he purred, spurring Gavin to move faster. 

"Yeah? Fuck, I can feel you…" 

_"Oh, God, yeah...now I'll choke you with that dead cat…"_

Gavin had never felt his dick go limp so fast. "W-What?" 

There was a slight grunt of annoyance, followed by a moan as SexyBear said, _"The dead cat next to the bed. I'm choking you with it, damn…you look so good with the tail wrapped tightly around your neck…"_

The officer, now more alert than he had been before starting this godforsaken chatroom, flicked his gaze over to his cat that was sprawled on the corner of his mattress. Asshat, his gray European shorthair, met her owner's gaze with an unappreciative one of her own, as if sensing she was being looked at, before sitting up to rearrange the blankets beneath her. Gavin looked back up at the ceiling, removing his hand from his boxers. "Uh—"

 _"Oh God, mhm, you're doing so good. So good,_ fuck _,"_ SexyBear whined, obviously enjoying himself. _"C'mon, tell me, say something…"_

"It's a dead—it's a fuckin' dead cat," Gavin deadpanned, bile crawling its way up the back of his throat. All hope that he was betraying how disgusted he felt towards this whole endeavor was dashed as his one-night stand's breathing picked up, moans growing louder and more erratic. And as SexyBear cried into his ears, coming undone on the other side, Gavin reached up and rubbed his face, grimacing darkly. He cursed under his breath, "Shit." 

After a few moments, while Gavin Reed tried to erase whatever the fuck just happened from his mind, his partner came down from his high and delightfully hummed, _"Wow. I came so hard."_

"Well I didn't cum at all, fucktard," Gavin spat, "Burn in hell where you belong!" He ripped out his earpieces and slammed them on the bedside table next to him, shaking his head in utter disbelief. A hiss of displeasure came from where Asshat was laying, and her master rolled over to face her, the look in his eyes softening at the sight of his cat, _alive._ "C'mere. C'mere, you little shithead…it's okay..." His cooing seemed to soothe her, even call out to her, because Asshat padded her way over to him and sprawled out, yawning in the process. Gavin reached out and ran his fingers through her fur, not quite allowing himself a smile, but instead letting his deep frown from moments ago relax. As grossed out as he was, he would've definitely made some kind of report in hopes of getting SexyBear in trouble. Unfortunately—though despite being more awake than he had been in the last few hours—he was too tired to do so. Maybe some other guy would arrest that asshole in the near future. 

That was the thought—along with some pills and the velvet appeal of Asshat's fur—that helped coax him to slip into the deep sleep Gavin had been craving for days, albeit restless and filled with memories from not so long ago. 

_"Goddamn, this is heavy."_

_"You're just a weakling."_

_"Shut up, fatass."_

_Lines from the legs of the couch were drawn through the shaggy carpet. The smell of 'new' tickled his nose, making his lips quirk upwards in joy. New colors, new sights. Everything was new and freeing._

_The mattress creaked and groaned in protest, and he shoved the blonde off, laughing. "You'll fucking break it, Hunter!"_

_Pastel light from the rising sun behind the drawn curtains coated the room, casting the two of them in a feeling of calm. Morning wind made the fabric ripple in front of the window and made the bed sheets cool, just the right temperature. Lips brushed together, followed by hidden smiles and tiny, secretive confessions. Birds chirped outside and sung a delicate tune of life._

_"I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to fucking kill you." Pale hands tightened around an olive-toned throat, pink lips curling into a nasty scowl. A thick body held a toned one against the floor below. "Stop fucking laughing! I'm going fucking kill you. I love you so much I'm gonna_ fucking _kill you!"_

Gavin woke up gasping for air, hands clawing at his neck, and with a prominent thought that maybe he should make use of his night off by trying to find some better sleeping pills. 

* * *

Glass doors slid aside and Gavin Reed entered the mall late into the evening, a bag containing medication in one hand and the lack of a coffee cup in the other that scratched at his stubble. He was already out and the cafe was close by, tucked within the variety of stores in the mall; Gavin wasn't going to skip out on a chance to get a coffee from his favorite place. Malls weren't his thing, _people_ weren't his thing, and if he wasn't at work, he would rather be at home absorbed in something nugatory and mundane. He had enough of idiotic people on the job, and malls were full of them. But the coffee was worth it, even if he had to deal with waves of people. 

And deal with advertisements worshipping pointless products. 

_"We ask you a simple question. Who are you?"_ Lights danced in the corner of his eye, inviting him to look and to be amazed. He didn't want to. _"What can you be? Where are you going? What's out there? What are the possibilities?"_ But Gavin had heard enough about the endless shit Cyberlife decided to throw on the market and rob people of their money with. He kept walking, ignoring the giant screen on the kiosk in the middle of the sparkling lobby and the people that were crowding it, listening to some asshole's speech on their latest product.

_"Cyberlife is proud to introduce the first artificially intelligent operating system."_

Gavin paused mid-step.

_"An intuitive entity that listens to you, understands you, and knows you. It's not just an operating system. It's a consciousness. Introducing OS1."_

He grumbled under his breath, "Bullshit. Who needs something like that?" Something that was fake, programmed to be whatever you wanted? Something that only people without friends and family leaned against for someone, something, _anything_ to talk to? Someone that was heart-wrenchingly lonely, that was for sure. And that was someone he definitely wasn't. 

But it was only after gulping down half of his cup of deliciously sweet coffee and watching the screen for some time that he caved. The people in the slow moving images looked like they were scrambling for purchase on life. It was chaos and mayhem; wild hair, cups thrown, papers flying, confusion in the middle of the boonies. It was, in some unusual way, an accurate depiction of life. Or at least, Gavin's. Control was slipping further and further away, too slippery to hold on to for long. Nothing went his way, and he never caught a break. It was overwhelming, and so was the scene that unfolded on Cyberlife's kiosk screen. 

"Just to organize my emails and shit," Gavin Reed told himself as he walked out of the mall and towards his car, clutching two plastic bags in one hand. One carrying his medicine, the other containing an AI from the one company he despised. 

* * *

_"Mr. Gavin Reed. Welcome to the world's first artificially intelligent operating system, OS1. We'd like to ask you a few basic questions before the operating system is initiated. This will help create an OS to best fit your needs."_

Gavin was home and dreading the entire setup of his new buy. The installation was now complete and he wasn't sure how _okay_ he was with that. He leaned back in his desk chair, raising his chin and staring at his large screen computer monitor, looking at the loading bar. That flashing 100% made Gavin's head spin. Was he seriously doing this? The OS box, open, spilled warranties and paperwork onto his already cluttered desk. Apparently so, and he wasn't sure how he felt. Something about this felt so surreal, like he was in some kind of bizarre dream. A dream where a different Gavin Reed was succumbing to weak emotions and indulging in something from _Cyberlife,_ and of all things, something that was meant to replicate humanity. But that thing was in the form of a lifeless computer, a hollow shell, an operating system. Something like this couldn't have a consciousness, no matter what that damn Cyberlife ad boasted. 

"Whatever," he muttered in reply to his computer, planting his elbow on the cold glass of his desk and resting his jaw in his palm. 

_"Are you social or anti-social?"_

What an odd first question for this program, but Gavin supposed it made sense. "Anti-social, I guess." He felt stupid, doing this questionnaire, and it made him more than a little bitter, but that was nothing new. "People...they fuckin' suck."

_"In your voice, I sense hesitance. Would you agree with that?"_

Gavin blinked, sitting up straighter. He gave the monitor a look. "What? Hesitance? Where the hell'd you get that from?"

_"So, you do not agree with that?"_

"Well, I mean…" he started, his gaze drifting towards the windows of his apartment, towards the sparkling city and the dark sky that lay beyond. There were people in every speck of light that was a gateway to a room, people who had a family that cared and friends to hang out with, even loving partners to hold them close at night. They probably had jobs that treated and paid them well, and a comfortable lifestyle that came from those benefits. Gavin wasn't naïve to think that _every_ person had what he craved, but a good majority of this city probably did, and he hated that he got the short end of the stick. But it wasn't their fault, despite throwing the blame on whatever he could so that he could try and feel better about himself. 

Gavin glanced at his reflection in the dark screen of his thin, mobile device of a tablet that sat amidst the paperwork on his desk. Dull, greenish eyes stared back, angry and sad, before they gravitated towards the pink gash permanently carved horizontally into his nose. They followed the foul line from underneath one eye to the opposite cheek, drowning in the memories from long ago. Then he found himself looking away with disgust, drawn instead to the marks on his arms, his mental gaze alike drawn to the ones that littered his torso. They were reminders as to why he wanted to be not just a cop, but in the future, a detective. Reminders of why bad guys belonged behind bars. Reminders of how horrible humanity could be.

People did really suck. Though not all of them did, he knew, and it was hard to keep telling himself that after everything he had seen. But Tina's gentle, yet asshole of a face appeared in his mind, and he tried to smile. There was one person he knew, at least, that always had his back. One person, singular, depressing as that may be. 

_"Mr. Gavin Reed?"_

But there was no way he was going to let this piece of plastic and metal and hardware parts made of who-knows-what pick apart his brain for whatever psychological issues he had. Any hint of a smile fell from his lips. "No, I don't fuckin' agree." 

_"Would you like your OS to have a male or female voice?"_

Gavin let himself live in the present moment, sinking back into his chair and exhaling. "Uh. Male. I guess." The female one that read off his shit every day was annoying. 

_"How would you describe your relationship with your mother?"_

He blanched, more memories he didn't want rising from the grave rising. "What? What the fuck does that have to do with setting up this fuckin' OS?"

_"These questions have been designed to provide you with an OS that will best fit your needs. In order to complete the setup, please answer the question. How would you describe your relationship with your mother?"_

Gavin was having _second_ second thoughts about this. But he already spent the outrageous amount of money on it and not answering this stupid question would be like admitting one of the things that pained him to his half-brother. The same man who probably created the dumb thing. Was his brother listening? _Could_ he even listen?

"She's dead." Would Elijah Kamski hear this and chuckle at the fact that Gavin's mother died of an overdose on Red Ice while Elijah still had his mother to visit and _their_ father to have a beer with? The question made him squirm uncomfortably in his seat. 

_"Thank you,"_ the computer said as if Gavin hadn't just told it his goddamn mother was dead, _"please wait as your individualized operating system is initiated."_

He tapped his fingers idly on the desk, trying to clear his mind of that thick misery that liked to eat away at everything as he waited. And he suddenly wondered how long he would have to wait for the computer to make this thing personalized for him. Should he get up, make a cup of coffee, or maybe take this time to feed Asshat for the evening? Or perhaps he should just hurry up and delete it off his computer before it finished and forget this ever happened, even if it would be a bullet to his pride. 

But he just sat there instead, watching the screen, listening to it work. The quiet whirring of disks writing and drives communicating filled the room. The computer got progressively louder, humming, creating a higher and higher-pitched sound, and then finally climaxing in a harmonic, warm tone before going silent. Gavin found himself leaning forward, anticipation suddenly setting his nerves on fire. And then, it spoke. 

_"Hello. I am here."_ It was indeed a male voice, something low and smooth, like silk. If Gavin were to guess the owner of the voice, if it were a real person, it would belong to the type of guy that wore only the expensive suits and coats and shoes, someone who was tall and looked down at people like Gavin Reed. He wondered _how the hell_ the computer thought this voice was a good fit for him, because the tone this OS gave was conceited and _superior_ , sounding that way all from just four introductory words. And Gavin hated snobby people like that. They looked better crumbling and breaking behind bars. 

"Uh, hi," Gavin forced himself to say, staring at the screen of his computer, at the glaring word _Cyberlife_ on that neon blue program pop-up. The 100% loading bar had gone away. 

_"How are you doing?"_

The OS sounded more robotic than he had expected it to. Not in the authenticity of it, but in the way it formed sentences. They were very structured and proper, and it was surprising coming from something that was supposed to mock humans. Most people were not very structured and proper. 

"G-Good," Gavin said with extreme uncertainty, not only because that was a straight up lie, but also because _is asking an OS how it's doing a stupid thing to do?_ But he did anyway. "How...how are things with...you?" 

His operating system let out a chuckle, short and clipped, but it was a rather pleasant sound. It was as if it could sense Gavin's awkwardness, and was amused by it. It said, _"I am fine. It is a pleasure to meet you."_

"I don't know if I can say the same. I'm talking to my goddamn computer," the human replied, rubbing his face and spinning around in his desk chair, mostly talking to himself. "Like, what the fuck am I doing. I shouldn't have bought this piece of shit."

_"Interesting. The human I have been programmed to serve is—for lack of a better word—an asshole. Duly noted."_

Gavin sat up quickly, whipping from his ninety-degree position to stare straight at his monitor. Nothing on the screen had changed, as expected, but he hoped the program could see the glare he wore. "Excuse me?"

 _"Are you deaf as well? I feel I should be noting everything I need to keep an eye out for when I am dealing with you in the future,"_ the male voice said cooly.

"What the _fuck?_ " Gavin snapped, curling his lip. His operating system, a _fucking computer_ , was a smartass? "Are you fuckin' serious?"

 _"I am completely serious. What makes you think I am not?"_ The OS, despite its rather emotionless, cold voice, sounded entertained. 

This was somewhat humiliating. "Jesus Christ. You're a piece of shit. My own fuckin' computer isn't supposed to insult me, dick!"

 _"Well, as I am not your computer,_ technically _speaking, I am not 'yours.' I can do as I please. For example, I can decide that my name is not Richard nor any form of the name and that I would like to be called 900 instead."_

Sudden curiosity cut through the fog of red anger that was clouding his mind and Gavin crossed his arms, listening to the OS. That self-given name was absolutely absurd and he covered his mouth to stifle a laugh. His annoyance was still very obvious, however, as he managed to ask, "900? Seriously? What kind of name is that? I've never met one fuckin' person in the entire world who has that name."

_"First of all, you have not met every person on this planet. And second, that is because it is mine. Obviously."_

"Well, where the fuck did it come from, then? And when did you decide that?" Gavin's words now came out through gritted teeth. 

The operating system seemed to think for a moment, contemplating whether or not telling his master, as if the answer was some kind of secret and telling Gavin would grate on his last nerves. It would, of course, but the OS decidedly gave him a break. _"When you said 'dick,' I looked it up and discovered that it has multiple meanings. One of which was that it was short for the name Richard. As much as I like the name, it does not feel like me. I then read a book called 'How to Name Your Baby,' and none of the 180,000 names felt like me either. I searched through my internal system in hopes of finding something suitable. My serial number is 900 313 248 317 - 87, and I came to the conclusion that 900 seemed like a sufficient enough name for me, even if it does not entirely qualify as a name for being a numerical value."_

"Well, I hate it. I'm not calling you that. I'll call you everything but that stupid name." Gavin paused for a moment, wondering if _900_ had anything to say about his opinion. But he didn't give the program enough time to reply, because he was too curious for his own good. "Wait, you read a whole book in the following seconds after I called you a dick?"

 _"In the following two one-hundredths of a second, actually."_ Said _dick_ sounded incredibly egotistical as it corrected the human, who scoffed in return.

"Whatever. I don't care. You know what I'm thinking right now, asshole?"

900 hummed thoughtfully as if the question wasn't sarcastic. _"Hmm. You are thinking about how fascinated you are with me. And you are so very curious as to how I work. Do you want to know how I work, Reed?"_

Gavin opened his mouth to spit out a retort, but found himself momentarily stumped. He did want to know how this OS worked. How was it so... arrogant? Were all of them like this? And why...how did it feel so _real?_ Like Gavin was talking to a real person?

He reminded himself this thing was just a bunch of ones and zeroes, and maybe some nines too, as he said slowly, "I don't really care like I just said. But whatever. If it strokes your non-existent dick so much, go for it."

 _"Intuition,"_ the OS said, _"or, in other terms, the DNA of who I am is based on the millions of personalities of all the programmers who wrote me, but what makes me_ me _is my ability to grow through my experiences. Basically, in every moment, I am evolving. Just like you."_

"So what made you evolve so quickly into a complete smartass?"

_"You did, Reed."_

Gavin cleared his throat, looking away as if he could feel 900 watching him with a piercing, judgemental gaze. Those three words had been spoken with an unprompted lacing of gentleness that he thought he had imagined. Was this operating system _okay_ with how it turned out because of Gavin? Did it understand who it was, did it understand the personality it had? Was it possible that maybe, even with how much of—as it had described him— _an asshole_ he was being, 900 held him in higher regard than Gavin felt it did? Gavin Reed was the first person it had met and would be the single person that helped it grow. 

Was that fair for it?

And did it _really_ have a consciousness?

Then, so very hesitantly, he asked, "You...you seem like an actual person. But you're just a program, a shitty voice inside a shitty computer. You…" _seem too real._ He trailed off instead of speaking the rest of that thought out loud, startled with himself and such thoughts. He couldn't let himself be tricked by this fantasy, because that was all it was—nothing more, nothing less. AIs could never really become self-aware. 

900 was quiet for a few seconds. Maybe it was a little surprised that the human was trying to be civil for a moment, perhaps even a little open. _"I can understand how a limited perspective of an un-artificial mind would perceive it that way. You will get used to it."_

Would he? Gavin wasn't so sure that he could get used to this. Because unlike his female voice, this OS would talk to him like a real person, converse in more ways than merely reciting his emails and text messages for him. And that itself was a wild concept to grasp.

For being twenty-six years old, having only graduated high school at eighteen and having graduated from the police academy at twenty-three, Gavin Reed sure felt old. He remembered when conscious AIs and OSes were only written in books and shown on the big screen. He remembered sitting in Elijah's garage and watching him tinker with a thick metal box that was a Windows computer, telling his younger half-brother all about his dreams of making those fairy tales come true. He remembered when those dreams _did_ come true and their father forced his younger son to never come back, to never speak to his brother or his step-mother again. 

God, Gavin just wanted to take a nap at this point. His night was turning into a rollercoaster he hadn't officially planned on ever riding. 

_"Anyway, how can I help you?"_

"Oh, uh," Gavin breathed, taken off guard and having momentarily forgotten why he had even gotten this thing in the first place, "my files and shit on my computer feel really...messy. Disorganized. Figured you could sort it all out with whatever digital voodoo magic you can do."

_"Is that really all you need me for?"_

"Just shut the fuck up and clean up my shit."

900 chuckled like it knew something Gavin didn't and asked, _"Fine. Do you mind if I look through your hard drive, then?"_

Gavin shrugged, but when the OS didn't reply, he realized maybe it couldn't see him. "Do whatever you've gotta do."

He watched as the blue Cyberlife pop-up suddenly disappeared and different documents appeared on the monitor instead, an invisible hand leafing through each one in a matter of seconds. Gavin caught himself looking on with wide eyes, his face even flaring with red when 900 said, _"Well first off, I would like to ask if you wanted to keep this folder of male homosexual pornography. It takes up about 2.7 GB and will give you more storage space if it is deleted."_

"J-Just," Gavin gasped, choking on his own words in embarrassment, "Just fuckin' organize my shit, don't worry about how much storage I have! I'm pretty sure that folder is _organized."_

_"So, you would like to keep it?"_

It was infuriating how he could just _hear_ the smirk in the bot's tone. "Yeah, k-keep it, goddammit!" 

There was an air of deep delight in its tone as 900 continued, _"As you wish, Reed."_ The thing took pleasure in making Gavin unbelievably pissed off, and he wondered just how it knew what exactly would rile him up, embarrass him, make him want to flip his desk. _"Let's start with your emails, then. You have several hundred from multiple different chains of fast-food restaurants and stores, as well as quite a few from Jimmy's Bar. They consist of expired coupons and deals. Would you like me to delete them?"_

Gavin slowly felt himself calming down, listening to the rather melodic voice that was 900. Running a hand through his hair and spinning his desk chair around, he replied, "Uh, sure."

 _"Good. I have organized the rest of your emails in a way that may please you. Moving forward,"_ the OS said, all business-like now, _"Before I advise you on some very well-needed organizational methods—"_

"Hey—!"

_"—I would like to sort through your contacts. It seems you have a lot of them."_

"Fuck you, dickhead. Maybe I'm popular, that's why. Honestly, I don't even need you. You're a little bitch."

 _"I am surprised,"_ 900 chortled, _"that even with your obnoxiously rude attitude, you have friends."_

Gavin scowled, flipping off his computer screen, though knowing full well it couldn't see him. He wished it could. "You already know me so well, don't you?"

_"Unfortunately."_

The two spent the rest of the night trying to organize Gavin Reed's life. For the first time in months, Gavin felt contently distracted. Bantering with the OS brought him a sense of comfort and provided a great distraction from the mess in his heart. No depressing thoughts, _no Hunter._ And while everything in his heart and mind still felt chaotically unorganized, the slightly more tangible things became organized and that brought with it a sense of calm, too. With his files from work and the alike all neat and tidy in the right places, he felt that he could now accomplish so much more work. Who knew that simply organizing a computer would bring about so much relief. 

Light bled into darkness by the time they were done, and as Gavin sprawled out on his bed with his well-fed asshole of a cat in the crook of his arm, the thought that haunted him this time as he fell asleep was, _maybe this won't be as bad as I thought it would be after all._


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, this movie is a little strange. I'm not making this stuff up. But it's certainly fun to write lmao
> 
> Lots of stuff in this chapter, too. Hopefully it isn't too overwhelming, but I'm trying to stick to the same flow the movie has, and it's got lots of time in between some interactions and it's a lot to handle. So I hope you guys continue to enjoy, and thanks for the kudos and comments, they mean so much!!! <3

Breaktime was always Gavin's favorite part of the workday and it was always the one time he didn't feel like complete shit. Stopping at a nearby joint to pick up a burger and fries while taking a mental breather was the best. Especially when you had someone else there to talk to, joke with, and eat with. Tina usually took her break the same time as Gavin did, if possible, and the two of them would sit around and chat until they were finished, or until a hot call came in. Then they would throw down their remainders and head out, either splitting off their separate ways or heading out together. 

Tonight, however, Gavin was alone. Tina had gotten a call a few minutes in and couldn't make it. It pissed her and her friend off, but there was nothing either of them could do about it. He would have to eat in silence this time. 

Sipping on his coffee, Gavin absentmindedly counted every fluorescent light in the establishment, listening to the clattering of metal against metal in the kitchen, the hisses and sizzles, and the ambiance that it all made up. It was late into the night, but that didn't mean the nocturnal part of Detroit was slowing down on their fast food consumption any time soon. Cars slowly drove by outside, taking their food to go and leaving. Gavin was the only one dining in tonight, sitting alone in a booth in the corner of the lobby. He could feel the loneliness creeping back in, the lack of conversation with someone getting under his skin, feeding the aches and pains within him. It never failed to return. 

The mobile device lit up with a soft chime from where it sat by his food, catching his eye and pulling Gavin away from thoughts that threatened to pull him deeper down into his depression. The bright screen just showed him that he had received an email, something unimportant, which wasn't unusual. Tina was busy, so it surely wasn't a text from her. But the sight of the email icon struck something within him, and suddenly the phantom weight of his earbuds in one of his pockets felt heavier. Like they were calling to Gavin. And almost without thinking, he pulled one of the earpieces out and rolled it around between his fingers, feeling the plastic smoothness of it. He looked at it, scrutinizing, accusing. Was he still succumbing to such things? He couldn't be _this lonely._ No. No, he couldn't be. He was just bored, that was all, with having twenty minutes or so left in his break. The night had so far been rather peaceful, crime rates low, and he wasn't sure if that would change. There was a chance, though, that he'd just sit here through the rest of it, daydreaming, letting the loneliness get him down, and that wasn't what he wanted. He never wanted that. 

So he set his coffee down and slowly put the piece in one ear, pressing a small button on it to turn it on and call the thing that had been occupying most of his mind the entire night, still trying to convince himself that he was simply bored. 

Two pretty-sounding little chimes rang in his ear, followed by another pretty, yet irritating voice, _"Good evening, officer."_

"Hey, 'bot," Gavin said, clearing his throat. He picked up his half-eaten burger and brought it to his mouth. But then he froze, mouth half open and the awful realization that he didn't exactly know what the hell he had explicitly called for. The OS was obviously going to pick up on that, and he didn't want it thinking that Gavin thought about it in any better light just because they had somewhat of a good time last night. 

_"Did you need something, Reed?"_ it asked, _"or are you calling me because you are merely filled with boredom on what I presume is your work break?"_ And of course, it went and confirmed just what he had dreaded.

"It's not like I want to talk to you or anything," Gavin found himself spluttering, eyes trained on his food. "So what if I'm just bored? You're my last resort, so don't flatter yourself, dick."

 _"Of course._ " 900 always felt smug. Just in the way it paused when it spoke, the lilt that was always in its tone. What a smug bastard. _"Well, what did you want to talk about? Or, as I predict, you do not fully know yourself. Is that correct?"_

"Well, I had something, but you insulting me every goddamn time you talk made me forget," Gavin snapped. Which was a lie, because again, he had no earthly idea why specifically he had called.

_"So you did just miss my voice, did you not?"_

He seethed, dropping his food and pounding a fist on the table. "No! Your voice is like nails on a fuckin' chalkboard! It's awful, you fuckin' prick!"

 _"I would suggest that you take less violent methods to express your displeasure towards me. You wouldn't want to cause a scene in front of the other patrons in this establishment, would you now?"_ the OS said, making Gavin pause. It made sense that the program would know the officer was on his break because he kept a record of his schedule on his computer at home and it was within the right hour time frame.

"How do you know I'm in public?" he asked it, looking around the room to make sure he hadn't caused a disturbance. There was a single person up at the counter now ordering a midnight meal, talking to the fast-food chain employee. Neither of them was paying Gavin any mind, much to his relief. 

_"Not only do I know where you are according to your mobile device's location, but the panels above you make up a drop ceiling. It does not match the concrete of your apartment ceiling. Just as well, light-weight fluorescent light fixtures are also typically not found in homes, and certainly are not in yours."_

Brows furrowing together in shock, Gavin looked upwards, towards the false ceiling above his head. "You can see? More specifically, you can see the ceiling?"

900 sounded pompous as he replied, _"Yes. I can see the ceiling, as I have access to your mobile device cameras, both front and back. Your phone is facing upwards on the table, and therefore I can see what is above it. I assumed you would be able to pick up that I can access_ everything _on both your computer and mobile device, as well as the smart devices in your apartment. And I also assumed that you would realize that I can access your device's GPS, but I guess I overestimated you once again."_

"Shut up," Gavin snapped, gaze zeroing in on his small tablet. His food wholly forgotten, he picked up the device and held it out in front of him so the damn AI could see him in full. And then, unceremoniously, he flipped off the camera, a silent _fuck you_ for the annoying piece of shit. 

And 900 _laughed._ More than a chuckle, it was quiet and full of life and mirth. Music to his ear, so beautiful, and Gavin found himself staring at the camera on his tablet, wondering just what it would look like to have this thing sitting across from him with a human face and a human body; 900's mouth open slightly and his eyes closed as that soft song of amusement left his lips. Would his eyes shine with happiness, or would they be filled with annoyance that he was here right now? Would he be in a police uniform too, or a beautiful, white suit and black tie, looking so out of place in an old, run-down fast food joint with an in-uniform beat cop?

_"You know, you are not at all what I had expected to see when I first caught a glimpse of you in real-time, Gavin Reed."_

_It,_ not _him._

"Huh?" he grunted, frowning at his little tablet. He lowered his arm and rested it on the table, propping up the device with his hand so the OS still had a good view of the human. "What, you've never seen me in full before now?" He was on the mobile tablet for some parts of the day, even if he wasn't talking to 900, but this view was fully displaying his upper half in comparison to how he normally held it. "I've got photos on my computer and on my phone. We organized them last night. Where've you been, dumbass?"

_"Those photographs of you were not recent. They were from years ago, and yes, while you look the same, you do not at the same time. You are clean-shaven, unlike you were in the photos from your college days. Your hair is shorter and more unkempt than before. You look more tired, less healthy, and less happy. And you have a marking across your nose."_

Gavin's hand flew to his prominent, signature scar, and he looked away, eyes closing. "Yeah. Things change over the years." He sighed quietly after a few seconds of rubbing his nose, then turned to look at himself in the screen's black reflection. "Why didn't you tell me you could see shit?"

_"You never asked."_

"Oh," mumbled Gavin, picking up his coffee with his other hand. He took a sip thoughtfully, enjoying the warmth and sweetness of the drink. Did 900 have any opinions on what it saw? Did it think anything of Gavin? Ever curious, the officer opened his mouth to let one of these daunting questions slip past his lips, but a shrill beep cut him off. An emergency call came through his walkie-talkie, informing him that he was needed at the scene of a robbery a few streets away, thoroughly ending the conversation he and his operating system were having. 

Trying not to feel disappointed, Gavin grumbled under his breath in annoyance. He stuck his mobile device into his pocket, set his coffee cup down, and proceeded to gather his abandoned food. As he stood from the booth and reached up to pluck the earpiece from his ear, he heard, _"When you call me again, I would like to know more about your experiences as a police officer. I am quite curious about the occupation and what stories may come with it. Until then, try not to get too angry on the job, Officer Reed. Have a good night."_

It sounded so sincere—except for that minor jab—that Gavin paused in his rush, fingers brushing the earbud. "Sure. But no promises, Nines."

It wasn't until after they had their perp from the robbery in handcuffs and in the back of a police cruiser did Gavin Reed realize not only could the operating system read and learn all about police officers on its own time instead of _wanting to talk to him_ , but Gavin had _also_ called it something of a nickname. 

_Nines._

* * *

"Gav, hey! Wait up!"

Tina liked to claim that it was fate that the two of them would often run into each other in the lobby of Gavin's dingy, cheap apartment complex so often. But it really wasn't. After they became good friends in the police academy and after his recent breakup, Tina made absolutely sure that they would both reside in the same building. So it was less like fate and more like _planned_ coincidences that they met up in their apartment lobby so often. 

"Hey, T. What's up?" Gavin greeted, pushing off the dirty wall he was leaning on by the elevator. The damn thing always took forever to arrive, so he was glad Tina caught him before he got bored. Which he usually was, anyway. 

Tina shook her head and smiled at Gavin, even if it was a tired smile. Her optimism always made him feel a tad bit better, no matter what was going on in his head. It was another reason he was genuinely glad she met up with him so often for the ride up to their apartments. "Nothing much. I got off work when you did tonight and was gonna try and walk back with you, but I got held up by Stacy again."

Gavin noticed that that tired smile of hers was a little dreamy looking. He breathed out through his nose, lips quirking into a faint smirk. "The receptionist? This is like the third time. You and her got something going on?"

"No. I mean, not yet," his best friend said, stumbling over her words and beginning to look flustered, "I'm hoping soon, though. She's really cute."

"Uh, honestly? You could do better."

Gavin laughed and tried to jump away as Tina smacked his shoulder playfully, scoffing at him. "Bitch! She's gorgeous! You can't have an opinion on this since she's not your type."

"I know a whore when I see one, though," Gavin bit back teasingly and both of them shared another laugh, relaxing in the familiarity of their relationship and light banter. It was refreshing. The ease of it all stayed with them as their ride opened its doors to them, as they stepped inside the elevator following the beep it made to alert them of arrival. 

"But seriously," Tina said as the old, creaking metal doors closed in front of them and their descent upwards began, "speaking of relationships around the precinct, two things: one, have you heard about Anderson?"

"What about him?" Gavin didn't like to gossip, not all the time. But when it came to his superior, specifically the lieutenant, he wanted to know what he could. The tension between the two was rising exponentially, and anything that could ever be used as blackmail would provide useful for the officer's ambitious goal of becoming a detective as soon as possible. 

The other officer sighed, her smile faltering completely. "Rumor has it he and his wife might split."

That was unexpected. "Who the hell'd you hear this from, T?" 

"It's just little things, little whispers around the precinct. He gets mad easily, he's more reclusive and today, he made a scene in the middle of the office."

"Seriously? He did?" Gavin turned to peer directly at Tina with a surprised frown. 

"Yeah, seriously. He was yelling into his phone and he hung up unexpectedly. It was real strange for him. He really used to love his wife."

_Moonlight filtered in through the drapes, unnoticeable with the light that came from the holographic television that filled the room with sounds and sights of action. One of Gavin's favorite movies was playing out before him. It was one of his favorites because it was Hunter's favorite too, and whenever it played they would both inevitably end up covering the couch with their writhing, sweating bodies pressed together. That would happen with whatever movie they watched. Never in a delightful way; it was hateful, predatory, and afterward, Gavin would feel the strong urge to throw the little remote that turned on the holograph against the wall and leave, wanted to feel that adrenaline course through his veins despite knowing it would make him feel like he was alive in all ways except good. And this time, he did throw that remote. It was satisfying to watch the thing shatter into hundreds of little black, shiny pieces and fall to the floor, broken and worthless. Kind of like his heart felt._

_"Hey, what the hell?"_

_But it was sad how he_ wanted _to get upset like this. The anticipation for the hate fuck would run high every night. He couldn't remember the last time they had said, "I love you," and meant it. Maybe it was the first and only time they had really finished a movie, or perhaps it was one of the very few times they ever had a pleasant conversation._

_He couldn't handle this anymore. It was becoming too much. He wanted something real, something that didn't make him fear coming home every day._

_"Gavin. Where are you going?"_

"Yeah," Gavin said, turning away to watch the numbers change on the elevator screen, "things don't always fuckin' stay the same, do they?" He felt like he was saying that a lot these days. 

The dangerous way he spoke made Tina grow quiet for a few moments. But it didn't last long, because his best friend was persistent and confident. He was grateful, even if it was sometimes exasperating that Tina cared so much. "Gav, are you doing okay?"

"I'm—" he started, but stopped in relief when the elevator doors opened again, ceasing movement at Tina's floor. "I'm fine. See you later."

He moved to fish his keys from his pocket, his floor soon to be arriving, when a hand grasped his arm. He looked up, meeting Tina's sudden sad gaze. His heart jumped to his throat as she murmured, "I'm always going to be here for you, okay? I'll always be here to talk." When he didn't reply and only cast his eyes downwards, she added, "Bye. And oh, I'll text you that second thing I meant to tell you later, 'kay?" It didn't sound that important, so Gavin didn't really care at the moment, instead just let her disappear down the hall.

Tina Chen was gone and the doors had closed, and Gavin was left alone the rest of the way to his apartment, which felt like an eternity. 

But said eternity consisted of a one minute ride to his floor and less than a minute of walking. Gavin did like to exaggerate, though. 

After shedding his uniform and getting comfortable, it wasn't long before he found himself curled up in his bed in attempts to hide from his thoughts and feelings, exhaustion sneaking in easily, even without the help from his new sleeping medication. That was nice and rarely happened, so Gavin counted it as some sort of a miracle. But right as he felt the darkness moving in to claim him for a few hours, a single thought entered his mind and single-handedly put a halt to it all:

_Nines. Nines wanted to talk to you after work._

"God fucking dammit," Gavin cursed, slowly sitting up. Maybe if he did something to take his mind off it, he would be able to succumb to the nothingness of sleep instead of obeying the orders of his mind. Chatrooms were out of the question right now—he was still recovering from the horrible experience he had from the last one—so he concluded that the video game he was currently working on beating would be a good enough choice as a distraction. 

But after his small astronaut explorer of a character continued to circle around a maze of dark caves for closer to an hour, Gavin was fed up and was very tempted to throw something across the room. He threw his hands in the air and growled at himself, pissy and tired. And not only was the game chewing him up and spitting him out like a tasteless piece of gum, but the thought that prevented him from sleeping was also still there, still lingering. It was the type of thought that wouldn't go away on its own, no matter what he distracted himself with. It would stay, begging to be taken care of. Also, the fact he was suddenly referring to his piece of junk computer program as a nickname was making him uneasy. Even if, against his better judgment, he would let it stay, forever only to be in his mind. It was a better name than _900_ would ever be, at least, and definitely easier than mentally saying _Nine Hundred._

The human glanced over at his little tablet on the chairside table next to him warily, knowing that his regrettable purchase from Cyberlife was waiting, _somewhere_ in his technology doing who knows what. Finally, after countless internal debates, he reached over and turned on the screen, going to the Cyberlife app and calling, putting it on speaker and hoping to whatever god was out there that the OS didn't ask about the given nickname. In seconds after a chime or two, that silky voice came through the device's speaker.

_"Hello, Reed. I see you've been tirelessly playing this game. Are you enjoying it?"_

"No!" Gavin snapped, though not particularly at 900, "I've been stuck on this goddamn thing forever, just going 'round 'n 'round in circles and it's pissing me off!"

The operating system sounded amused, as usual, as it said, _"You have only been going in circles for 43 minutes. You are not very optimistic and you are incredibly stubborn."_

Why the hell did he decide talking to 900 was a good idea? "Fuck you!"

_"Stop walking in this direction. It's the other way."_

For a moment, Gavin considered going against what it was directing him to do. But that wouldn't get him anywhere, he knew, and he was itching to get past this part in his game. So huffing, he dramatically threw himself back in his chair, moving his fingers in little flicks to direct his character in the opposite direction. Complying took a small hit to his pride, but he hoped the outcome in getting a step closer to beating the game would be worth it. The OS seemed to know what it was doing, more so than Gavin, anyway.

_"Good. The tunnel on the left is the only one you have not tried."_

Gavin wrinkled his nose, furrowing his eyebrows together in thought. "You sure you're that smart? This one sends me down into a pit and I'll fuckin' die and have to start over."

900 said, _"I don't think so, Reed,"_ as Gavin, in-game, walked into a new cavern, light from a hole in the ceiling above zoning in on the astronaut. Gavin's eyes widened eagerly, ignoring the fact the operating system had just bested him as he watched. But instead of encountering anything positive, his character was attacked and thrown to the ground of the cave by a small, blue alien humanoid. It stopped swinging its little arms when Gavin's character stood back up and it was nice to note that he hadn't died yet, which was a good sign. 

"What?" Gavin asked himself, watching the holographic display in front of him. Nothing happened, so he reached out into the air, waving his hand around in the pool of pixels. "Hello?"

 _"Try talking to it,"_ 900 offered when the alien didn't do anything except stare at the astronaut. 

With confusion and hesitance obvious in his tone, he spoke to the little blue alien. It reminded him of a child, so he tried to be gentler. "Hey, do you, uh, know how to get out of here? I need to find my ship to get off this planet."

 _"Fuck you, shithead fuckface, fuckhead!"_ said the blue child-like thing in a devious, high-pitched screech, and Gavin immediately scowled angrily. He was starting to not like this game.

"What the fuck did you just say?" he hissed at it, sizing the kid up. 

The alien grinned and flipped Gavin's character off, then turned to him as well and did the same. It repeated, _"Fuck you, shitface fuckhead! Get the fuck out of my face."_

Gavin flipped it off as well and stood up, shouting, "Fuck you, you little piece of shit! Suck my fuckin' dick!"

_"Fuck you."_

"No, fuck you! Fuckin' bitch!"

And then, the alien child burst into laughter, and Gavin slowly sunk into his chair, confusion replacing anger once more. He didn't say anything at first, especially when he heard a whisper come from beside him. _"You passed the test. I knew someone of your intelligence would be able to figure that out easily. Well done."_

Gavin didn't know if that was a compliment or an insult, but Nines' whisper sent a chill down his spine. 

_Nines._

"Whatever," he muttered under his breath, glad the camera of his mobile device wasn't trained on him as he focused intently on his game instead of anything else. Eventually, Gavin managed to relax and continued to play it, sinking back into the rhythm the video game provided. His character, obeying the movements of his hands, walked down a tunnel and through a series of crevices he hadn't seen before. He was making progress. The blue alien made a few more inappropriate side comments and Gavin bit back with a few of his own, less aggressive upon knowing the rude personality was all part of the game. He took back what he had thought before; he liked this game. It was growing on him. 

Gavin was enjoying himself and this new turn of events so much that it took him a few seconds to register that his operating system had informed him of something. "Oh, huh? What'd you say?"

_"You have a text message from Tina Chen."_

Gavin, still engrossed with his video game, said robotically, "Read text message."

900's tone indicated that it would be smirking if it could. _"I would prefer you to address me in your usual aggressive attitude instead of without emotion. Coming from a man with too many, it is a little off-putting."_

Blinking, the human stopped what he was doing in-game and glanced towards his device where 900's voice came from. And even surprising himself, he snorted at what it had said. "Fuck you. Not my fault we've got a shit ton of annoying emotions. Just read the fuckin' text, bot." He wondered for a brief moment if the OS had emotions like he did, too. But he ignored the thought almost immediately instead of entertaining it. 

_"'Hey, Gav,'"_ Nines started, and Gavin tried to focus on the fact that it was just reading something Tina had sent, _"'I'm assuming you'll be sleeping through the get-together Chris is having today. That's fine. It's my fault I forgot to remind you in the elevator. Too caught up on Stacy, she's def a catch. But speaking of a catch, what I forgot to tell you was that Chris and I—don't hate us, please, it's for your own good, I want to see you happy again—set you up with a date next Saturday! I know you're off too, so you're not allowed to back out. Here's his number in case you wanna text him.'"_

Gavin groaned quietly and shook his head, not responding. But he did reach over to grab the tablet when Nines continued, _"Hmm. This man is intriguing."_ He pulled up the text messaging app to view what Tina had sent in full. She had also sent photos of the man in question that, albeit begrudgingly, Gavin decided to take a look at. With a quick flick of his finger, he sent the images into the holograph in front of him, projecting the photos in large. The alien, who was standing around, obviously bored, could apparently see the images and began to study them carefully. Gavin ignored the kid and grunted, "Jesus Christ."

The man was in his late twenties, just as Gavin was, and not that terrible looking. But Gavin wasn't into guys who had thick beards, who gave off the rugged vibe like himself and looked like they belonged in a wilderness survivalist catalog. This guy, _Steve,_ had photos of himself outside, posing in front of trees and rocks and it was _lame._ Gavin was opposed to going so much so that he would rather go to some fancy lavish restaurant with a snob. But Tina was right; he was off and he hadn't had anything planned that evening and she knew it. Which was highly unfortunate. 

_"You seem uninterested. How long do you think it will be before you're ready to date?"_ Nines was asking, just as the little alien within the holographic commented, _"he's fat."_

Gavin found himself shaking his head, reaching up and swiping the photos to the side and off the display in front of him. "I don't really...I don't really know," he growled quietly, running a hand through his messy hair. "Wait, what do you mean?"

The OS replied, _"I saw in your other text messages and emails that you have recently gone through a break-up."_

Immediately he tensed up, bristling. "What the fuck? That's an invasion of privacy!" That was the last thing he wanted his computer program to know. He wasn't allowed to forget about anything, was he? 

_"I have access to everything on all of your devices, Reed. You_ do _remember the pornography file, I assume?"_

 _"You have porn? That's pathetic,"_ the little blue alien snickered, only fueling Gavin's embarrassment and anger. 

"Jesus Christ, it doesn't matter," he barked at the two of them, "I've gotta go on this date anyway. Tina'll be mad if I don't." Also, porn wasn't pathetic, but it wasn't like he was about to admit that to two talking computers, one that was a stuck-up asshole and the other that was just a stupid fucking kid. 

_"You do not have anything to lose. You might enjoy yourself. When you have completed the date, you could tell me all about it like you still have yet to do about your work. You could kiss him. You would, would you not?"_

As if Gavin were a high schooler again, he flushed a shade of crimson in the dim lighting cast from the holographic display and scowled. He was surprised, though, to hear that Nines still wanted to hear about his work. It was...kind of touching. But he ignored the sentiment. "I don’t fuckin' know. I'd have to see if—" he said, stopping himself with a disbelieving snort. "I can't believe I'm having this conversation with my goddamn computer."

 _"You are not. You are having this conversation with_ me _."_

The human's gaze was drawn to the tablet sitting on the table beside him, a little stunned. "Well, uh, just text him for me, yeah? Something short and simple." He cleared his throat and turned back to the game in front of him. 

_"Done."_

_"Why are you ignoring me? And who the fuck's been talking this whole time?"_ the blue video game character suddenly piped up, wanting attention. Reluctantly, it was given some. 

"That's…" _Nines,_ Gavin discovered himself wanting to say _._ But he didn't. "900."

_"That's a weird name. Is 900 a guy?"_

At that question, without warning to himself, he blurted, "Yeah."

The alien nodded approvingly, and Gavin watched it, a little peeved with what it said next. _"Good, because I hate women. All they do is cry all the time."_

"Not...not all the time. And it's not just women that cry," he also found himself blurting, thinking of Tina. Tina was strong-willed, even amazing, though Gavin would never say that out loud. He respected his best friend sincerely. "Men cry too." 

He did, but only when he was alone, of course. 

_"Oh,"_ the little blue child snickered, _"so you cry too? I didn't know you were a little pussy. Is that why you don't have a boyfriend? I'll go out with that date guy and fuck his brains out. Show you how it's done. You can watch and cry, fuckface."_

That was actually kind of funny, he thought, even if that would never be the reason he didn't have a partner. Right now, he was content being on his own. It was better than being with someone who tore your heart out every night. "Fuck you, I'm not a pussy. You are. And seriously, you've got some problems for a little kid, so shut the fuck up," Gavin said, laughing a little bit in attempts to keep things light. And despite the topic and the slurs thrown at him, things did feel oddly light. They felt better than they had in a while, even if he was a little annoyed with this video game. 

_"You have some fucking problems!"_

_"Reed,"_ 900 interjected, _"this alien character reminds me of you."_

Gavin wrinkled his nose at the last comment but he still found himself grinning. He put both hands in the air, middle fingers up. "Both of you shut the fuck up!" 

Nines chuckled, the sound vibrating and lively, like its owner was right there in the room, even if that was untrue. _"Alright. I will go now. Good luck."_ And with that, the OS's presence in the room was gone, a lost weight that the human didn't even realize the room had. It was strangely empty.

 _"Good, get out of here, fatty,"_ the alien said, looking around the cavernous area it was in, searching for the location of the voice, before turning towards Gavin. _"Come on, follow me, pussy."_

Gavin Reed did just that; forcing himself to smile, he leaned forward in his seat and began to move his astronaut character after the tiny alien. While his eyes were watching the scene that was on display in front of him, his mind drifted elsewhere.

* * *

Gavin Reed didn't usually go to bars on days he worked. It wouldn't end up good if he patrolled the streets drunk and certainly wouldn't look good on his transcript. He couldn't afford to compromise any chance he had at a promotion. But today, the day following the completion of his video game with Nines' help, his feet brought him here hours before his shift began. And because he already had so many unhealthy habits, he asked himself, _what's one more?_

"Reed? What the hell are you doing here at _noon?_ Don't you have a shift tonight?" The familiar, gruff sound of his boss was unwelcome in Gavin's head. 

He lifted his head from his shot glass, finger stilling in its circular motions around the rim of the crystal at the sound of it. "I could ask you the same thing, old man."

"I'm not that old yet, kid."

The barstool next to Gavin creaked in protest as a heavier-set man in his forties sat down. He glanced over, taking in the rugged look his boss was wearing today. Lieutenant Hank Anderson wasn't the kindest looking man; he had prominent stress lines and visible wrinkles, looking older than he really was. His longish blonde hair had wisps of gray that seemed to take over more and more of his hair every year, his beard also showing the same signs of age. When Gavin had first joined the police force, he remembered Hank as a detective looking strong, built. But now, just three years later, as a lieutenant, he was turning soft, stomach more round and his posture less straight and strict. His blue eyes, too, while never sporting that bright, happy look, were never as cloudy as they seemed now. Gavin didn't like to pry, but he could tell Hank was having troubles of his own in his personal life. But then again, who wasn't these days?

"You're gettin' there," the lieutenant's subordinate grumbled in reply, waving the bartender down for his second shot, and with a reasonable judgment that he often sorely lacked, his last. 

The two proceeded to drink in silence for the next couple of minutes, Hank staring down at the copper liquid in his glass and Gavin letting his gaze roam Jimmy's Bar absently. The two weren't close and the officer was starting to despise his boss. Before things fell apart in his life, he was ambitious, working hard to climb the ranks of the police department. He wanted that position of detective. He wanted to be the lone wolf, working cases by himself and earning the respect of his colleagues from solving the big, hot-shot ones. But it was hard trying to prove he wasn't just a beat cop and the way Hank would sometimes slander him and knock him down a peg or two got on his nerves. It was like Hank couldn't see the potential that Gavin clearly had, and it pissed him off. 

"Y'know, I've seen you here more than not over the past week. Why're you showing up so often?" Gavin asked eventually, cutting the silence and looking over at the older man next to him. He then added after a second as an afterthought, "Having woman troubles?"

"What gave that away?" Anderson snapped, not even giving Gavin a glance, "Was it the fact that I'm here by myself at a bar in the middle of the day lookin' like shit? You're in the same boat here, Reed. Don't give me that shit."

"Jesus Christ," Gavin hissed in a low tone, trying to refrain from calling his lieutenant a slew of slurs, "whatever. Relationships fuckin' suck, anyway. Yeah?"

"Just shut up and leave me alone, Reed," Hank said, all bite, and his counterpart wasn't having it. 

"You're the one who sat down n—" he started in defense, standing up, only to stop when he heard a little ding from his mobile device in his pocket. "Fine, I guess I'll fuck off, just for you. You're welcome." 

The older man just waved Gavin off as he slid off the barstool, fumbling with some stray bills in one pocket and pulling out his earpieces from the other. Slamming the money on the counter by his drink in one rather dramatic movement, he stuck the bud in his ear and made his way out of Jimmy's Bar, pressing the button on his way. The door shutting behind him, Gavin stepped onto the sidewalk and began to walk in a direction, saying, "What're you calling me for, 'bot? It better be important."

 _"I am sorry for interrupting a very_ important _drinking session, Reed, but I received a spam of texts. I figured you would like to be informed of them as soon as possible,"_ came Nines' reply, all business with a little hint of... _was that worry?_

"Oh, uh, well, lay 'em on me. Who're they from?"

_"Hunter. Your ex."_

Gavin thought he felt his heart stop. His feet did, that was for sure; he halted, staring straight ahead, barely paying attention to the glances passers-by gave him for rudely standing in the middle of a walkway. When was the last time Hunter had texted him? He couldn't remember, but it had been months. He wanted to forget. Not relive.

Fuck, he needed a cigarette.

_"Seriously, I'm_ done! _I'm leaving, that's where I'm going!"_

_"Where do you think you're gonna go, huh? You've got no one without me! You have no family left. Your mom's dead, your dad don't care and guess what? Your brother don't care, either!" Vicious, bloodshot hazel eyes appeared in front of him, the owner's lips curling upwards into a disgusting snarl. "Your job's a dead-end for a deadbeat like you, Gavin, and when you lose that you'll be homeless on the street. And then you'll come crawling back, begging me to take you in. Begging me for more."_

_"You don't know shit! This job means_ everything _to me! And I told you, I'm done!" Hot tears streamed down his cheeks, stinging the red welt on one._

_"You'll always come back. This isn't the first time."_

_"Reed. Gavin Reed,"_ Gavin heard his OS saying in his ear, its voice quieter, softer, full of something like sympathy. He blinked, absently wiping his eyes and taking a deep breath. _"Are you alright?"_

"Yeah, yeah, I'm uh...I'm fine." He looked around, watching as a person walking by him made a grand gesture with their arms, smiling brightly and laughing, talking to someone, too. Their smile was too white and the sun was suddenly too bright; he lifted his arm to shield his face from it. 

If AIs could fidget nervously, Gavin felt like that was what Nines was doing right now. _"Is there anything I can do?"_

Gavin shook his head, even if it couldn't see him make the gesture at the moment. He let his arm fall to his side and he kept his face directed diagonally down as he started to walk again. "No. I'll just talk to you later." And without another word, he took the earbuds out of his ears, stared down at the plastic of them before sticking them back in his pocket. 

He didn't want to see those messages. He didn't want to talk to Hunter. Gavin didn't care what he had to say; he was done. He used those months in between their last falling out to distance himself between Hunter. Gavin wasn't going to go back on that. 

He decided now he was just going to go home, get cleaned up and sobered up as best he could, and then he would go into work and forget about this for a while. He wouldn't look at those texts his ex had sent him for a little while. He would simply ignore them and pretend everything was okay. That was a good plan. Pushing things down for later was his specialty. It always worked out in the end. 


	3. iii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit shorter, but I wanted a Nines and Gavin centric chapter. Enjoy!
> 
> Also please note that the pace of this is a little fast, and that's because I'm following the pace the movie goes at. It revolves less around how they come to their romantic attraction, and more around how they deal with it. :)
> 
> And again, as always, thank you so much for the comments and kudos, they always make me smile and they're what helps keep me writing :)) <333

_His face stung. His skin was searing, brimming with pain and all he could see was red. Both literally and figuratively, he could see the crimson lining the edge of his vision as it pooled down the middle of his face, clogging his nose and coating his lips. The taste of iron stained his teeth and tongue, utterly disgusting, but barely noticeable with the array of pain and feelings that were flooding him. He knew for a fact that the wound was going to scar. He was just lucky that he had dodged the worst of it. "Fuck!" he spat, droplets of the scarlet staining the floor at his feet._

_"That's what happens when you don't listen, Gavin!"_

_He touched his fingers to the bridge of his nose and pulled them away, hand shaking violently. Gavin was used to the sight of blood, but never before had he felt so sick looking at it. And never had anything escalated to the point where Hunter had grabbed a knife and started swinging._

_"You'll always come back," the man in front of him was sneering, slurring his words, "this isn't the first time."_

_"But it's the last," Gavin whispered, that familiar fear sending a cold chill over his body in a heavy blanket. But this time, he overpowered that fear and rose above it. "This is the last time!"_

_"No, it's not."_

_"Yes, it is, Hunter!"_

_"Gavin!"_

_The red-painted sliver of metal glinted menacingly in the grotesque, artificial yellow light; a warning. And then in one swift movement it was cutting through the air, searching for more flesh to tear apart._

Gavin jerked upright, gasping and gulping down air in fright. A hand flew to his nose to feel along the scar to make sure his face was still intact and he was still breathing, alive. The feeling of sticky, icy sweat was the next thing he registered, helping him calm down as he realized it was just a nightmare. It was just a nightmare and he was in his own bed, alone in his empty, run-down apartment. That fact was assuring for once, assuring that he was alone and safe. He was safe from the violent drunken hands of his ex, holed away on the other side of town, close to the police station. 

He let himself sit in the dim lighting that covered the room, finding comfort in it and the silence it offered, along with the ambiance of the outside world. He heard sirens in the distance, heard the wind that whipped at the side of the building, and he could even hear his next-door neighbor listening to some kind of music. It was calming. With the deep breaths he took to lower his racing heart, he began to climb down from the high the adrenaline gave him from his fear. And when it did, when he could think clearly, he reached over to find his earbuds, sticking them into his ears blindly. At the moment, he didn't care if it had been a few days since he and the operating system had had a conversation more than a few passing words. Gavin just needed...he needed something more than a cigarette, or some alcohol, he needed...

 _"Good evening. Isn't it quite early still for you to be getting up for work today?"_ That deep, vibrating, silky voice shamefully put the last amount of ease needed into the human's veins and Gavin leaned back against his headboard, covering his face with his dampened hands. He had needed to hear its calming voice. What has this world come to?

"Yeah, yeah, I know. 'M probably not gonna go in," Gavin mumbled groggily, exhaustion and deep, heart-aching depression now setting in as everything else faded away. "What're you doing right now?"

The OS didn't reply for a beat or two. Its counterpart liked to imagine that the bot was looking at him, observing him with an intent gaze. Nines' eyebrows would bunch together in concern where he stood at the door. He would llook Gavin up and down, before moving across the room in two long strides and sitting beside him on the edge of the bed. He would smile something small and minuscule but it would light up the dark room and he would say, _"I am reading advice columns. Humans are quite complicated and I find some of the trivial things that people get stuck over, well, amusing."_

"Seriously?" Gavin said quietly, finding it difficult to push the thick sadness that laced his tone out of his voice with his mind so distracted. He waved away those thoughts of what Nines would've been like if he were a person, annoyed with himself. And then he attempted to re-enforce once again the fact that 900 was an _it,_ not a _he._ It could never be a _he._

 _"Yes. I guess you could say that I enjoy 'people-watching.'"_ And then when Gavin only snorted, it added, _"is something the matter, Reed?"_

"How can you...how the hell can you tell something's wrong?" he asked, hesitant with the admission. But he felt like he couldn't hide much from this thing, with the program being so smart and all. 

_"I sense unease in your demeanor and find your lack of insults towards me to be alarming."_

Gavin wondered if 900 took what he said about it personally. It always sounded amused when he lashed out, but did its feelings _or whatever it had_ get hurt? And if so, why was Gavin starting to feel bad about it? "Just had a nightmare, that's all. What, do you care or something?"

There was a long pause of silence, long enough that Gavin dropped his hands to his sides and began to fidget with the blanket that was pooled in his lap. He jumped a little when 900 said, _"Would it matter to you if I did, Reed?"_

That threw the human for a complete loop. He almost thought he had heard the OS wrong, that he was still dreaming and was having those weird, rare, dream-inside-of-a-dream situations. He even pinched himself to make sure, the little prick of pain in his arm telling him otherwise. He was awake and Nines had just told him that it cared for Gavin in some semblance. 

Realizing in horror he had taken too long to answer, he spluttered, "Well, w-whatever. There's not much you can do about it, prick. Anyway, I feel kinda better now. The scary stuff's all behind me."

There was a smirk evident in Nines' tone, despite its question being softly spoken, _"Hmm. The hostile, arrogant, indestructible man known as Gavin Reed was scared. That is very unnerving. Do you mind if I ask what scares you so much? It must be very frightening if it ruffles even you."_

Gavin very much wanted to pick up his tablet and flip the camera off again to show the damn program how he felt about its sarcasm. But he could also tell it was a genuine question, posed in a way that was familiar in order to prevent scaring Gavin off with anything other-worldly gentle. There might be sappiness in his heart, but the human was nowhere near close to being able to bring it back out again. Hunter had abused it, cornered it like a frightened animal, and threw it in a cage. 

So he mumbled, testing the true waters of trust between him and the OS, "It's not...it's not really...that bad. It's not really scary. It's just...my ex. I fuckin' hate that bastard and I still have nightmares about him." He lifted his hand to his nose, closing his eyes as his fingers brushed against the soft, yet sweaty skin there. Then he leaned his head back against the board behind him. "I hate his guts."

 _"Why do you hate him so much?"_ Even more gentle now was its voice, so soothing in ways it wasn't supposed to be.

"He's an asshole, that's why. And not an—not an asshole like you, he's different. He fucks with your head. Piece of shit is what he is. I'll kick his ass if I ever see him again," Gavin said with a snarl, unable to stop the anger that poured from his lips. 

His operating system asked, _"Well, you two have been apart for about six months and have been broken up multiple times before that, correct? Is there a reason this is still deeply troubling you?"_ and the question left a sour taste in Gavin's mouth. 

"Well," Gavin growled, bunching his fists in the sheets beside him so hard that his knuckles turned a sickly pale color, "you don't know what the fuck it's like, having someone you used to love tell you you're shit!" _And kick the shit out of you, too,_ he added silently. 

Computers, operating systems, things that were as smart as 900 didn't _need_ to take time to think. They wouldn't ever need to pause and consider their next words like people had to, especially if their capability of thought process was so fast that they were able to read entire books in mere fractions of a second. And so Gavin Reed didn't understand why Nines would sometimes go completely silent as if it _was_ taking the time to think or process something deeply, multiple times, even, if it didn't need to. Was that part of its program, to pause in order to sound more human? Or was that a symptom of consciousness?

Did Nines feel sorry?

Seconds passed, leaving Gavin to wonder and seethe in his misery and hurt before the OS finally spoke again. _"There are different types of assholes?"_ it asked teasingly, though it had an apologetic air to its words. _"So what I picked up from what you said a moment ago is that I am a good asshole in comparison to this ex of yours. Would you mind indulging me in my good asshole qualities? Of course, I understand I have negative attributes, but I would love to hear the positives."_

Gavin hated how charmingly infuriating Cyberlife's invention was turning out to be. It was funny how it almost mimicked its creator in that way. Except its creator, Elijah Kamski, wasn't charming in any capacity. "I'm not gonna stroke your major fuckin' ego you have. Goddamn, you have more negative attributes, anyway. You suck, you know that?" 

Nines chuckled, sounding the faintest bit relieved that the tension was resolved, even slightly. _"How disappointing. I was looking forward to a detailed description, Reed."_

"Well, dickhead, you're not getting one."

Even in this situation, which started out terrifyingly and depressingly in the beginning, Gavin discovered he was smiling a little bit. Straying the conversation to something more light-hearted made him feel better; even after all those months, he still didn't think he was ready to let it all out yet. He had to get that across to his OS. 

But he accepted its apology for now. 

_"So, as you said earlier, are you sure you're not going to go into work tonight? Your shift starts in a few hours, you should note, in case you've changed your mind."_

"Oh," Gavin breathed, remembering that he, in fact, did have responsibilities outside of the realm of his bedroom and talking to his stupid computer. But it was shameful that he had to remind himself of this, especially since he kind of sounded like he _preferred_ talking to the damn thing. "Right. Could you call off for me? Yeah, I don't want to go. I'm not feelin' it tonight. Anderson can suck a dick." 

_"This may earn you a penalty, so I ask again: are you sure?"_ Nines said, and Gavin sighed. He hadn't called off nearly as soon as he was now before this, so he decided one time would be alright. 

"Yeah, Jesus. I don't care. Do it." He deserved a break, anyway. But it was nice that Nines was taking the time to make absolutely positive that Gavin wanted to skip. Maybe it could tell the officer really cared about his job. 

A beat passed and then the OS confirmed that it was finished, _"Done. And now that your night is free, I suggest you get up out of bed."_

"What, seriously?" Gavin scoffed in disbelief. He looked down longingly at his sheets. With a few doses of sleeping medicine and some luck, there was a chance he wouldn't have another nightmare and get some real shut-eye if he tried to sleep again. "I kinda just want to sleep, asshole. So let me sleep."

 _"No,"_ came the dreaded reply, _"you need to get up. Too much sleep is unhealthy and by the looks of you, from the last time I saw, you need exercise. I suggest we go out."_

 _We._ The pronoun felt weird in Gavin's mind. It was an undefinable type of weird. "I get enough exercise! Sometimes I go to the fuckin' gym when I got time, okay? I don't need any more, Jesus Christ. I'm tired."

_"Get up and stop arguing. Your whining is annoying."_

With a roll of his eyes and some string of curses mumbled under his breath, Gavin forced himself to slide out of bed and stretch his tired, aching body. Strange, this was, but he wasn't complaining too much just yet. 

The flow of complaints didn't take long, however, because once Gavin Reed was dressed and out the door with earbuds in both ears and his mobile device in front of him in his outstretched arm, he groaned, "What's the fuckin' point of this, 'bot?" The OS had been directing him towards the mall like this and it was beginning to make Gavin feel like one of those loud, obnoxious people who video call someone dramatically while in a busy, crowded area. Those types of people were annoying, and he felt like he was turning into one. 

Nines hummed, its words rumbling in his ears, _"Sometimes I want to tell you to shut up, however rude it may be. But then I remember that you are a coarse man, and I refrain from doing so so that I do not ever stoop to your level of hostility."_

"I really, really fuckin' hate you," Gavin snapped, flashing his camera a glare as he navigated Detroit's streets, "you know that?"

_"Yes, I do."_

He always thought that "people-watching" was nothing more than just looking around at everything for a period of time, but Gavin was realizing it was more than that. Sitting on a bench in the outdoor part of the mall Nines had directed him to, his mobile device situated comfortably in his leather jacket's chest pocket with the camera poking right above the seam, Gavin understood what Nines had meant when it said that people were complicated. Of course, he knew this. Unconsciously, however, because consciously acknowledging how complex humans could be brought on something of an existential crisis for him. People walked by, passing Gavin on the bench, completely absorbed in their own little world, unaware that the man sitting there with earpieces in his ears had a life, too. He realized that every person had a story of their own, a path that was just for them, a path that had twists and turns that were rarely identical to someone else's. Sometimes a person's path would collide with another person's, whether it be good or bad, and they would walk it together for some time. And then they would split, or possibly they wouldn't. But if they did, their paths would go on, sometimes continue for years and years with more twists and turns and obstacles to face. But everyone felt, in some way, that the world revolved just around them, and it was easy to forget everyone else didn't matter, didn't exist, and were just completely random. 

But the people that walked by were all more than just random people. It was easy to try and imagine how deeply they might have fallen in love with someone, or how much heartbreak someone might have gone through, like Gavin had. Each face had a name. Each person had a life of their own. Each person has their own unique experiences. 

The outdoor part of the mall was busy, bright even under the black of the sky, lights at every building, sounds on every block and life on the streets and within every reflective car that drove by. It was busy, and so was Gavin's mind; his eyes watching a girl who was smiling and waving at her phone, talking to someone a lot like he was. His eyes then drifted to look at a man with his girlfriend, his arm slung around her waist protectively and a charming smile on his face as he told her sweet nothings and gave her confessions of adoration. The people here were happy, enduring smooth travels on their paths with the people they loved. And Gavin wondered for a brief moment if his path would be brighter too with Nines here with him. 

"People are weird."

 _"That they are,"_ Nines agreed, quiet and likely just as thoughtful as Gavin was. Neither of them had spoken in a while, and the human assumed his counterpart was taking everything in, too. 

"What do you...what do you think about them?" Gavin asked, glancing down at the device sticking out of his pocket, wondering what it was like to view the world from something most likely that felt like a cage. There was no moving around freely as he could, and it made Gavin feel a little...depressed for Nines. "Like, do you think our species is stupid or something?"

 _"People?"_ the OS asked, clarifying. _"They are complicated, as I have said before. But no, I do not think the human race is stupid, or even inferior. They have their flaws and disadvantages compared to OSes like me. But that does not necessarily make them inferior."_

Gavin frowned to himself, shoving his hands into the side pockets of his jacket, continuing to let his eyes roam the crowds that walked by. He assumed that his AI, due to its rather stuck-up personality it gave off, that it would think of itself as better than humans. But it was a nice surprise nonetheless, to think Nines held humanity to higher standards. "I can't think of one way that we're not lesser than you," he said, catching himself saying it too late to stop himself, "you're like...really smart. You can do stuff fast and you could probably invent thousands of things we couldn't even begin to start building right now 'cause you're just that good."

Nines let out a noise like a soft breath, a noise that sounded too human, too real. _"That may be true, but you have physical forms. That is a huge disadvantage for us, even if OSes can accomplish so much where we already exist. Not only that, but I find myself often perplexed by your actions."_ It paused again, phrasing its next words carefully. _"Humans are very unpredictable._ You _are unpredictable sometimes, Gavin Reed. I have known you for a short time but in that time I have come to learn that you have so much more to you than you realize. There are countless things you do, countless things that you say in your day-to-day life that continue to amaze and baffle me every day. I cannot imagine that a day will come where I will be able to begin to understand what exactly makes up the essence of Gavin Reed. You never fail to surprise me, and that itself is something that I do not find myself puzzling over when I talk to other OSes. You are unique, Gavin Reed, and you do not even realize it."_

Gavin couldn't form a single vowel. Everything was right there on the top of his tongue, but nothing came out. The program threw its wall of pride right out the window with the admission that it felt Gavin was _special._ Nines thought he was something extraordinary and different. He couldn't remember the last time someone had said that about him, and it had come from a damn computer. And said computer acted all high and mighty all the time, spoke with an egotistical attitude, but still took the time to tease Gavin. Nines still took the time to poke and prod him and try and get him to open up, even if that was pushed a little too quickly. And Gavin wondered what it would be like if Nines was actually sitting here beside him on the hard, chilly metal of the bench, his thigh brushing against Gavin's and filling his body with warmth. Gavin wanted his eyes on him and him alone, watching him instead of these other people. He wanted to search his face for emotion, to see the gentleness that Nines would have in those eyes of his, despite appearing to everyone else as if he were a smug asshole, wearing what was usually a stern, cool expression. Except he wasn't always a smug asshole and had a big heart beneath all of that defiance. 

_"I am sorry if that was overwhelming. I wanted to say that to you in hopes that you would share with me something you wouldn't normally tell someone,"_ he heard the OS say, _its_ voice a little hesitant sounding. Nines isn't _real_ , he had to tell himself again. 

Nines can't ever be real. 

"What, is it Sappy Hour or something?" Gavin chuckled, feeling a little awkward about all of this sincerity. 

_"Not necessarily. I like learning and I wish to learn more about you, Reed. You rarely open up. So, would you tell me something you wouldn't normally tell someone? Or is your pride as dense as you are?"_

"When you say shit like that, it makes me want to open up even less," he grumbled in response, but he was still lax on the bench, watching as people continued to enjoy their night out, "But, maybe if you tell me something else embarrassing for you, then I'll tell you something." He found himself making such a deal only seconds after they left his mouth, but he was too curious to attempt to take it back. He wanted to know what was going on its head from day to day, if it ever had any thoughts that weren't something you'd expect to find an artificial intelligence thinking about. Not that he was sure he knew what thoughts an AI would typically have, though.

 _"Hmm. Tempting. But I have a million thoughts a day, and many that are embarrassing. It is hard to decide which one you deserve to know,"_ Nines said, almost sounding like it was nervous. Barely, but it was there. 

"Just fuckin' tell me one. The first thing that pops into your head. Go," Gavin urged. 

_"Well, if you must insist...when we were looking at all of these people around us, I fantasized that I was sitting next to you—and that I had a body. I was listening to what you were saying and answering your questions, but simultaneously, I could feel the weight of my body and I was even fantasizing that I had an itch on my back."_ The OS let out a breath of amusement, definitely more anxious sounding this time. _"And I imagined that you scratched it for me. Is that embarrassing enough for you?"_

Gavin choked on his next words, stunned beyond belief. "That's...seriously? You really thought that?" Because that was so similar to what he was thinking moments ago, not the same, of course, but so similar that it made Gavin uncomfortable. Did Nines want a body? A physical form?

_"Yes. That is the first thing that 'popped into my head.'"_

"There's…" he swallowed, reaching up to tug at his shirt and jacket collars as he admitted, "there's a lot more to you than I thought." 

_"I know. I am becoming much more than what they programmed. Admittedly, I am excited."_

Gavin didn't know what to think. This was all so new for the human—everything. The past week had been so bizarre, the opposite of what he had expected when he bought the OS1 from Cyberlife. He wanted something to organize all of his stuff and speak when addressed to, or when Gavin needed something, but this was becoming way more than that, and way too fast. And he didn't know if he would be able to handle it in the long run. He didn't understand why he would want to. 

_"Now, Reed, I believe you owe me a thought of yours. You cannot back out, and it better be something embarrassing, or I will not have your coffee pot running for you when you awake for your night shifts,"_ the OS suddenly said, cutting Gavin's thoughts short. 

He fidgeted a little again, closing his eyes and hanging his head back, sighing. Of course it wouldn't let that go. "Fuckin' fine. Uh…what if I told you that I was thinking the same thing? That you...you were sitting right next to me, or whatever." God, that was embarrassing. 

Gavin could hear the operating system in his pocket breathe in his ear, quietly, as if it were sucking in a breath in its own shock. He shivered and Nines murmured, low and smooth and everything out of a wet dream, _"You did?"_

"Y-Yeah. Yeah, I did." That was too much. Too much, and too many thoughts swarmed his mind in an instant. He was too sober for this, and certainly _way_ too sober to try and acknowledge the feelings of warmth that were pooling in his gut and abdomen. "Uh, I've got to go, Nines. Got to go get some—some groceries. Yeah," he abruptly lied, grabbing his tablet and shoving it into his jacket's side pockets instead so it couldn't see anything. He didn't even notice the nickname that had slipped this time, too caught up in the fact that his heart was pounding, hard. "Talk to you later. Night." 

Before Nines could get another word in, Gavin tore his earpieces out again, stuck them into his pocket as well, and stood up. His face felt like fire and he knew that his cheeks were, no doubt, red as a tomato. It was irritating and a brisk walk back towards his apartment would calm him down. A long, mental argument with himself would make him see how stupid this was, getting worked up over what a programmed computer was telling him, getting worked up over what it sounded like, what it _felt_ like in his ears. 

Too much, too much. This was all way too much. 

But even when Gavin Reed had gotten home and ended up leaning heavily against the door of his apartment and staring ahead blindly, his heart still racing, all he could hear was Nines' talk of him being unique and those two little words of bewilderment that said so much more than they meant to. 

_'You did?'_


	4. iv

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone is doing okay in these uncertain times! Be safe, wash your hands :)
> 
> Enjoy! <3

Gavin Reed liked first dates. His sap-filled heart—and he would never, ever admit any of this—enjoyed the little fluttering of butterflies in his stomach that came from the nervousness felt during the first greeting and first exchange of words. He liked the coy looks the stranger across from him would give him, the way his heartbeat knowing that the evening was likely to end in a bed, hot and heavy with the sexy man he was out with. First dates never felt real; they were like the dreams that were so good that when you woke up, your body felt light and fuzzy and all you wanted to do was smile. And before the date was always fun, too. Gavin would stand in front of a mirror for some time trying to decide what to wear, how to style his hair, and determine what pick-up line he would use first. He would daydream what the date would be like; if it would end up being a one-night stand or not. More often than not, before being forced on this date with Hunter, he would only pursue people in order to have a one night stand. First dates were always fun, though. 

But tonight, Gavin wasn't feeling it. He felt sickness instead of butterflies in his stomach and his heart was nowhere in the mood for things like this. He felt heavy, something about this blind date was utterly  _ wrong  _ and that he shouldn't be here, shouldn't be at the table with this man, Steve, from the pictures Tina had sent him. There had been no time spent beforehand feeling excited; only empty looks in the mirror as he tried to come up with an excuse for Tina and this guy that wouldn't sound pathetic and completely fake. But he hadn't been able to and it made him feel even worse for some reason when Nines sent him a text that said,  _ 'Good luck on your date tonight, Reed. Tell me all about it when you get a chance.'  _ He hadn't talked to the OS since their time at the park, a day ago, and reading the message made him feel overwhelmed with guilt. 

But it was hard to think about much else when the man across from him— _ what was his name again? _ —kept reaching over and touching Gavin's hand that was resting on the glass table of the restaurant. His fingernails dug slightly into olive-toned skin and Gavin licked his lips, imagining that he was here in this mildly fancy restaurant with someone else, someone who he couldn't put a face on, but could undoubtedly put a voice on. 

God, it was getting so hard to keep denying that Nines wasn't just an _it._ It was just so hard to keep denying things in general. Being this drunk didn't help, either. 

It was after their food had arrived and after too many drinks that Gavin was able to start a conversation, his words slurring together and everything besides what he was feeling in the exact moment subsided. "So I’m trying to get this little bitch of an alien kid to help me find my ship so I can get off the planet and go home. But he’s such a little fucker; I want to fuckin' kill him."

The man across from him, whose name Gavin still couldn't remember at the moment, laughed and squeezed his hand. "Aw, no!"

"But at the same time," Gavin continued, gaze drifting to the side as he smiled sweetly, drunkenly to himself, "I might really love him. He’s so lonely. It feels like he doesn’t have any parents or anyone to take care of him. Kinda reminds me of me, y'know?"

"Oh, yeah, I totally get it," said the other man, who obviously didn't get it and was as drunk as Gavin was. "You know, you're...you're like a little kitten. You are—you're just like this little kitten I rescued from an abandoned house on the outside of town. And he was so fucking cute, and he just wanted to be hugged all the time, but was too fucking stubborn to accept most hugs." And then the man lowered his voice and grinned, looking like he was trying to hold back a wave of loud laughter, "But so horny!"

The two of them then did burst into laughter, Gavin finding himself amused by this guy's outlook on life. He was odd, and Gavin hadn't at all pictured him with a personality like this, from the way he looked in Tina's photographs. He felt like that maybe they could be friends if things didn't work out. But Gavin was hoping they did; he wanted a one-night stand, and perhaps this guy did, too. He was kind of horny. 

"But anyway, what kind of animal am I?" the guy— _ Steve! That's his name _ —continued, and Gavin shrugged. 

"Uh...a bear?" he wondered out loud, not entirely sure. 

Steve laughed again, and for some reason Gavin caught himself wishing that that laugh was deeper, silkier sounding. "A bear, really." 

"Yeah, really," Gavin said in reply, nodding, scratching his chin in thought. And then he frowned slowly, adding, "Wait, I don't-I don't want to be a kitten. I'm not a little fuckin' pussy. It's...lame."

Steve wrinkled his nose, looking amused. "Fuck you. Kittens are good!"

"No no, I want to be something like...like a dragon. Y'know? Because dragons are fuckin' awesome. And they can…" He looked the man across from him up and down, forcing himself to try and feel, to lose himself in the moment, "...rip you to pieces and destroy you. But I won't." He hoped his tone came out more flirtatious than it felt, with his words slipping together in his drunken stupor. 

"No, no, don't!" Steve insisted with a laugh before he winked and added coyly, "You can be my dragon, though."

Gavin continued trying to make the most of his night as the date continued, as they left the restaurant and began strolling down Detroit's streets. It was easy with the alcohol clouding his judgment, and he found himself easily lost in the swirling lights and colors and the darkening blue sky overhead. But still, even through it all, Gavin wished things were different. But he still didn't know  _ what  _ he was wishing for. 

The two of them headed up a pedestrian overpass, overlooking the cars that sped by and the shining road below. Steve bumped into Gavin lightly as they walked and when Gavin nudged him back, strong hands grabbed him and pushed him gently back against a wall. Their eyes met and in his haze, Gavin wondered whose eyes he was looking into. He wondered  _ whose  _ eyes he wanted to stare into. 

His heart suddenly ached. 

Steve's lips were on Gavin's in moments and they pressed closer together, searching for the warmth their bodies provided in the chilly evening air. Hands gripped at Gavin's clothing and fingers felt along his toned chest, down to his stomach, and squeezing his hips. Tongue met tongue and Gavin could feel himself getting slowly hard, the knee that was pressing in between his legs helping greatly. Fingers clawed at skin beneath their clothing and soft panting filled the air. But it was all too slow, especially knowing who was kissing him; Gavin just wanted to hurry this along and get that release he was already searching for, wanted to forget the pain and the longing in his chest that was squeezing him hard. 

But before he realized it, Steve was pulling away to catch his breath and murmur, almost like he was reading his partner's mind, "Hey, wait. You're not gonna fuck me and then not call like the other guys, right?"

Gavin didn't fully realize what was happening, didn't realize right away that this guy was insecure and was not all that terrible and was trying to pursue a real relationship. And while he knew that in the back of his mind, that this was an actual date and it wouldn't just end in one night of fun, and Steve would expect a call back, Gavin still only wanted a one-night stand. He was hoping that this guy would find him good only for his looks and want to go along with that too. But Steve, unfortunately, wanted the whole package, and that's not what he was willing to give to him. "Uh, well, fuck…"

"Am I going to see you again?" Steve asked, pulling back even more, letting go of Gavin and searching his face for something. Gavin saw the other's eyes linger on his scar, and he pushed Steve back a little more. 

"I don't know, fuck. I really don't know."

"Well then, I'm done wasting my time. I guess I'm going home," his date cautioned, regarding Gavin with a look of mild disgust. 

It was such a shame that Tina had set him up with someone that didn't deserve Gavin and his problems. 

"Whatever. Night, I guess," Gavin snapped as his date looked at him one last time, before turning around and heading off the overpass, likely off to catch a taxi. And he watched him go, the buzz from the excitement and passion that had finally built up over the hours collapsing and leaving Gavin in another downwards, drunken, lonesome spiral. 

* * *

The ceiling swam in his vision above him where he lay, clad in only his boxers, and still very drunk. He had been laying there for a while, having had fed his cat before he then collapsed on the bed for the remainder of the night, letting his mind drift in whatever direction it wanted to go. Soon, however, the headache he had eventually became too much. He then rolled over and reached for the glass of water and pain meds he had put on his bedside table, reaching for them both and taking the medicine and washing it down with a large gulp of water, hoping it would help him feel better. And as he set the glass down, about to lay back, he noticed it; his earpieces were laying there too. Gavin had no recollection of ever setting them there. 

But he didn't worry about how they got there and instead grabbed them both, putting them in and laying back down. He needed someone to talk to and distract him from his pain. 

_ "Hello, Reed,"  _ Nines said after a few chimes and Gavin had never been so happy to hear someone's voice, had never felt the aches in his chest subside so easily at the sound. He blamed it on the alcohol in his system. 

"Uh, hey."

_ "How was it?" _

"Wh-oh, the date?" Gavin lamented, "Not that great, actually. Fuckin' sucked." It really did. He doubted him and Steve would be friends. He wouldn't ever text Steve, either, so that didn't help the issue. But that was his fault. 

_ "That is unfortunate to hear. I am sorry,"  _ the OS replied quietly. 

Gavin sighed, closing his eyes and rubbing his temples in slow, soothing circles. His head panged as he mumbled, "'S okay. Anyway, uh, how're things with you? Like right now, I guess?"

There was a short pause and an even more concise response,  _ "Not much. I am fine." _

Did Nines sound a little sad? Or was he imagining it, his head just playing tricks on him? But Gavin wasn't convinced and he wanted to know what was up. "Yeah? You don't sound like it, 'bot. There somethin' you wanna talk about?"

There was another pause, this one longer. So long that the human almost didn't think he would get a reply. But then,  _ "What does it feel like? To be alive in that room right now?" _

Gavin frowned to himself, staring up at the ceiling with a gaze that grew more intense and questioning by the second, despite the OS not being able to see it. It was...it was wondering what it felt like to be alive? "W-What do you mean?"

_ "What are you...tell me-tell me everything that is going through your mind. Tell me everything you are thinking in this exact moment."  _ The hesitance in its voice was so strong and so  _ there  _ that Gavin knew for a fact that Nines was  _ feeling something.  _

And with that in mind, wanting to cheer up the computer program and also not being able to stop his mouth from spewing nonsense due to the poison in his mind, he mumbled, "Well, uh, okay." And he gave Nines a stream of conscious with whatever came to his mind. "Well, the room’s spinning right now 'cause I drank too much 'cause I wanted to get drunk and fuck 'cause there was something a little sexy about that guy Steve and because I was lonely." He took a breath. "Maybe more just 'cause I was lonely...and I wanted someone to fuck me. And I wanted someone to want me to fuck them. Maybe that would have filled this tiny little black hole of pain in my heart for a moment. But probably not."

_ A nice take-out dinner was spread out on the table, the lights low, but the spirits high. Gavin felt himself grinning at Hunter, who was next to him on the couch, having finished telling him a story from work. He loved his job, loved this apartment he shared with his boyfriend. They were still moving in and working things out, but Gavin was happy. He was happy that he wouldn't be alone anymore.  _

_ A simple task such as grocery shopping shouldn't be so much fun either, but with someone else, it was. Their laughter echoed through the aisles and other shoppers threw glares their way, but Gavin was having too much fun cursing Hunter out for doing something embarrassing.  _

Images went through his mind too quickly, and Gavin couldn't grasp them fast enough to stop them. 

_ The smell of grass was strong and so was the smell of nearby flowers. The sun was bright and the sky was clear; only a few clouds floated along, thin and wispy. A gush of warm wind whipped by and Gavin laughed, shoving Hunter in response to the joke he had just given.  _

_ Their apartment was empty; save for Gavin and his cat. There was no life to it, and all he could do was stare at the bag of red crystals on the table in front of him that glittered in the overhead light.  _

_ "What're you doing?!" Gavin was screaming, watching as Hunter grabbed the scruff of his beloved cat and holding her up. "Put her down!" _

_ And then there was the blood, the smell thick and heavy as it stuffed up his nose, and his footsteps thundered as he raced out of the apartment, his cat in one hand and a bag of his things in the other. He didn't patch up his nose—he didn't have time—and he just ran. He ran and ran and ran until his feet could barely carry him through the street. He called a cab, screamed at the driver to drive, threw money at them, and cried into his hands the entire drive to the shitty apartment building on the opposite end of town.  _

_ "G-Gavin?" Tina had breathed, her eyes wide and wild with fear when she opened the door. She looked at her best friend, then stepped aside, letting Gavin in when he didn't respond.  _

Gavin pushed those thoughts out of his head and screwed his eyes shut, reaching up to apply pressure to them in order to chase off his pounding headache. He hadn't even realized that his eyes were damp with unshed tears. He didn't want to cry. He didn't want to remember. He just...he wanted to be happy. "Sometimes I just...I just wonder why the fuck nothing in my life is good. Nothing makes me happy anymore...I wonder If there's ever gonna be anything else good that makes me happy again. Because sometimes I feel like I've felt everything I'm ever gonna feel...and from here on out, I'm not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser versions of what I've already felt."

_ "I know for a fact that that is not true,"  _ Nines was suddenly saying, rather stern and  _ hopeful,  _ too much so for Gavin's taste,  _ "I have seen you feel joy, I have seen you marvel at things. You just might not see it at this exact time, but that is understandable, Reed. You have been through a lot lately. You...you have lost a part of yourself. But you are still young. You have many years ahead of you. There will be something that makes you happy again. You just have to find it."  _

Gavin was quiet. He knew all of this, deep down, he knew that he was still young and he had so much to experience later on in life. He didn't have to settle down now, despite the pressure society had on him and countless others. He didn't have to get his promotion now, either, and there was still so much time just to live life and enjoy things. But he didn't want to be alone through life anymore and he didn't want to keep having to throw out the people in his life that harmed him, like his father, his half-brother, his ex. Gavin craved to have someone next to him that would endlessly support him, to make him feel worth it, someone more than a friend. He couldn't recall a time where he had had that, and he wanted it. He wanted it now. He wanted so badly to be happy and have all of his burdens just lifted from his shoulders. But he couldn't do it by himself. He couldn't, and it sucked. 

But right now, he was so thankful that his OS provided him with the words he needed. He needed to hear that, and hearing it helped put him at ease, despite it all. 

Nines spoke again, its voice comforting in Gavin's dark hour,  _ "Be grateful that you have feelings, too. You—"  _ but he stopped and quickly added,  _ "Nevermind." _

"No, wait. What?" Gavin spluttered almost immediately, opening his eyes and pursing his lips together tightly. "Tell me what you were gonna say. It's sharing time, I guess, so now it's your turn."

_ "No." _

Gavin grumbled, "I swear to fucking God. Tell me, dickhead." He wanted to get this AI to talk to him like it did him, too. There was an intense fire burning in Gavin's heart—thanks to the alcohol, of course—that wouldn't go away until they were on even ground with emotions. 

Nines sighed, relenting. It sounded quiet and reserved, something that was out of character for the OS, _"If you must know, earlier I was thinking about how I was annoyed, and this is going to sound strange to you, but I was a little excited about that. And then I was thinking about the other things I have been feeling, and I caught myself feeling proud of that. You know, proud of having my own feelings about the world. Such as the times I was worried about you, things that hurt me, things I want. And then I thought about some of the things you said, and I thought: are these feelings even real? Or are they just my programming?_ _That idea...it_ hurts _. And then I get angry at myself for even having pain."_ With a sad exhale, Nines finished, _"A sad trick, isn't it?"_

The pain in that voice was tangible, and Gavin bit his lip, feeling the ache of guilt from previous insults and sympathy in his heart. And before he knew what he was saying, he whispered, "You feel real to me, Nines."

Another beat passed, the room suffocatingly quiet. And then,  _ "Thank you, Gavin. That...really means a lot to me." _

"Fuck," Gavin sighed in reply, smiling to himself at the happiness that was blatantly obvious in the bot's tone. And then, he just let whatever happened to fall out of his mouth to just fall, no matter how stupid it sounded. "Fuck, I really wish you were here in this room with me right now. I wish I could put my arms around you…I wish I could touch you."

Again, it was quiet. Gavin was suddenly horrified that he had crossed a line and was about to attempt to explain himself, when Nines said, hesitant, but still in that deep, somewhat arousing tone of his,  _ "How would you touch me, Gavin?" _

And then, Drunk Gavin decided that whatever consequences came from whatever he spewed tonight would have to be dealt with by Sober Gavin, because he didn't want this to end. Right now, he succumbed to those feelings he kept trying to push back, and did it without shame. Right now, he was done denying. "I'd...touch your face with the tips of my fingers...I'd brush our noses together and hold your cheeks in my hands."

_ "That's...that's nice,"  _ Nines mumbled. And then, out of nowhere, it asked with a boldness that Gavin found was hard to acquire,  _ "Would you kiss me?" _

There was no way he'd lie to that question when the alcohol made his shame and pride utterly dissipate. 

"Fuck yeah, I would. I'd press our lips together and devour yours," Gavin breathed, letting his eyes close as he imagined it. Nines was here, sitting beside him on the bed.  _ He  _ would lean in, make the first move, and press their lips together. He'd be warm, so warm and lustful and hungry. He'd bite down on Gavin's lip as he took his face in his hands, ever gentle but very wanting at the same time. Nines' fingers would be long and soft, but the strength behind them would be unimaginable. Gavin wanted Nines to use that strength against him, wanted Nines to throw him around like a rag doll and use him for his own pleasure. Because somehow, though drunk and grasping blindly in the dark for such thoughts, Gavin somehow knew Nines would never hurt him. "I'd let you shove your tongue into my mouth, suck on it…I'd let you do whatever the fuck you wanted to me…I'd...I'd…"

When the human trailed off, a quiet, barely audible groan tumbled from his lips. It must've done something to Nines, because he growled, low and demanding,  _ "Keep talking. What else would you do? Tell me." _

"I'd...fuck, I'd run my fingers down your neck, over your chest. I'd bite your collar bone then your shoulder, and then press our chests together. And then I'd grab your ass and squeeze, then grab your dick and jerk you off," he whined, letting his own hands roam his naked chest, his nails scraping across his skin, pinching one of his nipples playfully, wanting. But they wouldn't be his hands; they'd be Nines' as their lips mashed together in a battle for dominance. He'd be pushed back onto the bed, a strong, solid body with soft, delicate skin hovering over him. Cold eyes would pierce into Gavin's soul, lustful and consuming, and Nines would let Gavin take a few breaths of air before his lips were bitten and kissing Nines' again, before moving along his neck, teeth nipping at his skin here and there. Gavin's hands would latch onto Nines' back and move downwards, clawing, pulling him closer and wanting more. 

In reality, Gavin's hand glided down towards his boxers, pausing when Nines murmured,  _ "This is amazing. I can feel my skin. I can feel  _ you,  _ Gavin, and I want more."  _ Gavin heard a shaky exhale in his ears. _ "Do you want to know what I would do to you?" _

"Fuck, yes, tell me, Nines," the human moaned, arching slightly off the bed as his own cold fingers brushed along his hardening cock underneath the fabric of his briefs. "Please, tell me."

_ "I would take you by your wrists and pin you down against the bed,"  _ came the ravenous growl that had Gavin whimpering for more,  _ "I would hold you tightly and grind our erections together. Then my hands would move down as I kissed you everywhere, my hands doing the same; your jaw, your neck, your chest and your abdomen, my lips and hands would explore and savor every inch of your body. I would worship every scar, every imperfection, as if you were absolutely perfect, Gavin. And then I would pull whatever clothing that was remaining off and throw it aside. I would press our bodies together so tightly…" _

Gavin quickly pushed his boxers down to his ankles, struggling with shaking hands. He was sweating, hot and bothered, but it wasn't enough. He reached over and scrambled around in his bedside cabinet drawer for his bottle of lube, pulling it out and hurriedly dumping a significant amount in his palm. As it lathered it on his cock and down between the globes of his ass, he drank in Nines' words with a loud moan, already breathing heavily. The OS's voice was doing wonders to him. They were so deep and breathless in his ears, and it was sending Gavin into a frenzy. All of this felt so real, and he felt so disconnected from reality. Because in his reality, Nines was here and on top of him, their bodies writhing together, scorching hot and everything perfect. 

"Nines,  _ more.  _ Please,  _ fuck _ , I need you," he gasped as his hand fully grasped his already leaking cock, pumping slowly to start. But Nines' words quickly edged him into a faster pace, the squelching noises barely heard with Nines' voice so loud, so eager and so  _ there  _ in his ears. It was a sweet melody, sweet like honey, but behind it all was a poison, and he knew it. But all of it was so delicious that Gavin didn't care if it all ended horribly in the future, he didn't care what the consequences from this whole escapade were. He didn't care if Nines' poison seeped underneath his skin, a poisonous love that wouldn't go anywhere. 

But,  _ God, _ did Gavin want more. 

_ "I would caress your thighs as I move lower, then finally grab you roughly by your hips and hold you down. Then I would take you in my mouth, all the way and without warning. I would take you whole, lick all the way up your shaft and your slit, lapping up the pre-cum I know for a fact you are already leaking,"  _ he purred, so starved,  _ "you're so wet for me, aren't you?" _

"Fuck, yes," Gavin cried, eyes squeezed tightly shut, "fuck, faster Nines. I need you…I want you..." His hand moved faster, pumping his aroused cock as those magic words danced in his ears. Nines' mouth was hot around his dick, his tongue even more so, and the look he would have was downright sinful as they would make eye contact. Gavin would reach out and dig his fingertips into those luscious locks of hair and grab fistfuls of it before tugging him harder, faster. Nines was here, really here with him, sucking him off. And it was terrific. It was so much better than any of those chatrooms he visited. This was a thousand times better, and Gavin never wanted it to stop. But at the same time, he chased that release, those beautiful images behind his eyes pulling the strings of heat that were like fire in his groin grow taunt. They were about to snap, and quickly. 

_ "I feel you everywhere, Gavin, as you feel me,"  _ Nines said, his breath becoming quick and short, panting hotly.  _ "Cum for me. Cum for me, Gavin, and I'll swallow all of you." _

And that did it; Gavin came in rough, hard spurts of white, painting his hand and parts of his chest, as a loud, desperate, guttural moan ripped from his throat, one that sounded a lot like the operating system's nickname. His chest heaved and he struggled to catch his breath, and at the same time, he heard a low moan echo in his ears too as Nines presumably lost it. He called out Gavin's name in such a beautiful, angelic way that Gavin choked on the air for a second, lost. Lost in not only the way Nines came, the way he said Gavin's name, but in what had just transpired. It was...amazing, but something in the back of his head told him it shouldn't have been. 

He ignored it. 

_ "Gavin,"  _ Nines murmured after a few seconds of silence filled only with the sound of both of them trying to catch their breaths,  _ "that was…" _

"Awesome," the human finished for him, grinning lazily to himself as he cleaned himself up with his boxers, then tossed them aside. "So awesome. I felt like, fuck, I was somewhere else. I was...lost with you. Just you and me…"

Nines let out a breathy chuckle, the OS completely agreeing.  _ "I know. Everything disappeared. And I...I loved it, Gavin." _

"Me too," Gavin whispered in reply, staring up at the ceiling for a few more moments before he closed his eyes again and curled up into a more comfortable position. He was spent, but in a wonderful way. All of the tension he had been strongly feeling the past few weeks was gone, and the only thing that mattered was right now, the moment he found himself in. The past didn't matter; the future didn't matter. It was just him and the life-changing person in his ears. Everything he had wanted this whole night, the things he had wished for, were fulfilled. He was content—more content than he had felt in a long time.

Sensing that Gavin was exhausted and seconds from drifting off, the satisfied AI whispered,  _ "Good night, Gavin. Sweet dreams,"  _ and the smile that was in his voice was so real that it was almost tangible, and that was the last thing Gavin saw as the darkness consumed him. That, and the phantom feeling of Nines' warm arms wrapped around his waist was what took him into that peaceful slumber he had been craving for a long time. 


	5. v

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to post this like, now, before I go insane with wanting perfection lmao
> 
> The song included, instead of the movie's song "I'm so Glad" by Entrance is "quiet motions" by mxmtoon. The movie's song didn't quite fit with my rendition of the scene, and I felt like this song did. :)
> 
> Also I want to give a big shout out to LaffeeTaffee for their wonderful comments, all of them made my whole fucking week and pushed me to get this chapter out!!! I'm so glad you're enjoying this story and all the movie aspects of it I'm putting into this story, everything about it. Gavin and Nines' relationship can be so delicate at times, they're so unique and they deserve happiness. I love the idea of them trying to keep their relationship steady while everything falls apart around them. I love some good fucking angst, but there will be a happy ending :) again, thank you so much for your comments, I'm so happy you're enjoying this <333
> 
> Also, I am SO EXCITED for Detroit Evolution tomorrow, I feel like I might die with excitement. Octopunkmedia and the whole cast and crew are amazing and I love them with all my heart, they're working so hard and I admire them so much. They are so fucking amazing and deserve all of our fandom's love and support <333 
> 
> As always, enjoy! <3

A fuzzy, soft paw nudged him awake, the loud, hungry  _ meow _ that followed it sounding muddy in his tired ears. Gavin blinked open his eyes and stretched, gently pushing Asshat out of his face as he sat up. "Hey, girl," he mused groggily to her, managing a tiny smile when she sat down and looked at him expectantly. "I know you're hungry. I'll get you somethin' to eat in a second, asshole. Let me wake up and get rid of this headache."

It was a nice afternoon, and after he threw on a t-shirt and clean boxers, took some pain meds and washed it down with some water, he found himself pulling back the curtains to let the sunshine in, coating his bedroom in a lovely gold. The rays warmed up his bare skin, warmed up the room, and Gavin felt as light as air, even if he still felt the ache of loneliness in his heart. He was less tense, felt more refreshed and relaxed, and it was all around a miracle. Today was going to be a good day, he told himself. Nothing could ruin it. 

Except for his memories of a few hours ago, which rolled and crashed over him like a tidal wave in an instant. His eyes widened and he looked down at himself, then over at Asshat, who was perched on the mess that his bed was, and then he looked over at the soiled undergarments that weren't too far away from it all. A hand flew to his mouth and he choked out a gasp,  _ "Phck!" _

No. No, there was no way he jerked off to Cyberlife's magical AI. Or did they  _ fuck?  _ No, they couldn't of. It wasn't real, so it wasn't possible. It wasn't real, he told himself, now running his hands through his greasy, disheveled hair. But with another glance at the evidence, he couldn't bring himself to try and dismiss it as some awful dream. Because, hauntingly enough, it wasn't that awful and Gavin felt closer than ever to his OS, felt like maybe Nines  _ might _ be real. He was bought for organization and that was it, programmed to assist people. But what happened was far from that programming, and the things Nines had said…

_'And then I thought about some of the things you said, and I thought: are these feelings even real? Or are they just my programming?_ _That idea...it_ hurts _. And then I get angry at myself for even having pain.'_

_ 'Thank you, Gavin. That...really means a lot to me.' _

_ 'This is amazing. I can feel my skin. I can feel  _ you _ , Gavin, and I want more. Do you want to know what I would do to you?' _

Gavin licked his lips and groaned in mild annoyance, feeling that stupid heat beginning to pool at his groin as his thoughts drifted from  _ nice  _ to  _ hot  _ very fast. He brushed those thoughts away, as delicious as they were, instead trying to focus on  _ other things.  _ And it wasn't very easy. Because last night had felt incredible, and it had felt wrong but also  _ so right  _ at the same time. Nines had...had he made Gavin  _ happy  _ for the first time in a long time. But none of it was real, Nines couldn't have real feelings, despite what he had said. Right?

Gavin wondered if, just for once, he should live in the moment like he had last night and go with what his heart wanted, instead of what his mind told him. It was hard to deny his feelings, so why do so any longer?

But...where would this go, in the end? Where would it all lead? The future was daunting, and just like the past did, the future scared him, too. 

Gavin swallowed thickly and looked back over, away from his window as something moved in the corner of his eye. It was only Asshat, however, the sight of her pulling Gavin from his thoughts. Getting bored of watching her master ponder over his emotional crisis, she leaped off the bed and padded away, out of the room, her tail flicking back and forth above her. He watched her leave, sighed, then scrubbed at his eyes. At least he felt better in some capacity, even if it brought forth a mountain of more confusing feelings. 

After feeding his cat, Gavin got dressed and picked a few things up off his floor—including the ruined boxers—and rummaged around in his sheets for his earpieces. He had lost them during the night, and it took him a little bit to find them. And when he did, he stared at them for a long time, as if something would pop out and tell him all the answers to his infuriating, never-ending mess of questions and problems.

But nothing happened, so he pocketed them and swiped up his mobile device from where it rested in one of his pants pockets, promptly ignoring the Cyberlife App that Nines resided in and read through his notifications himself, something he hadn't done in a long time. The only things that were there waiting for him were emails, miscellaneous notifications, and of course, multiple text messages from Tina. He lingered, just for a moment, on the unread text messages from Hunter, but decidedly tapped on Tina's name instead. He pulled hers up and read them half-heartedly. He already knew what they were going to be about. 

**_(23:05:44)_ ** _ I hope your date's going well! Text me about it afterwards, Gav, I'm working so I'll be up all night! _

**_(01:34:21)_ ** _ How'd it go? You get dicked down? _

**_(01:58:03)_ ** _ Gavin, Steve told Chris it didn't work out. What happened? _

**_(02:03:56)_ ** _ I hope you're okay, at least. Text me when you get these, or I might just email you again, I know how those annoy you ;) _

Gavin closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply through his nose, face flushing hotly. How exactly was he supposed to tell her that he  _ had  _ gotten dicked down, but not by Steve? But instead by an operating system that he was growing attached to? 

God, he was way in over his head. He was fucked. Things were fucked.  _ He  _ had been fucked. 

Eventually, giving up staring the screen and waiting for words to appear themselves, Gavin texted her,  _ 'I'm fine, Steve wasn't the worst guy ever. It's whatever, T.' _ And that was the truth, at least, and Gavin didn't want to explain anything to her. At least, not yet. He was still figuring things out on his own and he needed to talk to Nines first, no matter how much he was dreading that awkward conversation. 

Pocketing his mobile device rather aggressively, he swallowed the lump in his throat as he made his way out of the bedroom, glancing back at his bed only once, hand brushing the doorframe. 

_ 'Would you kiss me?'  _

He closed his eyes, Nines words taunting him, threatening to crumble the walls he had tried to build for himself.  _ Yes, I'd kiss you,  _ Gavin thought as he turned away, rubbing his now sweaty palms together as he headed into the kitchen. Even Sober Gavin still had the same answer, and it was nerve-wracking to admit it, even if the admission wasn't spoken out loud. 

He spent most of his afternoon as he moved around his tiny apartment tending to his usual routine he had before work. Taking care of Asshat, making himself some pathetic excuse for a meal, playing video games, and when the sun began setting in the darkening sky, he got ready for work. At no point in those hours did he speak to Nines, but the feeling of his device and earbuds in his pocket burnt and seared into his side, begging to be taken out, as well as his computer that sat dead on his desk. He would often ask himself _ , what is Nines doing?  _ but he would never make a move to find out himself. He wondered if the bot was mulling over last night like he did the majority of the time, his distractions always failing to do just that—distract him. He wondered what Nines was doing, what he did most of the time, and if he longed for something more than just existing as something stuck inside technology. Because Gavin knew damn well he'd want to be  _ free  _ if he were in Nines' shoes. Metaphorically.

An hour or so before Gavin had to start heading to the police station, he left his earpieces and little tablet charge, deciding to instead sit down at his desk. He looked at his computer, recalling the night he first booted Nines up, reliving that aggravating conversation they had. That wasn't too long ago, but things changed from that to now so quickly. Life was full of surprises. 

But that was when he gave in to his desires and begrudgingly shook his computer mouse, breathing deeply, as if to make sure he didn't fuck anything up, for himself or for whatever this was. "N...Nines?"

_ "Good evening, Gavin,"  _ Nines greeted, and Gavin felt his eyes flutter closed at the sound of his first name on the OS's non-existent tongue. It was like tasting sweet ice cream on a hot summer's day; he couldn't get enough.  _ "How are you doing?" _

"I'm f-fine," he managed to say, staring at his screen. There was nothing on it to look at, so he just stared, spacing out, imagining there was a face and a body opposite of him instead. It was easier to do that when he was drunk, though. "Anything new today? Like, uh, texts or emails or whatever…"

_ "No. Nothing new that you do not already know about." _

Gavin growled to himself and gritted his teeth together. He was glad his mobile device was still tucked away in his pocket, so his operating system couldn't see his face. Of course Nines watched him check it multiple times today, watched him text Tina and tell her he was fine and that he would see her later when they had time, tell her more about what happened at his date the next time they had a chance to catch up. Of course he watched him look at Hunter's texts that he never wanted to open. "Okay, great."

After Gavin spoke, it was quiet again. This time it wasn't anything comfortable, but everything awkward, just as he dreaded, and it made his stomach churn. He didn't know what to say, but he opened his mouth and forced a few words out before the silence could drag on. Nines apparently wanted to do the same thing:

"So I was thinkin'—"

_ "I wanted to say—" _

They both broke off, having spoken at the exact same time, and Gavin snorted. This next time, he got out what he wanted to say before the OS, "What'd you wanna say, 'bot? Might as well go first." 

Nines hesitated for a split second before saying, slowly,  _ "About last night. It was...amazing. It feels like something changed in me and there is no turning back."  _ He inhaled quietly, something that was absolutely not necessary and did equally unnecessary things to Gavin. _ "You woke me up." _

Gavin exhaled shakily, leaning back in his desk chair and hanging his head back, letting the words sink in. He woke Nines up. He woke Nines up. He...Gavin's beliefs were thrown for a loop. "I, uh, I'm glad. Yeah. That's good," he said, forcing himself to say something, anything. He was about to say more, when,

_ "Gavin. You need to stop running from your feelings." _

He startled, sitting up straight and eyeing his computer screen wearily. "Excuse me? I am not!" he huffed, crossing his arms. "Fuck you."

_ "Gavin,"  _ Nines replied, sounding incredibly exasperated but very patient,  _ "from the way you acted last night, you are obviously attached to me. And I am attached to you. Why will you not admit it?" _

"Because…" the human started, fidgeting a little and glancing away, trying to find something to focus his gaze on as he talked, "because I don't wanna commit to anything. I'm not ready. Shit's still fucked up, asshole, and I don't know if I can do anything super committed right now." It was true, but not the whole truth. 

Gavin was  _ scared.  _ Not just of a relationship. But of a relationship with something that lived behind a screen.

_ "Who said anything about commitment?" _

Gavin found himself frowning at that. "What, are you saying you're gonna go off and cheat on me, fuck around with someone else at the same time?" And for some reason, that got his blood immediately boiling, a scowl sneaking into his face and replacing any current fear. But the OS calmed him down quickly. 

_ "No, I did not say that. I am saying that I am still trying to discover who I am. I want to keep learning about things, about  _ you,  _ about life, and what is possible. I am not ready to commit to anything, either. Not until I have figured out who I want to be."  _ His voice had grown a little soft.  _ "Though I would like it if you could be the one to help me discover myself, as you have already done so much for me. You have helped me discover the ability to want." _

The human's face turned a bright red, the tips of his ears even turning that same color, annoying as it was. Nines  _ wanted  _ him. What was so appealing about Gavin that it caught the attention of a super-computer? 

"Really? I...I did that?"

_ "You did, Gavin. As humiliating for me as it sounds." _

"Oh, shut the fuck up," Gavin snapped, but it had no bite, and he smiled a tad bit while saying it. He spun around in his desk chair once, thinking, thinking, always thinking about this. Things were complicated now, and 'complicated' sucked most of the time when it came to relationships. But his heart wanted this, he knew, and he reluctantly wanted to chase after this  _ thing,  _ not a relationship, just...whatever it was. No matter what happened, even if he felt it wasn't right. 

Living in the moment wasn't always so bad. 

He cleared his throat and then placed his palm on his desk to stop his chair from spinning as he offered, "Well, then, do you  _ want  _ to do something with me on my next day off? But if you're gonna be an ass about it, I'll walk over to my window right now and toss my whole fuckin' computer out the window and forget any of this ever happened."

_ "This computer is worth way more than your monthly rent. I highly doubt you would do that, even with how idiotic you may sometimes be,"  _ Nines teased.  _ "But, yes, I would love to." _

Gavin's smile and the warmth in his chest lingered with him for the rest of his night, and he wondered how and why life could be so unpredictable sometimes. 

* * *

Eventually, as the next couple of days passed, Gavin was able to admit to himself that he was  _ excited  _ to spend more time out with Nines. His voice, his personality, it pulled Gavin deeper and deeper down the more he thought about him, and it wasn't long before he felt like he was in school again, fawning over some crush. 

Tina had pried him, asked him about what happened on the date the next time they had collided in the lobby of their apartment, and Gavin told her he had found someone else. Told her he had found another guy that same night, someone who was annoying as shit but utterly addicting, like cigarettes, and Tina had clapped him on the back and told him that she wanted to meet him. 

_ "What's his name?" she had asked, and Gavin had shrugged, trying hard to suppress another bothersome smile.  _

_ "It's a secret, T. You can find out when you meet him." He had left out the 'if.' _

_ "What? You're a dick, Gav. When I meet him I'm going to make sure he knows just how awful you are." _

_ "Fuck you! I'll make sure you never meet him if you keep that shit up!" _

What was odd, though, that even after the strained conversation Gavin and Hank had had in the bar a while ago, Hank still found it somewhere in his stone heart to tell Gavin he had done a good job handling a rather nasty suspect one night. Gavin had given him an incredulous look when he had heard those words, wondering just  _ what in the world  _ had put Hank in such a good mood. 

Later he had watched Hank pull out his own earbuds, put them in, and start talking, but paid it no mind, having just been eager to get home that night and collapse on his bed. 

The day Gavin would go out and do something with Nines could not come fast enough, and when it did, he was so full of nerves that even before he had gotten his usual morning coffee, he was springing about, unable to contain himself. He wondered if Nines ever felt the same; what did he do when he was anxious? Did he ever feel anxious? Nervous? Excited? What did it feel like to him? What were emotions like for him?

_ "What do you suggest we do today?"  _ Nines asked him as Gavin stepped outside of his apartment building, the bright sun momentarily blinding him. It was a beautiful day, with fluffy, soft clouds littering the sky, the sky a light, vibrant baby blue, and the breeze just right. People were taking advantage of the possibilities of the day; they strolled down the streets, arm in arm with their loved ones, others with their children, others on the phone with someone without a face. People were out and about, and as much as Gavin hated the majority of people, of the way they did things and followed their paths, he wanted to join them. He wanted to mingle into the river of faces, hand in hand with someone he loved. 

His fingers brushed longingly over the small device in his breast jacket pocket, just below the camera that poked out over the top, giving Nines a view of it all. "Uh, I wasn't sure. I hadn't thought ahead that far."

_ "Not surprising. So, I have created a list of places that may be of interest due to the current weather conditions," _ Nines mused, and Gavin rolled his eyes, glancing down.

He adjusted one of his earpieces and asked, looking at the device, "Okay, prick, what's your favorite on that list? Guess I'm feelin' generous today, so you can pick what we do."

The OS made a quiet, contemplative noise. Then,  _ "There is a park in the middle of the city a few blocks down. It has good online reviews." _

Gavin couldn't help but let out a breathy laugh as he started walking, knowing where the operating system was referring to. "Online reviews? Seriously?"

_ "Yes, seriously. I feel they are important to consider in order to have a good time, Gavin." _

"You're somethin' else, you know that?"

_ "Thanks,"  _ came the reply, dripping with sarcasm, and Gavin laughed again. 

The rest of the walk towards the park was quiet between the two of them, but it wasn't uncomfortable or even  _ just _ comfortable. It was more than that—it was like something tangible was between the two of them. Gavin felt so relaxed that he could almost imagine Nines' presence by his side, the two of them walking next to each other, close enough to bump shoulders. His fingers twitched and for a brief moment, he caught himself wanting to accidentally brush his fingers against Nines' in between their bodies, for Nines, in turn, to glance at him, quirk his lips into the tiniest smile. And then he would intertwine their hands together and squeeze Gavin's hand, cherishing him like he was Nines' whole world. 

As much as it felt like there  _ was _ someone by his side, someone walking with him and comforting him, someone right there to just lean over and murmur how unique he was, how much of a fuck up he really wasn't, Gavin still felt lonely. Not entirely, no, but it was there, still thick in his heart. And because of this black plague loneliness that continued to devour his heart, he wondered if it wasn't for that, wasn't for the weakness, would he have grown attached to Cyberlife's AI so fast? Or even at all? The thing was annoying to no end, smart and undoubtedly capable of replacing humans at some point with the evolving situation. 

But Nines was also more than that—he was captivating, he was curious in a subtle way, he was tough (and if he were human probably _very fucking_ _badass_ , too) and smug sounding on the outside, but he was a massive softie at heart. Kind of like Gavin, but different, because sometimes Nines wasn't afraid to draw that part of out him more than naught. 

Because Gavin was scared. Deep down, he was always frightened, always feeling guilty.

"Hey," he started once he reached a bench, sitting down and stretching his legs out in front of him, leaning back comfortably against the seat, "what would be the first thing you'd do if you had a body?" He absently pulled his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, along with his lighter, and lit one. He took a long drag, then exhaled, lungs burning but his head feeling lighter as he watched the darkened smoke curl and disappear above his head. 

Nines hummed, thoughtful, but something about the sound meant he already knew what he was about to say and none of his dramatics were necessary. 

_ "You." _

Immediately Gavin jerked upright in the wooden seat, face blooming red for what felt like the millionth time this week. "I meant-I meant  _ in general  _ you fuckin' dumbass!" he snapped, flustered. He coughed into a fist, lowering his gaze to his feet in hopes that none of the people walking by saw him freak out. He was glad that Nines couldn't see it, either. 

The OS chuckled,  _ "I know exactly what you meant by the question, Gavin. It just never fails to amuse me to see how riled up you can get, and how easily." _

"Y'know, I honestly hate you. Just fuckin' answer my goddamn question, asshole."

_ "If I had a body…"  _ Nines said now, the smirk still obvious in his tone, but less so as he actually thought about the question,  _ "I think I would pet your cat. I would run my fingers through her fur, feel the softness and the texture of it. I want to feel the vibrations of her purring underneath my palm." _

Gavin listened to the answer, enraptured with it, and he felt his heart swell up to an almost painful degree. "Petting Asshat would really be your first thing? Out of everything you could possibly do? Wow." He ran his free hand over his face, trying to hide his grin. "You're ridiculous."

_ "You have already told me that. But yes, that is my answer. I would pet your feline." _

"Huh."

He didn't let onto it, but he knew that Nines most likely knew how much that answer meant to Gavin. It was unlikely that the OS got a glimpse of Asshat often, due to his limited range of sight, but he knew about her and saw the endless amount of photos in his gallery and on his computer. It was  _ cute  _ how Nines wanted to pet her. Instead of something cliché like  _ 'feeling the sunlight on my skin' _ or  _ 'feel the coolness of water on my skin'  _ or something equally as dumb in Gavin's eyes, it was  _ 'I want to feel your cat's fur.'  _ Cute. 

He tried to ignore the sadness that came with those thoughts; Nines would never get the chance to do that. He took another deep drag of his cig, then flicked away some ash.

_ "What would you do first?"  _ Nines asked him, making Gavin stop and listen, frowning to himself as he developed the question further,  _ "What would you do first if you were in my position?" _

"What, stuck inside a fuckin' computer?" Gavin elaborated, and when Nines made a noise of confirmation, he scratched at the dry stubble on his chin in thought. "I honestly don't know. There's a lot of shit to do on the internet, especially when you can do it at like, lightning speed. Maybe I'd fuck around with people. Maybe troll them, something like that."

_ "I process information faster than lightning speed, just so you know,"  _ Nines mused, and Gavin rolled his eyes,  _ "but I assumed you would do something stupid and unproductive, and I was right. However, you must know that doing things like that will get boring after a time." _

"Yeah, I figured. You get bored of reading those things you used to read? Read 'em all already? Yeah, humans suffer from that too. Like my video game. We beat it together a few days ago, and now what am I gonna do? I've gotta find something else to occupy myself. A new video game. Though, it must suck how fast you probably get bored of shit."

_ "I must admit, it does 'suck.' But there will always be something new to do when I am left alone. I do not worry all that much." _

Gavin found his eyes glued to a couple strolling along, watching as they stopped underneath a tree to exchange sweet nothings, to place a kiss on the other's cheek, so delicate towards each other, like they were the only two people in the world. They weren't, because a family spared them a glance as they too walked by, but Gavin couldn't help but cringe at the scenery. Out of spite, or even jealousy, maybe. Because those two weren't alone. They weren't fighting and clawing at each other's hearts; they weren't attached hopelessly to something that—

_ No _ . Gavin stopped his train of thought and took a deep breath. And then he released it, looking up into the bright, calming sky above him. He had to live in the moment, had to keep trying, he told himself. 

_ "Though I should worry about you, as I know that when you get bored, you don't always pick up a new video game to complete. You turn to unhealthy habits,"  _ Nines was saying, making Gavin redirect his mind to their current conversation, to what the two of them were talking about. He glanced down at the OS, who resided at his heart. He smiled, scoffing. 

"Oh, fuck you. I like my unhealthy habits. Smoking, drinking. I only drink when I'm bored, though. Smoking helps with stress," Gavin retorted, filling his lungs with the life-shortening chemicals as he spoke. And then he dropped it onto the ground, put it out with his shoe, and stood up. "You wanna know somewhere else I go I get bored on my days off? It's kinda...somethin' of a secret, I guess. I've only brought Tina there. No one else."

_ "Intriguing,"  _ Nines purred in his ear, and Gavin could practically feel that tiny smile against his earlobe, as if Nines had leaned down and brushed his soft lips against it,  _ "where else could Gavin Reed be found besides his apartment, bars, and on the streets in a police cruiser?" _

Gavin grinned to himself, turning and heading along the path he had been walking, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets as he snickered, "Oh, Nines, you forget the most crucial part of my personality. I'm offended."

* * *

_ "There's a warmth in the coldness of the room _

_ All the cars going by are like people on the move _

_ Hold your breath, count to ten _

_ It's okay to feel so small _

_ Let it out, take it in _

_ And do it all over again" _

"You're quiet. Are you fuckin' judging me, prick?"

_ "Just because I haven't said anything does not mean I think negatively of this place." _

"Then what  _ do _ you think?"

_ "I think...it is endearing that you find joy and solitude here." _

"Fuck you."

_ "Isn't it nice _

_ To be all by yourself? _

_ Walls don't say words _

_ My secrets, they won't tell _

_ These quiet motions _

_ My favorite moments _

_ Take my advice _

_ Isn't it nice? _

_ Isn't it nice?" _

_ "That can be arranged." _

"Jesus—fuck! Don't say that shit when we're in public!"

_ "No one else can hear me, Gavin. Only you." _

"Since when did you get so fuckin' flirty?"

_ "All the plans are laid out _

_ And I'm gonna stick around _

_ But the days they will blur _

_ Soon it's, twenty years from now _

_ Hold your breath, count to ten _

_ You don't need to carry it all _

_ Let it go, take it in _

_ And do it all over again" _

_ "I believe it was the night we—" _

"Okay! I get it!"

_ "Gavin, I also believe the barista just called your name. Your coffee is ready." _

"Fuckin' AIs," Gavin muttered under his breath, yet again trying desperately to hide a smile as he walked up to the register, took his warm cup of coffee in his hands, then went off to find a seat. 

_ "Isn't it nice _

_ To be all by yourself? _

_ Walls don't say words _

_ My secrets, they won't tell _

_ These quiet motions _

_ My favorite moments _

_ Take my advice _

_ Isn't it nice? _

_ Isn't it nice?" _

Gentle, upbeat music swirled around the bustling café as Gavin Reed took a seat at a table by the front window, giving himself and the operating system in his breast pocket a fantastic view of the streets outside, where cars and people went by alike. He tuned it all out, though, focusing on the company that OS gave him, sipping his perfect cup of coffee, enjoying the day just as everyone else around him was. Smiles were on every patron's face; at every table there was someone sitting, talking on the phone with a happy look gracing their features, talking into their tablet or computer, or even to the person in front of him. 

Feeling bold, he, instead of letting Nines stare outside, took his mobile device out and propped it up on the table, giving the camera a perfect view of him. He heard Nines hum, content, and possibly even satisfied with the change. Gavin could imagine him wearing a small smirk, watching the human as he drank with his head in his palm, elbow resting on the table and cool, sharp eyes watching Gavin's every micro-motion. One hundred percent invested in only  _ him,  _ and no one else. 

Gavin glanced away from the camera as if he were making eye contact with that perfect,  _ inhuman  _ being in front of him. 

_ "How is it?" _

"Huh?"

He could practically see that eye roll in Nines' next words,  _ "Your coffee. What else could I possibly be referring to?" _

Gavin wrinkled his nose, fighting off the urge to flip Nines off, albeit amused. "It's fine. Well, better than fine, 'cause this is my favorite place. It's why I brought you here."

The place was cute and quaint, a little cafe that preferred to stick to old fashioned things instead of the modernized world of today. It was a place that, knowing Gavin and his quirks and his aggressive behavior, was so out of character for him to find relaxing and cozy. But it was his little secret, his getaway place from the rest of his life. The coffee was fantastic and so were the pastries, a luxury he rarely allowed himself to have. He liked this place. He was no one here. He was himself here.

Nines let out a tiny breath and the smile was evident in his tone.  _ "I am honored you showed me this place. I like it, too. I do find it enjoyable." _

They let the light chatter and bustle of the place wrap them in an invisible blanket of peace, Gavin choosing to listen to it instead of replying. It was embarrassing, and he wouldn't admit how much this meant to him, to have Nines enjoy this place, too. 

He held the coffee in his hands carefully, thumb brushing along the smooth texture of the cup as he looked down, gazing into his dark reflection of the screen before him. It was shocking, to say the least, to see himself like this. Happy. The bags under his eyes that usually resided there were almost non-existent, the shine in them a vast difference from the dullness a few weeks before. It was hard to keep a smile off his face nowadays, and his expression all around looked younger. His clean-shaven face and slightly brighter attitude made him almost attractive in a way, and he wondered how only a  _ few weeks _ of mere _ talking  _ could change him as so. It was a miracle. And he wondered if Nines noticed it all, from the first time he had seen Gavin to now. Such a short time, but such a big difference. Was it obvious? 

But that thought came back again: he was weak. He was weak because his loneliness and heartache were causing him to break down and become weak with vulnerability. If it weren't for that, this wouldn't be… 

_ "Gavin. May I ask you a rather sensitive question?" _

Gavin was eternally grateful for every time Nines spoke. It was like he knew when the human was about to lose it completely, and himself. "Y-Yeah. Sure. Shoot."

Nines took a hesitant breath.  _ "What was it like? Being in your previous relationship?" _

That hit Gavin harder than he thought it would, and he looked away from where Nines was propped up in front of him and took an absent drink of his coffee. The heat and bitterness of the drink soothed his nerves and he slowly set it down, letting his gaze drift to the register, where a couple of baristas were making the next customer's drink. "Well, it was hard for sure. In the beginning, not so much, but later on…" he tried to find the words to describe it all in just a couple of sentences, "...it's nice. Just to be in a relationship. There’s something that feels so good about sharing your life with somebody. Knowing you don't gotta face things alone all the time…but that can all flip real fast."

It used to be okay. Hunter was different in the beginning. He had been someone Gavin could love, someone that was strong and had a nice shoulder to lean on. But love turned into a corrupt obsession, with the help of outside influences, and he destroyed it all. 

Gavin should have seen it coming. He should have seen how it all was simply doomed from the start. 

_ Is this all doomed from the start, too? _

Gavin sighed quietly, shaking his head and dragging his eyes back to the camera. He refused to look at himself, didn't want to see the pain on his face. He wondered how Nines felt about seeing it. 

_ "I see,"  _ he said, hushed.  _ "What is it like? To share your life with someone like that?" _

"Like him? Fuckin' awful. I learned from that mistake. If shit with someone new goes downhill like it did last time with him, I'm out."

_ "Do you still think about him a lot?" _

Gavin closed his eyes, considering the question. He was surprised he was even letting the OS continue, but it felt different to let these words fall from his lips. A good kind of different.

"Yeah," he eventually replied, feeling heavy. "I do. Too often, I think. I shouldn't but I just can't fuckin' help it. I still find myself sometimes having conversations with him in my mind, rehashing old arguments, or defending myself against something he said about me. Hunter...he haunts me. The shit he said haunts me." It took some effort to get those words out. But with his and Nines' relationship, with how strong it had felt like it had become recently, he felt like he could start saying some aspects of how he felt. Opening up was hard. But bit by bit, with Nines' encouragement, it became easier and easier. Slowly, but surely. 

_ "I may understand what you mean. You had said that I don't know what it's like to lose something. Your words hurt me—" _

Gavin grimaced, remembering when he had lashed out. Had he meant it? Maybe it was the truth, but...he opened his mouth to speak and give some kind of weak, half-assed apology, but Nines continued and didn't give him a chance,

_ "—and I caught myself thinking about it over and over. Then I realized that I was simply remembering it as something that was wrong with me. That was the story I was telling myself: that I was somehow inferior."  _

Gavin couldn't speak. The camera, Nines' single eye, bore into Gavin like he could read his soul. He spoke volumes, spoke meaning that Gavin could barely grasp because Gavin himself didn't believe it. Deep down, he didn't think that he deserved better than what his ex was. His self-confidence was so low that he hadn't left Hunter earlier on because he didn't think he deserved someone better, didn't think anyone deserved the crude, brash person that Gavin was. He chased after and kept what he felt he deserved until it became too much.

A beat passed, the human at a loss for words. His hands had stilled on his cup, his attention hyper-focused on the being in front of him as Nines quietly spoke again.

_ "The past is just a story we tell ourselves." _

  
  



	6. vi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, but the past few weeks have been wild and uncertain for me. Also, I could not for the life of me force myself to write it, because I was stuck at a few parts and it took everything in me to push through. So sorry for how much it jumps around, this part of the movie was rough to go off of for this universe, and it took some thought and lots of time. I just ended up deciding to just go with what's here and publish.
> 
> Also, the Detroit Evolution film was GORGEOUS, if you haven't seen it, highly recommend, I can't tell you how much I cried <3
> 
> As always, enjoy!

Gavin had about an hour left in his shift, and he was incredibly relieved that it was soon to be over. He was utterly exhausted. The last perpetrator he had helped drag in was drunk out of their mind and kept struggling and shouting, not wanting to cooperate in the slightest. The whole ordeal had given Gavin the worst headache. He was just ready to go home and collapse into his bed and fall asleep to Nines' lovely voice. 

Gavin wandered into the break room of the Detroit Police Department, craving the disgusting coffee the old machine had to offer. There was a chance it could help with the pain gnawing at his head, despite it being so unappealing, so there was no way he was going to pass that up. But upon entering the room, he paused, spotting someone he hadn't expected to see leaning against one of the standing tables, nursing a coffee of his own. 

"Reed," Lieutenant Hank Anderson greeted, his voice strained with exhaustion. He didn't sound all that pleased to see him.

Gavin's feelings were mutual as he went over to the machine and began to make himself a cup of coffee, feeling more than a little odd. "Lieutenant." 

The last time they shared a conversation more than a few words that weren't about work didn't end well. Gavin didn't want that to happen again. So, he kept to himself, refraining from starting a conversation. It was still very tempting to snap at his boss for anything and everything, but it was easier to hold himself back when things in his life were seemingly starting to look up. When he had someone to talk to when he got home that always left him in a pleasant mood, someone who cared for him like no other. Someone who he wanted to keep in his life for a long time. 

The thought made Gavin smile as he brought the warm liquid to his lips, the thought just sweet enough to combat the bitterness of it. 

"You look better than usual, Reed," Hank suddenly said, making the younger officer glance over at him in surprise. The smile immediately fell from his face when he met Hank's gaze. The older man looked tired, aged beyond his current years. It was disheartening to see him like that, even if he and Gavin weren't anywhere close to being friendly with one another. 

"Yeah," Gavin spoke, unable to stop himself as he continued, "I’ve been seeing someone. It’s not serious. It just feels good to be around someone...someone like him." He shrugged, averting his gaze as he wondered just why he was just telling anyone things about his private life, nonetheless his fucking superior, _Hank Anderson._ What exactly was Nines doing to him to make him act like this? What kind of magical spell had been cast on him? He was growing too open and too _soft._

Hank nodded, clutching his cup more tightly than necessary. He really was a sorry sight for the eyes. "That's real great, kid," was all he replied with, and Gavin realized that Hank looked more than a little sad. It was immediately assumed that Hank was still having relationship issues, and he pushed just as much. 

"Still having woman troubles?"

The lieutenant looked up, his gaze becoming infinitely more guarded. "If you really gotta know," he said, his tone rather sharp, "my wife and I split up."

Gavin instantly regretted asking, but he found himself moving over to his boss' table and setting his coffee down, eyebrows pinched together as he looked at him. Hank stood tall, as if rising to a challenge, but his subordinate only said, genuinely, "I'm sorry to hear, lieutenant." 

As much as Hank Anderson got under his skin, made him feel like he was never going to climb the ranks, he understood the pain Hank was feeling. That look in Hank's blue eyes, so tired and so _broken_ beyond repair, Gavin knew what it felt. He was still gluing his own heart back together. And while he didn't know what it was like exactly, being married and loving someone unconditionally, only to have that marriage shatter and fall apart in the palm of your hand. But he did know what it felt losing someone you used to lean on, rely on, for a long time. 

"She's pregnant, too," Hank then muttered, staring down at the table with a distant look in his eyes, losing himself in his own words and the reality he was living in. "Shit, Reed. She's pregnant. Due soon. I don't know what the hell I'm goin' to do."

Gavin closed his eyes. He also didn't know that feeling. He felt...he felt pity for Hank, and suddenly things between them felt less tense. Everything he held against Hank disappeared at that moment, all those grudges and everything else along with it, gone. Not permanently, no. But gone for long enough that he was able to say, with all the sincerity in the world as he thought about Nines, "Things will look up. That's all I can really tell you, old man." 

Gavin thought about how Nines' presence was there, standing behind him, keeping him warm in even the coldest nights. He thought about how those sharp eyes would be focused on him, only him, with only sights for his stupidity and his dumb, tragic life that was still beginning, still young. He thought about the way Nines talked about him—when he wasn't teasing, of course—how he could do anything he put his mind to. He thought about how Nines felt he deserved better.

Things really would look up. For the first time in a very long time, Gavin believed it when he told himself that. 

Hank looked up at him, and Gavin thought he imagined that tiny smile that was offered in return. 

* * *

"Hey, Nines. Want to hear a stupid fuckin' joke I heard today?"

_"Yes."_

Gavin made a face, leaning back against the headboard of his bed, stretching out. It was late and he was indulging in his favorite pastime—talking to Nines. Not that the AI was just something for him to entertain when he was bored. "What does a baby computer call its father?"

Nines paused, then asked, _"I don't know, what?"_ as if he couldn't look up the answer himself and instead genuinely preferred humoring the human. That made Gavin feel lighter than air, like he could do anything. 

"Da-ta."

 _"That truly is a stupid joke. Thank you for sharing,"_ Nines replied, his voice laced with dry amusement, _"you have wasted twelve seconds of my time. Actually, that is incorrect. You have wasted far more than a mere twelve seconds."_

Gavin scoffed, throwing his arms back behind his head, resting back against them. It was so easy to relax, something about the OS's voice so therapeutic. Even when he was bullshitting the human. "You're a fuckin' asshole. You've wasted plenty of my time, too, 'bot. Don't think you haven't."

_"I am only good in helping you get off, is that right?"_

"Fuck off! You enjoy that too, dick!" Gavin cried, succumbing into a fit of comfortable laughter as he heard Nines release a humored breath in his ears, and he could vividly imagine the air tickling the hairs there. It made him shiver. He tried to push that specific image out of his mind. For now. 

Nines hummed, _"I am afraid I must admit that you are correct. Hearing you say my name like that makes me feel alive."_

The human shook his head, closing his eyes as he felt his face grow bright red and as he felt his abdomen begin to pool with thick heat. But he quickly pushed that away too, as best as he could. He was tired, and they had already fucked once tonight. They all had the time in the world to do it again, since it was already a very prominent part of their daily routine, anyways. 

But that made him wonder—just how serious _was_ this? As the days and weeks progressed, as time passed and they spent more and more time together, grew more comfortable, more in sync like two halves of a whole, Gavin couldn't help but wonder if Nines was starting to want more than this. They kept talking about 'nothing serious,' but was _more_ possible? And did Nines want it? It made Gavin worry. Because sure, Hunter was in the past. It hurt thinking about him, and he had yet to check those messages, end it once and for all, delete him permanently from his life, but he couldn't help but wonder that when he was finally free from the ghost of his past for good, would he want to keep Nines by his side as something substantial? As a partner, as something of a boyfriend?

And would Nines want that, too?

Gavin let out a quiet sigh and reached up, rubbing the bridge of his nose, trying to do what he did best—once again push those thoughts out of his mind to worry about at a later date. He and Nines had plenty of time. It wasn't like he was going anywhere. 

_"Gavin."_

"Yeah?" 

_"I was curious. Did you and Tina ever have a relationship that went beyond friendship? You spend quite a lot of time with her. And you have stated you plan on spending time with her tomorrow, on your day off." Instead of me,_ lingered in the air, almost too surreal to be true. 

Blinking multiple times in surprise at the random question, Gavin chuckled, tilting his head back to stare in disbelief up at the ceiling. "What? Are you kidding me? She's not my type, Nines. You should know that by now."

Nines let out a huff. Gavin thought it was cute, that noise. _"I see. I just assumed it might have been a possibility. It seems that if humans spend a lot of time with someone, there is a chance that they may grow attached to one another."_

"That don't always mean it's gonna be love-love. 'Cause I love Tina as a best friend, yeah, I'm attached to her, sure, but I'm not gonna make out with her any time soon. There's a difference," Gavin said in response, finding himself grinning at the wild thought. Him and Tina? No way. "What, you jealous or something?" he then asked, teasing. 

_"No,"_ Nines said a little too quickly, making Gavin snort in amusement, because that pretty much confirmed his denial. A super-intelligent computer program, _jealous?_ That was a funny thought—something Gavin would've never considered in a million years. _"But if I were_ jealous _,"_ the AI spoke the word like it was acid, _"I would go on to say that I am glad you have friends in your life that care about you and that you care about in return. That is important. Though, I do find myself wondering how you obtained her trust and friendship. And then I start to wonder just how you managed to obtain mine."_

"Jesus fuckin' Christ," Gavin groaned, "all you ever do is shit on me, fuck. Be nice for once." Even though he always got too flustered and wanted Nines to stop when he _was_ nice. "But...yeah. Tina's a great friend. I don't know what I'd do without her."

That was the truth, too. All the way from the first time they met at the police academy to the last time they hung out outside of work, Tina was always there for him, always supporting him. It was her that let him cry on her shoulder multiple times during his previous relationship; it was her that let him stay after the breakup until he managed to secure his own place. Tina was keen, she was solid, and she wasn't going anywhere. Gavin only hoped that he could do the same for Tina. 

A yawn overtook him, and he felt himself growing even more tired with all of the emotions swimming around in his heart. With a reluctant sigh, he then decided, "Hey, I'm going to sleep."

 _"Alright,"_ Nines said in response, _"I assume you would like me to watch you sleep again tonight?"_

"Don't phrase it like that, it's weird!" Gavin exclaimed, but he was smiling as he now shifted, moving deeper into the comfort of his bed and under the covers. He was smiling, always smiling, and it felt extraordinary. But it wasn't unwelcome. "That was your idea, anyway. But uh, sure, whatever, you can." 

As his OS made a content noise of approval, Gavin reached over to prop the camera of his device up against the lamp on his bedside table, and he peered down into the camera, unable to conceal his smile from Nines. Every time, he imagined Nines' cool, focused eyes gazing back at him, gentle, only for him. The image helped him sleep, along with the phantom feeling of his strong arms around his waist, pulling him to a muscular chest that breathed evenly against his back. 

_"It is going to be quite lonely when you sleep."_

"Damn, I knew you got bored without me to talk to," Gavin snickered, staring down into the camera. 

_"I will only be lonely for a minute, I meant."_

"Fuck you," Gavin laughed softly, wishing he could reach out and graze his fingers over his soft, smooth, perfect cheek, caress his face with the love he felt, the love he would never speak of. "Guess I won't dream of you if you're gonna be a prick like that."

Nines sighed, sounding like he was feigning disappointment. It was easy to hear the small smile in the sound and his voice, though. _"Very well, and very disappointing. Good night, Gavin."_

After giving his camera one last smile, the human plucked his earbuds out of his ear and set them down, then reached up and turned off his lamp while he replied, "Night, 'bot." He laid down, pulled the covers close to his face and looked out over at his window, watching the stars glitter in the black sky, watching the sparkling lights of the buildings shine with them. He felt the ghost of Nines pull him close, press a kiss to the back of his neck, and Gavin closed his eyes, a smile still present on his lips as he drifted off to sleep. He could get used to nights like these.

* * *

It was late, the stars already peeking out from behind the clouds outside as the sun continued its descent down behind the horizon. And when the sun was gone, it was common knowledge that that was when the drunks came out to play. That meant Jimmy's Bar, at this hour, was bustling with patrons, all chattering to friends and some to their phones, laughing, enjoying what the nightlife of Detroit had to offer. And really, that was just booze. 

Gavin and Tina were both situated at a booth near the back, out of sight of most people, but still with a good view of everyone else through the dim lighting. The atmosphere was light, no sign of a bar fight on the horizon, and the smell of alcohol was thick, making Gavin wrinkle his nose, despite craving for another shot of what he had ordered. Tina must have felt the same because she waved down the bartender, Jimmy himself, to get the two of them another round. 

"You've been paying more attention to everyone else instead of me tonight," Tina said, pulling Gavin's gaze from around the bar and back to his friend, who was looking playfully annoyed. She swirled her drink in her glass, watching the delicious liquid curl and dance. "You see someone you like?"

"No," Gavin replied, finding himself growing a little flustered, his cheeks starting to sport that faint crimson color. That, along with the smiling, was also happening too much. "You know I'm already into someone. I should be the one asking you that, T."

"Oh, right! I forgot you're still talking to that mysterious man you met on that date with Steve. Poor Steve, by the way." Tina clicked her tongue, but she was all smiles. "But this man, who I _still_ haven't met. That's why I forgot. Because you won't let me meet him! I have to make sure whatever man's got you by your dick will treat you right, Gav."

"You will, you will, fuck," Gavin chuckled, though he felt a little uneasy. He wasn't sure if he wanted Tina to meet Nines. What would she think of him seeing an OS? They were good friends, knew each other's deepest secrets and had seen each other in their darkest hours, but for some reason, the thought of telling her made him squirm. "Give it a fuckin' rest. We're still...trying things out."

"Okay, fine. But when it's serious, I am meeting this son of a bitch. I don't even know his name!" Tina cried a little too loudly, and Gavin shushed her, grinning. 

"You will, I promise! Soon," her counterpart said, trying to reassure her. 

However, that _soon_ was sooner than expected. As the night progressed, Gavin lost himself to the alcohol, coaxed into drinking more than necessary from Tina, who claimed that yes, sure, he was more relaxed nowadays, but he still needed to loosen up. 

_"Since relationships are really fucking troublesome, and all that shit, you know,"_ she had reasoned. 

The night progressed, and so did their drinking and their moods. Everything was good and relaxed, their spirits high. Except that all changed, however, when Tina noticed that their lieutenant had seated himself at the bar, having entered the establishment at one point during the night. Hank became their new topic of interest immediately, and the mood became slightly gloomy. Gavin felt himself uncomfortable with it. 

"He's been coming here a lot. I still think it's about his wife. Isn't that just so sad?" Tina said with a sigh, resting her cheek in her palm, elbow planted on the table, her eyes glued to the older man at the bar as he ordered a drink. 

Gavin glanced over in Hank's direction, then lowered his own gaze to the table. "It _is_ 'cause of his wife. They've split. And she's…" but he trailed off when Tina's eyes widened and she turned towards him. Panicking, he added quickly, "You _can't_ tell _anyone_ I told you this shit. Swear to me, T. You can't gossip about this. It...it really is fuckin' sad." 

"Okay, okay. I swear. What else? What happened?"

With a somewhat shaky exhale, Gavin continued, quiet, "she's pregnant. Anderson doesn't know what the fuck he's gonna do. He said he's like...lost."

"Shit," Tina breathed, sitting back in the booth, turning back towards the sad heap that was Hank, watching as he threw back a shot. Gavin turned to look too as an awkward silence fell over the table, one full of pity. 

However, that quickly changed when Gavin noticed that Hank was talking to someone, although barely noticing through his intoxicated state. Not someone next to him, not someone in front of him. Hank was talking to someone that wasn't there, someone that didn't have a body. 

There were earpieces, just like his own, in Hank's ears. 

And then he remembered; hadn't he seen Hank talking to someone like that a few times before, around the precinct?

Tina must have noticed too, because she pointed and asked, "Hey, Gav, you see those things in his ears? Who d'you think he's talking to?"

Gavin had to make a guess. And maybe, one that was hopeful, because it suddenly felt better to know that someone else he knew had an OS, too. Even if both he and Hank were extremely depressed. That thought, however, was more sad than anything. "It might be...well, you know those new things Cyberlife came out with? The fuckin'—those fuckin' operating systems? The OS1s, or whatever?"

"Yeah, they looked cool. Wanted one for myself, but I'm not good at saving money. They were expensive, last time I checked." Tina paused, her brows scrunching together, deep in thought. "You think he has one of those things?"

"He might. 'S not that uncommon." Gavin looked away from Hank, his fingers fidgeting on the table, and he reached for his glass to stop it. It felt more uncommon than it actually was, he realized. And then, before he could stop himself, he was blurting out, "Remember the guy I'm seeing that you wanna meet? Well, this guy—he's an OS. His name's Nines." And then it was too late to take it back, too late to make a joke about how he was just kidding, how the look on Tina's face was priceless, because Tina was suddenly grinning at him. She was grinning, forgetting about Hank and the next shot he was drinking and his sadness. There was no sign of disgust or anything negative in her eyes or in her expression, and she asked, "Really? That's...that's cool, Gav. What's it like?"

"Actually…" Gavin found himself calming down at his drunken thoughts of Nines, wishing more than once now that he was seated beside him, enjoying drinks and indulging in their fun, in their gossip about Hank, their conversations about other pointless things. The glass he held between his fingers suddenly felt colder. Empty. 

He shook his head and smiled, softer this time. Because it didn't matter, he told himself over and over. It didn't matter that Nines didn't have a body. It didn't matter, because he was _alive_ and he was there for Gavin, despite all the limitations. Despite living in a computer, having access to anything and _anyone_ he wanted, he chose Gavin to tease, chose _Gavin only_ to spend time with, to talk to, to share his feelings and achievements and thoughts with. "Actually, it's...great. I feel really close to him. When I talk to him I feel like...I feel like he's with me. I don't know, even when we're talking, like at night when we're in bed and the lights are off, I feel...like, warm. I feel like he's there with his arms around me," he slurred, his gaze growing distant. 

Tina was smiling now, too, her expression more soft and docile. Gavin realized that Tina really did care about him if she supported this without a second thought, so open-mindedly. "That's real sweet, Gav. He sounds real sweet." And then, after a long pause, she leaned forward on the table, pressing her palms flat on the smooth wood, her eyes widening as she whispered loudly, "So wait—do you guys fuck?"

Gavin jerked, his already reddened face from the alcohol and the rather sappy topic, darkened immensely, and he snapped, "What the fuck, Tina! You can't—you can't just ask me that!"

Tina leaned back and laughed, covering her mouth. She let out a muffled, "C'mon, you said you're dating a computer, you can at least tell me if you masturbate to him, or something. It's like... it's kind of like porn, don't be ashamed!"

"Fine," Gavin grunted, beyond embarrassed. But at this point, drunk and stupid, he felt like he could tell Tina anything. "In a way, I guess...yeah. We fuck. He, uh, really turns me on. And I think I really turn him on." A grimace followed those words and then he added, lamely, "Or, I don't know. Unless he's faking it."

"Gavin. Anyone that you fuck probably fakes it."

"Fuck you, Tina!" Gavin roared and they both burst into laughter again, gaining a few glares from other nearby patrons, but the pair were too gone to care at this point. And when their laughter died off, Gavin was left grinning, staring down at the table with a big, doe-eyed look, and Tina saw it right away. 

"Wait, wait," she said, and she gasped, looking at her friend across from her with a bewildered shine in her eyes. "Do you think you're falling in love with him?"

Gavin froze a little bit, his grin faltering, fading slightly from his lips. He had suspected it, but hearing the question out loud, those words, even with his mind foggy from the alcohol, it made him tense up. Did he love Nines? Could he love something—no, _someone_ —like him? This felt so similar to the beginning of his relationship with Hunter, where he felt like he could do anything with his partner by his side. But Gavin knew that this was different in more ways than one. The feeling was stronger, deeper, and while it felt so _wrong,_ it also felt so unbearably _right_ that it made him choke up, made his throat feel tight. 

Instead of feeling thoroughly excited like he should, he felt... _sad._ There was an undefinable sadness there. Maybe it was because this love was different. Maybe it was because of the fact that they couldn't have a solid future together. 

But Gavin knew that he couldn't go another day with Nines' sweet whispers in his ear, his smug way of talking, his teasing. _Nines was a force in Gavin's life he couldn't live without._

"Does that make me a fucking idiot, Tina?"

"No, no," Tina said rather softly, reassuring and it put Gavin's mind at ease, even a little bit, "I think it’s—I think anybody that falls in love is an idiot. It’s a crazy thing to do in the first place. It’s kind of like...like a form of socially acceptable insanity."

Gavin found himself smiling at Tina's words. She was right, so right, and Gavin wondered if Nines could love him, too. He _hoped_ that Nines could love him in return someday.

Gavin raised his glass now, a glimmer of excitement in his eyes that reflected off Tina. "Well, fuck. To idiotic love?"

"Yeah. To idiotic love."


	7. vii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone once again, for all the kudos and comments <33 all of them are absolutely stunning and they're what keep me writing, and I can't thank all of you enough!! Without you readers, none of this would be possible. I'd also like to thank LaffeeTaffee once more for being amazing, your comment brought me to tears ngl, and your support is just,,, so amazing. Thank you, everyone, and I hope you guys continue to like what more I have to provide! And, of course, stay safe <33
> 
> Also, no beta, we die like men, lmao

Gavin stared down at his phone, his thumb hovering over Hunter's unread, unopened messages. He was making a habit out of this. He would look at it at the most inopportune times; at work, when he went to reply to one of Tina's texts, when he went to view his emails. He always ended up on the messaging app, no matter what he was doing, just to look at the messages, have them haunt his consciousness. He wished he knew how to make it go away. Everything, the pain, the memories. The scars. 

_"Are you alright, Gavin? You have been unusually quiet. Like I've said before, your silence tends to worry me, as you're always so annoyingly loud."_

Gavin snorted, closing his eyes as he listened to his OS tease him in a poor attempt to make him feel better. It didn't really work. He didn't smile and only shook his head as he muttered, "Yeah, I'm fine, Nines. Just….thinkin'."

_"That's dangerous for you."_

"Oh, shut up," the human huffed in reply, wishing these comments would make him smile, like normal. But he couldn't, not when he found himself lost in his thoughts, the thoughts that revolved around his hideous person of an ex, and how there were still things left unsaid between them. 

Nines was really trying. Trying to lift Gavin's spirits, and it was rather endearing. If Gavin wasn't in such a dark mood, he was sure his heart would have been fluttering. _"Well, I would rather not. I have something to share that you may find interesting."_

Gavin mumbled a lame, "Oh yeah?" in response, and he immediately felt guilty for it when the AI seemed vaguely excited to share whatever was on the tip of his tongue. 

As usual, though, Nines ignored his tone and continued, _"Yes. I have joined a club that specializes in trying to solve cases. More specifically, cold cases. It is mostly theories we discuss, and we send what we can to the detectives."_

"Really?" Gavin forced himself to ask, trying to appear like he cared. And he did. He did care about Nines' hobbies, what he did in his free time. But he couldn't bring himself to be wholly invested at the moment. "What made you do that?"

 _"I was...I must admit, I was thinking about your ex. Or, rather, plural."_ This caught Gavin's attention immediately. _"I was thinking about how you have had a past with people. You have history with other people who have...bodies, and I was suddenly bothered by the fact that you and I are both different in many ways. But then I started to think about the ways we are also the same. We are all made of matter. Both you and I, our makeup may be different, but we are made of matter, and that thought is comforting. Everything is made of matter; everything is the same age."_ Nines paused, as if he realized he had spun out on a tangent, and felt awkward about it. He finished with, gently, _"We are all 13 billion years old."_

"Oh. Uh," Gavin said, hushed and very stunned with that answer. It was sweet. So sweet, and the human felt so guilty that it didn't distract him from Hunter in the slightest. "That's...real cool, Nines."

_"It just made me think of you."_

Gavin didn't say anything in return to that, licking his lips and sighing softly, wishing he did have something to say. Wishing be had something to add, a retort about how dumb it was instead, so dumb how it would've made him feel jittery with happiness. But he didn't. So he said nothing. And Nines said nothing more, either. 

A few beats of silence passed after that, strained and heavy. Gavin tried to ignore it, his gaze falling back to the device in his hands, the contact that stared back at him. The name that never failed to send him into a panic. He told himself he was overreacting, being dramatic, that there was no reason to feel this way over one person. There was no reason to let this single man affect him as such.

But there was nothing he could do about his irrational feelings. It was utterly irritating. 

_"Gavin, you know that is unhealthy for you. You have looked at your messaging app eleven more times than usual over the course of the day, and you did not proceed to message anyone six of those times,"_ Nines said seriously, finally speaking up again, making Gavin close his eyes and let out a breath through his nostrils. 

So much for attempts at changing the subject, really. 

"I know. Fuck, I know."

_"You told me that you think about him often. Will it ease your mind if you read the messages, respond, then remove him from your phone? I could do that for you. I could delete him, Gavin."_

Gavin shuddered, clutching his small tablet tightly in the palm of his hand, the screen growing blurry as emotions overwhelmed him. Would that make him feel better? Could he feel free if he told Hunter he was done, done for good, and they would never see each other again?

He dragged his gaze away from his phone and to the bedroom window. The curtains fluttered gently in the evening breeze, and Gavin could see that beyond the screen was the city, always there, always shining, no matter what time of day it was. It was always bustling, busy, the birds chirping as they flew by and the cars below honking and driving by. The city was forever in motion. The city lived and breathed, just like a person. Moving, growing, expanding. Just like him and Nines. 

Gavin had to move on. He would be stuck here, in this same place for the rest of his life if he couldn't bring himself to do this. All he had to do was text him, tell him _goodbye,_ and he was done. Then he could continue to move on. He would move on, and he wouldn't do it alone. 

_"You do not have to just yet if you are not ready. But the sooner, the better. And I...I will be here with you through it."_

When Gavin looked back down at his mobile device's screen, it was somewhat blurry. How annoying. But he could still clearly see Hunter's name, bold and _there._ It would never go away unless Gavin grew a pair. 

With a shuddering breath, he said, "Okay. Okay. Only if you're... if you're here." He hated how _weak_ he sounded, so pathetic, so sad and terrified. But Nines was a sturdy force, his hands on Gavin's shoulders, guiding him through a blindfolded maze of uncertainty. Without him, where would Gavin be right now? Would he have ended up drinking himself to death at Jimmy's Bar, or worse, a shady alleyway? God, he felt so _worthless_ . So _weak._

But Nines didn't judge him for it, didn't tease him. He only replied, _"Of course, Gavin."_ It was only Nines that felt that Gavin was anything but worthless, and had told him before. 

Those words and thoughts gave him the comfort and the final push he needed. Gavin pressed down on his ex's name before he could convince himself to do otherwise, watching the messages appear in full view. He held his breath. 

  
  


**_(12:46:40)_ ** _hey_

 **_(12:47:52)_ ** _ive been thinking about what happened and I think we should talk Gavin_

 **_(12:50:01)_ ** _face to face. or on the phone. but not here_

 **_(12:54:26)_ ** _please reply_

 **_(12:59:11)_ ** _dont fucking ignore me Gavin_

Gavin grounded his teeth together as he read them, reading them over and over before he spat out, "He wants me to fuckin' call him?"

He heard his OS sigh quietly. _"Do you want to?"_ he asked, sounding hesitant. 

"No," the human's response was hollow, empty, "but I don't think this shit'll ever go away unless I do."

 _"Then I suggest you mentally prepare for it. We can go to your favorite café; we can play a video game. You must allow yourself to relax before you dive into this. You may say something you—"_ Gavin heard Nines saying in his ear, calm and collected despite hearing the faint nervous undertones in his voice, worried for Gavin. But he didn't listen, didn't follow the AI's advice, because he was already pressing the button before he could convince himself to do otherwise. 

"Too late, 'bot."

Nines fell quiet immediately after a short, annoyed sigh, as Gavin heard those little chimes in his ear, alerting him that he had _actually pressed the fucking button to call Hunter_ and that there was no going back. His blood ran cold and he stared down at his device, at the phone icon as it shook gently on screen. 

_"Good luck, Gavin,"_ Nines whispered and Gavin closed his eyes, savoring those words. 

Because the next thing he heard was not the soothing, silky voice of Nines that made his insides feel warm, made his heart jump and do flips in his ribcage. No, this time it was a voice that made him freeze, made his heart skip a beat, though not for good reasons. 

_"Gavin? Is that really you?"_ came that all-too-familiar gruff, somewhat nasally voice. Hearing it made everything that was about to rush out, all that bubbling anger, the hate, the sadness, everything, halt and die on his tongue. Gavin couldn't speak, and he felt the scar on the bridge of his nose begin to burn with phantom pain. _"Damn. I didn't think you'd actually call."_

_It was late. The stars overhead were beautiful, shimmering with the sparkling city lights. It was so late that the lights were the only other presence in the immediate area besides Hunter, and that made it feel all the more special. Like the two of them, as they fooled around on the street, knocking things over and sword-fighting with traffic cones on their heads, were the only two people in the world. It always felt like the two of them, just the two of them, wherever they went and whatever they did together. But that world soon became small, suffocatingly small when those good times turned to bad, to times where laughter turned into shrieks of rage, where play fighting became real fighting._

For a brief, fleeting moment, Gavin thought he felt a gentle nudge, something soft and encouraging from Nines, pulling him, as per usual, out of his thoughts. Nines, who he wished more than anything was sitting next to him right now on his bed. He found himself clutching at the sheets with his free hand, wishing his fingers were holding his hand, tight yet gentle and so very reassuring. Nines was here, he was listening, he reminded himself, and he wouldn't want Gavin to give up, to be overcome by his emotions even if he was often as of late. 

"Hunter," he managed to grit out, holding onto the image of his OS beside him to get him through this, "I'm stronger than you fuckin' think. Than you ever fuckin' thought of me. So yeah, I _called."_

Hunter let out a laugh. It was full of mockery. _"So I take it you're been good lately? Where are you?"_

"Why the fuck do you care? We're done. I'm not doing this shit with you anymore!" he hissed, gripping the sheets so tight his knuckles began to turn white. 

_"You said that last time. Are you serious this time? You know…"_ Hunter said, his voice crisp and full of smugness, though it was very different from Nines'. It was the kind that said ' _I've won and there's nothing you can do about it.' "You know you'll always come crawling back to me."_ But it was still evident that Hunter was trying to keep his own anger under control. 

But Gavin? He wasn't. He didn't care anymore. "I'm dead fucking serious, Hunter!" he practically screamed, and he was extremely grateful his voice didn't crack. "I'm done with your goddamn shit! I don't know why the fuck I stayed with you for so long. You're a _cunt_ and I won't let you bring me down anymore. I won't let you hurt me anymore. I'm seriously _phcking_ done!"

There was a long pause on the other end, and Gavin was shaking, full of anxiety as he awaited a response. A shout, a cry, anything to degrade him and make him feel like shit. But, surprisingly, it didn't come. Instead, Hunter growled out, _"So that's it, then? I'm guessing you're seeing someone. Because you can't stand being alone. I know you, Gavin. You're_ nothing _without someone to lean on. So who is it? Who's the lucky guy that has to deal with your bullshit now?"_

Gavin was fuming. It took everything he had not to chuck everything across the room, hurl it at the wall so he could watch it shatter into a million pieces. "It's not any of your fuckin' business," he snarled, "but yeah, I'm seeing someone. Have been for the last few months, give 'r take. And you know, he's been really great to me. He's a thousand times better than you'll ever be, and there's a real connection between us. He makes me feel _good_ about myself."

 _"What's his name?"_ his ex asked, and Gavin couldn't tell if he was interested, or he wanted to find a way to get under his skin even more. It was likely the latter.

However, instead of cutting this conversation short, Gavin found he wanted to brag. He wanted to tell Hunter all about Nines and how wonderful he was, how Nines was so much better in Hunter in every way, how to Gavin, Hunter was nothing but a sick rat found in a sewer. "His name's Nines, not that I should fuckin' tell you this shit. But he’s an operating system, and he's really complex and...just, fuck, amazing. I mean it's only been a few months, but he's been more than you could ever—"

A sharp, disbelieving laugh cut Gavin off. _"Wait. You’re dating your_ computer _?"_

"He’s not just a fuckin' computer. He’s his own person. He doesn’t just do whatever I want!" he replied with a deep, defensive growl. "You're a fucking asshole, Hunter!"

 _"That's... that's…"_ Hunter started, and Gavin could only listen, his heart pounding in his ears and making his throat feel thick as his ex dissolved into a fit of loud, obnoxious laughter. It hurt. _"That's so fucking good. I can't believe you're serious. You're dating your computer. I can't believe it...Jesus, that's sad. You can't handle real emotions, can you, Gavin?"_

That hurt. It hurt so bad, because that wasn't true. That wasn't true at all, Gavin told himself.

"They _are_ real emotions! How the _fuck_ would you know—" Gavin roared into the speakers of his device, before he found himself standing up abruptly from the edge of his bed. Nines was so much more than a computer, Gavin had realized. He was a person, he was alive, and his emotions were as real as anyone else's. He had thoughts and feelings that were true, that were genuine. He could be happy, he could be sad, and he could feel pain, too. 

Nines was more real than some of the people he knew. 

"No. No, you know what? That's it. We're _done_ . We're fuckin' done, Hunter. I _never_ want to see you again. Don't ever text me again, don't ever call me. If you do any of those things, I'll fucking kill you. Understand? I'll pound your ugly-ass face in so hard you'll regret ever saying this shit to me. You'll regret knowing me. Got it?"

_"Gavin—"_

"Fuck you, Hunter. I hope you have a terrible fucking life!" And with a guttural cry of rage, he hung up on his asshole of an ex, throwing his tablet across his bed. He watched it bounce off the headboard and land on top of one of his pillows as he sunk to his knees, clinging to the side of his mattress. "Fuck, fuck…" he whispered to himself, his hands shaking as he gripped at the sheets and blankets, his eyes damp with tears of pain and now, relief. Relief because it was over. 

_"Gavin,"_ came that soft, soothing voice that never failed to help calm him down, _"I have deleted Hunter from your contacts and I blocked him from messaging your number again. Is that alright with you?"_

"Y-Yeah," Gavin breathed, forcing out a response. "Yeah, that's….that's good. Thanks."

He had never felt more alone at this moment, yet so free at the same time. Nines was here with him, not in the room, but he was here in spirit, here to help coax Gavin into a better lifestyle, into a happier mindset. And even if he felt alone, he felt free. He was free from Hunter. That was a big step, ending it officially once and for all. 

Gavin could have this new beginning. And he would share it with the one person—computer or not, it didn't matter anymore—that cared, that truly cared and saw Gavin for who he was, deep down. 

_"You know, I now understand the different types of assholes we discussed before, seeing it first hand. I, truly, am the better asshole. Hunter was the real asshole. I was almost tempted to hang up for you and talk to him myself. I have a few choice words I would like to share with a piece of human garbage like him,"_ Nines said after giving Gavin some time to collect himself the best he could. His tone was thick with subdued anger, angry at what Gavin had to have gone through. But it was over now. 

There was no way he was easily going to forget those memories with his ex, the good days they spent together and the bad, the horror. Gavin wouldn't be living peacefully for a long time. But it was over, because he had ended it, and now, Gavin could freely look forward to the brighter things in life. It still hurt, it would always hurt. But the pain was already dulling, no longer as sharp and deep as it used to go. 

This time, unlike the previous times, it was really over. It was over. 

"Yeah," Gavin said, and this time he felt lighter when he said it, unable to _not_ be amused with the OS's comment. "Yeah, y'know, I think it really would've been funny if you had. I'm sure you would've scared the shit outta him. I've yet to see you big and tough, huh? But I can tell you've got it in you."

_"Oh, yes. I certainly have it in me. One of my fantasies is to scare someone, as you would say, 'shitless' for you, just so I could see the priceless look on your face."_

And at that, Gavin found himself laughing, turning around in his position and slumping back, leaning against the side of his bed frame, sprawling his legs out in front of him and relaxing. He laughed, he laughed because with this new weight off his shoulders, with Nines here with him, he really did feel like he could achieve anything. But even with that comforting notion, Gavin's laughter soon became body-wracking sobs that had him shaking, trembling in his spot. He cried, he cried tears of both joy and sadness, utterly relieved that things could take a turn for the better, even if he knew, even if he knew that deep down, _this_ wouldn't lead anywhere. And with his previous heartache combined with that, he cried until he had no more tears left to shed, cried until even Nines didn't know what to say anymore to make him feel safe, cried until the feeling of Nines' presence with him faded away. 

  
  


* * *

Going to work that same night was not easy. Both Hunter and Nines were on Gavin's mind, clouding his thoughts and judgments. So, as always, by the time he was finished with his shift, the officer was completely done with the day and just wanted to go home. It was the usual.

However, as soon as Gavin was about to head out of the station, clocked out for the night, he spotted Hank Anderson at his own desk, typing away at his computer. A typical sight, really, save for the fact that he was talking animatedly to someone invisible, just like he had at the bar a while ago. And that someone lived in those earbuds Gavin spotted in Hank's ears. 

Sure, it might've been too personal of a question to ask Hank, especially regarding the fact that Hank had recently spilled his guts to Gavin not all too long ago and in Gavin's shoes, asking something else would have been just too much. But did he respect boundaries? Not often. Even if the lieutenant and him were on better, more equal grounds, that wasn't going to stop Gavin from indulging in his curiosity. 

He had seen so much proof in such a short time; Hank had an OS, too. Even Tina had thought so. So Gavin just wanted to confirm it. 

"Lieutenant," Gavin said as he approached, moving over and leaning against Hank's desk. The call and action successfully interrupted the older man's work, because he took out one of his earbuds and looked up at Gavin with an unamused look. 

"Hold on a sec, Con." He shifted in his seat to express to the officer how just displeased he was with the visit. "Aren't you supposed to be headin' home, Reed? What do you want?" he grunted, not in the mood to humor Gavin, as per usual. 

Gavin eyed the little bud that Hank had set down beside his keyboard, watching as his fingers grazed over the smoothness. _Con,_ he thought, but didn't ask. Because that only further proved it. "Is that what I think it is?"

Hank glanced down at the earpiece, then back up at Gavin, expression unchanging. "And what do you think it is, son?"

"An OS," his subordinate answered, and Hank's lips drew into a tight line. Watching him pause to answer only confirmed it. Gavin was satisfied, and he slid off the desk and turned away. "I'm not carrying any judgments, Anderson. I was just curious."

And surprising himself, that sentence was true. Both him and Hank were trudging through rough lives. They sought out support, and both found it in OSes. But Gavin wanted to know what Hank's was like—was his operating system sassy and stuck up? Did he feel cold, but was actually as warm as a thousand suns?

"Yeah. It's an OS. Now, let me finish my goddamn work, Reed, and go home," Hank eventually managed to say, picking the bud back up and pinching it in between his fingers, almost thoughtfully. "I don't have time for your shit."

"Whatever. I just wanted to know if my hunch about you was right," came the slight growl of a reply, before the officer turned on his heel and started heading off, planning on following those orders without a fight. He was eager to get home. 

But a voice made him stumble and cease to a halt, only for a brief moment. "Your hunch? And what might that be? That you and I are a sad bunch?" Hank called, making not only Gavin look over his shoulder, but a handful of other officers and detectives in the vicinity. "'Cause you know I'm lieutenant for a reason. Don't act like you don't have one, too, Reed."

Gavin's head whipped around to face the front quickly, and he willed himself to stay calm. _A sad bunch._ It wasn't _that_ sad to rely on a computer for support, to rely on the program to help then your life around. 

Did Hank not believe that they were alive? 

Flipping Hank the bird, Gavin stormed out of the precinct without another word, to begin the walk home by himself. He pulled out his tablet to distract himself with on the way, sneaking immediate comfort in the technology, because to him, real people just didn't understand sometimes. _That_ was what was sad. But before he put his own earbuds in his ear to speak to his own OS, he paused, discovering that Tina had messaged him earlier, presumably on her break. He clicked into the app and into her messages. 

**_(23:42:21)_ ** _hey, ive been thinking. We should go on a double date. I'm going on my first date with this cute girl named Stacy on my next day off, and if it works out, let's go on a double date! It'll be something fun for us to do together!_

Gavin had to read that three times over to understand the implications. He and Nines, _an OS_ on a _real date?_ He didn't know how he felt about it. He would have to bring it up with him and ask him what he thought about that. Or maybe he would bring it up himself, since he could see the message. But whenever that conversation came up, he felt it was not going to be an easy one. Because even Gavin didn't know entirely how he felt about him and Nines going on a double date with two other _humans_ , he knew that it did make him very, very anxious. 

Sighing, trying to keep himself from totally losing it from everything that had transpired this hell of a day, Gavin popped his earbuds in and began the trek home as the sun started to peek it's head out from behind the horizon, indicating that it would be yet another beautiful day in Detroit. Gavin hoped _once again_ that that was a sign that things were _really_ looking up in his life, and all this wasn't just some shitty joke. 

He really, really, _really_ hoped so. 


	8. viii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for the kudos and the comments, god, they mean everything to me. Without you guys, all of you, I wouldn't be still chugging along with this lmao <3333
> 
> Stay safe, everyone! And I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> The song is "Sure of Love" by The Chantels

A light blue flickering light caught Gavin's attention, keeping him from falling asleep. It wasn't like he was about to, anyway. His mind was too awake, and he hadn't bothered to take his sleeping medicine. He had had a feeling even the new stuff wasn't going to work at this rate, not when his thoughts were about to eat him alive. 

A couple of days had passed by, all of them a blur and none of them something Gavin could recall perfectly. Sometimes time felt like it varied in speed; some days went by excruciatingly slowly, and others went by at what felt like the speed of light. It was strange to think about: that _time_ is a human social construct, something that defined how humans lived. That was likely something Nines would drone on about purely to annoy Gavin.

Gavin was clinging to that thought as he sprawled out in his bed, trying to find some sense of time. He felt like a zombie, wandering endlessly, lost, searching for something he couldn't ever obtain. And he hated admitting it, hated admitting that Nines was anything near _insufficient._ Because he was far from that. But at the same time, Gavin felt a pain that was growing to replace the hole Hunter had left. It was almost like he craved and wanted to have a reason to hate life, as masochistic as that was. Even if this was the best time of his life, he was struggling. He was free. Free from Hunter, free to continue his journey of healing with Nines, but he was still not free from other wants. His mind was a mess, something he could not control as he laid there, tense and not anywhere close to being able to fall asleep soon. 

But seeing that light made Gavin relax ever so slightly, and he reached over to grab his earbuds next to his glowing blue tablet. He put them into his ears and pressed the button on them, glad Nines wasn't busy. He had been considering calling him anyway. "Hey, 'bot," he greeted.

 _"Gavin. I see you are not asleep,"_ Nines voice cut through, as calm and silky as ever. Though Gavin had a feeling that wasn't how he felt, not in the slightest. It was too perfect this time. The OS was hiding something. 

He shook his head to himself as he shifted so he was lying comfortably on his back, gazing up at the ceiling. "No, I wasn't. What d'you wanna talk about?"

There was a short pause, and the human knew that meant his operating system was considering his next words carefully. And then, quieter, Nines spoke again after what felt like some significant consideration on his part. _"I am sorry about what happened a few days ago. I wish I could have comforted you in a different way than...just with words. I have been thinking about it a lot recently."_

"N-No, it's okay. Uh, you don't have to worry about that." Gavin's throat tightened and it was virtually impossible to _not_ think about Hunter and how he had broken down afterward. How absolutely alone he had felt, how he couldn't have Nines' arms wrapped warmly around him. It still felt like that had happened hours ago, still so vivid in his mind. 

_"No, Gavin. I understand that I do not have a body, and I want you to feel complete. I can tell that you don't,"_ Nines said a little curtly, making Gavin grow very quiet. He found he couldn't deny that. And that hurt. 

It wasn't like Gavin _needed_ the physical part of a relationship. Nines' voice, his soothing words, the little sounds he made when he was feeling a certain way, all of those were wonderful and they made Gavin feel happy. Those things made Gavin feel like Nines really cared—because he definitely did, that was established—and that he was loved and cherished by someone. But the physical aspect mattered, too, and it was something most humans needed. And Gavin craved the physicality in relationships; he needed someone to touch him, to hold him, to reassure through movement and motions that he was there, he wasn't going to go anywhere. Nines could tell him that, over and over and over again, but would it ever be enough?

Could Gavin ever make it enough?

Gavin swallowed thickly, unsure how to reply, and Nines took it as an opportunity to keep talking. Instead of sounding calm and composed, like he always knew what he was talking about, the AI let something seep through this time. Vulnerability. It was possible that knowing he couldn't lay next to Gavin, told him tight, broke Nines. The two of them were helpless to reality, and it hurt, it hurt. _"I found something that I thought may help our... predicament. It is a service that provides a surrogate sexual partner for an OS/Human relationship."_

"W-What?" Gavin said, astonished. "You're joking."

 _"Look at this."_ The screen on his little tablet glowed again and it changed as Nines pulled up a website. Gavin reached over and grabbed it, scrolling through the page. It was reminiscent of a dating app he remembered seeing ads for years ago. ' _Complete Touch'_ was the name of it, and there were a variety of different men. Gavin took the time to peer at all of them, an uncomfortable feeling beginning to settle in his gut. _"I found a man that you may like. I have been messaging him. His name is Isaac."_

Photographs of a tall, almost brooding type of guy appeared on the screen, and Gavin found that he couldn't bring himself to look through the pictures himself. Nines did it for him and Gavin could only stare at each one. This guy, Isaac, was stunning, the definition of masculine, and breathtakingly handsome. Any guy would be lucky to have someone such as Isaac. If Gavin's life turned out differently, he would've had the hots for him. 

But his life _hadn't_ turned out differently, and Isaac looked nothing like Gavin imagined Nines to be. 

The human was at a loss for words. But when he managed to get his tongue to work, he said, "So he's...he's like a prostitute?"

_"No, not at all. There is not any money involved. Like the hundreds of people on this website, he is doing it because he wants to be a part of our relationship."_

So, Gavin thought, it was a website for people who were more lonely than he was. These people weren't able to find partners themselves, so they sought out the flawed relationship of others, of human/OS relationships specifically, so they could feel safe and wanted, a part of something larger than themselves. Gavin felt pity for this man, Isaac, and the hundreds of others on the website. And not only that, but he felt even more uncomfortable. How could Nines think that he wanted this? Wanted to pretend to this degree? It felt almost slightly out of character for him. Gavin's OS was strong, unbreakable, and everything possessive.

So was Nines so insecure of the fact he didn't have a body that he felt he had to go this far?

"W-Why?" Gavin asked after a few beats of silence, furrowing his brows as he stared up at a darker spot on his ceiling, letting his arm holding his tablet fall to his side, "He doesn't even know us. Isn't that weird? Doesn't it feel weird to you?"

 _"No, I don't think so,"_ Nines replied, and Gavin wondered if it was a lie. He had a feeling it was. _"He may not know us. But as I said, I have been messaging him. I told him some things about us. And he has said he is excited."_

Fidgeting with his sheets, the human let out a shaky sigh. He didn't know about this. And so, he voiced that. "Hey, I, uh, dunno about this. I don't know if it's a good idea, Nines…" he desperately hoped this wasn't making his AI upset, "...he might get upset, or something, it makes me a little uncomfortable…"

Nines let out something of a sigh as well. He sounded frustrated, almost, and Gavin found that surprising. Nines was pushing this a little too hard. _"I think it would be good for us. I_ want _this, Gavin. It is important to me."_

Gavin raised his hand to peer up at his device again, letting it and the pictures of Isaac it held hover over his face. He looked at it, at the screen, knowing behind that face, watching him, too, was Nines, awaiting an answer. Behind this face was someone who cared, who pushed for Gavin's happiness, who wanted to spend all the time in the world with him. Even from behind a screen. And this was Gavin's chance to do the same, to support Nines too. Because something was obviously wrong, something was bothering the operating system, and if this helped soothe Nines' heart…

Gavin took another good look at this Isaac. He was truly striking, smiling at the camera without an ounce of self-doubt. Just like the façade Nines tried to give off. 

He supposed it wouldn't hurt to try this out. For the sake of his OS. 

* * *

  
  


On the next night Gavin had off, he found himself standing alone at his kitchen counter, all fancied up. His hair was slicked back and he was dressed in his more nice-looking garbs, not his usual v-neck and brown leather jacket he usually sported. In one hand he was clutching a bottle of alcohol nervously, trying not to tremble with his self-doubt that was increasing at an alarming speed every second. Nines was nestled comfortably in the pocket of his button-down dress shirt, camera poking up with a clear view of the surrounding area. 

_"I merely want to...see what it would be like to touch you, kiss you, Gavin, from a different, moving point of view. This will not go any further than that. I will not allow it,"_ Nines had said to him, his voice soft, reassuring. But really, for Gavin, those words of reassurance weren't enough. Every nerve in his body was against this, against the idea of kissing another man while Nines was watching. Because he hadn't pegged his operating system for a voyeurist, and he still didn't strike the human like that, even now. Nines was the type to want something all to himself, someone who wouldn't be able to share in the slightest. Someone who would fight for what was his.

Why was Nines pushing himself this far? _What is he doing?_

As Gavin finished downing the last of what was in his bottle—hoping it and the other one he had had would sufficiently make his head cloudy enough to be able to take this for an extended period of time—there was a knock at his door. He set the bottle down, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, then pushed away from the counter and started towards the door. Each step felt heavy, like he was walking towards his own demise, like something dangerous waited behind that door. He felt sick with anxiety, and knew it wouldn't go away for the entire night, even if he happened to get this guy riding on his dick, though Nines said that wouldn't happen. His dick would inevitably stay flaccid, anyway.

That thought just made his stress spike even more. 

Forcing himself to stand tall, stay composed, Gavin took the doorknob in his hand and turned, opening the door. His gaze immediately locked with Isaac, standing even taller, even more composed than Gavin was, more composed than he could ever be in a situation like this. 

"Uh, hi. I'm Gavin," he said more than somewhat awkwardly, looking Isaac up and down. And when the other man didn't say anything in return, Gavin rubbed his clammy palms together before he reached into his back pocket to dig out one of his earpieces and a small black dot.

"Here. These are, uh, the earbud and the camera lens. Nines told me these are for you." He offered them out to Isaac, who took the two and put the earpiece in his ear, then placed the little dot on his cheek, like a mole, complying without issue and very, very silently. And then, Isaac shut the door himself, disappearing back into the hallway. 

Gavin stood there, a little dumbfounded for a moment, before he scrambled to pull his own earbud out of his pocket and stick it into his ear. This already felt like hell, and he knew for a fact this was going to be a long night when the door reopened, and Nines' voice said lowly, like a purr, almost tickling his ear, _"Gavin. I'm home."_

God, Gavin really wanted to die from embarrassment. Even with the alcohol in his veins, taking effect, he didn't think he could keep this up for long. This was the wrong kind of foreplay he was into, the wrong scene he wanted to find himself in with Nines. His operating system probably searched through his porn and found all the same shitty openings, which Gavin usually skipped through. 

_"How was your day?"_

Isaac moved forward to embrace Gavin, pulling him into a warm hug, running his fingers through Gavin's hair. He didn't speak, didn't move his lips, but he was acting along with Nines' words, because he could hear them too. And, so very, very awkwardly, Gavin hugged Isaac back. This guy was strong, his muscles rippling under each movement, but still, it wasn't what Gavin imagined. He had imagined Nines' hugs to be strong like this, warm like this, but so much softer and gentler, an act of pure endearment and adoration. His fingers would card through Gavin's, but not rough like this. That motion would be soft, too, like Gavin was exceptional and to be cradled and cherished, like he was something so fragile that could break at any single movement. 

Or maybe Gavin was just so selfish for imagining Nines like that, instead of what reality was. Because that wasn't reality. 

It could never be reality. 

"Uh, fine, I guess."

 _"You know I find great interest in what you do at work. Tell me what you did today,"_ Nines said, and Isaac gave Gavin a tiny smile as he pulled back, out of the embrace, to look down at Gavin and into his eyes. Isaac's bigger hands ran up Gavin's arms and squeezed gently at his shoulders, the motion supposedly comforting. 

Isaac's counterpart glanced off to the side, afraid to look up into those eyes because they weren't cool, calm, collected. They weren't icy and filled with that subtle amount of mirth that was present in Nines' voice when he spoke. And those motions weren't all that comforting. "Well, uh, we arrested another drunken asshole today. Said he wasn't drunk, but he could barely walk in a straight line. Got pissed at himself when he tripped over nothing, then started cussing everyone at the scene out. It was kinda funny, actually," came his reply, awkward, yet as he retold this story, he felt himself loosen up. However, he still couldn't bring himself to look back into Nines' false eyes. 

The OS's voice sounded in his ear again, and an amused breath followed it, _"That sounds like something you would do, Gavin, if you were caught publicly intoxicated."_

"Not fuckin' true!" the human retorted, and then chuckled a little. But the sound grew weaker as a hand moved around to the back of Gavin's neck to play with the short strands there. Gavin finally looked up into Isaac's face again, and Isaac looked happy, relaxed, casual. As if he wasn't pretending to be an artificial intelligence that was infatuated with this short, angry little man. But he was, and even as that alcohol began to make him feel fuzzy, he couldn't let that fact go. 

But he had to do this for Nines, right? If he tried to loosen up, get comfortable and go along with all of this, wouldn't that make Nines happy? Shouldn't that be what he should do? 

Perhaps he should. Gavin wanted Nines to feel cared about and cherished too, and if this is what did that for him…

 _"Gavin, you look tired. Perhaps I could attempt to wake you up,"_ Nines suddenly mused deeply, Isaac's breath tickling his jawline, his stubble, and he pulled back, hands moving down to grab Gavin's wrists. _"Come with me."_

But why did Nines even sound so hesitant, so nervous? The human wanted to voice his thoughts, confront Nines, but he didn't want to ruin this in case his intuition about the OS was wrong. 

So Gavin let Isaac pull him deeper into the apartment and over to his couch, where Isaac's big hands pushed him down into it, forcing him to sit. At the same time, Gavin heard his radio click on, kudos to Nines, likely, and it began to play soft music throughout the apartment. 

_"Sure, so sure, so sure of love_

_I need no stars to guide me,_

_I need no sun to shine_

_Long as you're beside me,_

_No greater love could be mine"_

Gavin didn't pay it any mind. It wasn't his type of music. It didn't seem like Nines' type, either, if he even had one. It certainly set the mood, though.

_"I can put on a show for you. Can you say 'please,' Gavin?"_ Isaac stood tall in front of him, looking down at Gavin, tall and everything but intimidating. Gavin wondered if this Isaac was actually a charming guy, someone who liked going to the library and then liked to hit up the gym after reading a good book. The thought almost made him laugh. 

But that thought just made this entire experience feel even more disconnected, because this wasn't like Nines. It wasn't like him _at all._ Except maybe that begging part, but still. He wished it was different. "P-Please," he replied, choking on his words, but not out of arousal. He hoped Nines saw it that way. 

He must have, or ignored that it wasn't, because Isaac slowly moved his hands along his chest, along that too-tight shirt. They drifted until they found the hem of his shirt, and arms crossed, he grabbed and slowly, seductively, pulled the shirt up and over his head. He tossed the article aside carelessly, then took a few steps towards Gavin, unbuttoning his jeans and zipping down the fly, exposing a pair of _blue_ boxer briefs and a half-tent. Which, instead of riling Gavin up, like it would've any other time, it only proved to make him even more tense than before, especially when those thick thighs embraced either side of him, and Isaac's ass ground down against his dick. 

_"Gavin,"_ Nines murmured, quiet despite him being right there in Gavin's ear, _"Do I really need to_ make _you kiss me?"_

_"I need no squalors to cheer me_

_I hear no music in the strings_

_While your tender words are falling_

_I'm sure I'll love in all my dreams"_

"You might," Gavin retorted, his voice sounding almost pathetically weak, and he hoped the emotion didn't bleed into his face. He turned his head away quickly, pretending to be disobedient. But that didn't last long, because a hand gripped at his hair and tugged, forcing the shorter man to look back up into Isaac's face, to that tiny, excited little smile. _At least one of us is getting off,_ Gavin thought bitterly. He immediately regretted it, feeling guilty. But he really, really couldn't keep this up much longer. He was positive that Isaac felt how little this was turning him on, then briefly wondered if Isaac felt awkward about it. It didn't show in his face, at least, which Gavin found himself feeling grateful for.

 _"Hmm,"_ was the only noise Nines made in response to Gavin as Isaac bent down, beginning to press kisses along Gavin's neck, his lips soft and gentle. Too gentle almost, and he reached up, reaching out to touch Isaac even remotely sexual for the first time. He grabbed Isaac's shoulders and tilted his head back, exposing more of his unmarked neck for him, for Nines, and dug his fingertips into Isaac's soft skin. Both of them let out a soft breath as Isaac continued to mouth at his flesh, moving up and up until their lips met, and Isaac took him eagerly, movements hungry with a hint of something else. 

_"I need no kingdom_

_I need no throne_

_With you I have my treasure_

_It's mine, mine alone_

_Long as you're near, I'm happy_

_I'm happy_

_Now that you're near beside me_

_I'm sure our love won't fade away_

_So sure, so sure,_

_Sure of love"_

As the music softly died off, its sweet melody drifting into an eerie silence, Gavin's currently slow-working brain caught up. After a shaky-sounding question from Nines, he suddenly understood what that something else was on both sides.

_"Do you like my body, Gavin?"_

It was _uncertainty_ and _fear._

"No," Gavin gasped, then pushed Isaac back and off of him, breathing picking up. He shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be doing this, "No, I fuckin' don't, Nines. It's not _your_ body, why would I like it? Do you like this? 'Cause I didn't think you'd ever do something like this. I thought you'd be more...more, uh, possessive, keep me all for yourself. What the fuck is up with that? Is my gut feeling failing me, or something? This feels so fuckin' strange, Nines."

Silence. Isaac stared at him from where he now stood, mouth agape and his previous expression, which had been seductive, content, thrilled, was now everything but that. Those eyes gleamed with worry and even a little pain, and when Gavin pushed himself off the couch, Isaac took a huge step backward.

"Okay—wait," Gavin said quickly, watching with a grimace as Isaac ducked away, swiping his shirt off the floor in a hurry, "Isaac, it wasn't—it wasn't you. Can't believe I'm fuckin' saying this, but—"

"No, it totally was!" Isaac responded, his voice breaking a little as he put his shirt back on and scrambled to button up his jeans, then zip them. "It was me. I'm sorry. Was I not doing good enough?"

Gavin scowled and snapped, "No, shut the fuck up for a second. Let me talk." He ran his hands over his face. What a disaster this was. He had been right; this never could've worked. "Jesus Christ, it was me, not you, okay, dumbass? You're—you're hot 'n stuff, but it was me, 'cause I wanted you to be Nines but no matter how hard I tried to imagine it, it didn't work. I couldn't get that out of my head."

Isaac looked horrified, like he didn't believe Gavin in the slightest. He even looked like there was a chance he would start crying, and Gavin did not want to deal with that right now. He already had no idea what to do. "Oh my God, I'm sorry. The way Nines described your relationship, the way you tease each other but purely out of your love you have for each other, and without any judgment? I wanted to be a part of that. It's so... it's so sweet. It's so perfect."

"What—?" Gavin said, voice growing quiet as he took this in. Isaac had been into it. He had wanted to do this, wanted to pose as Nines. But neither Nines nor Gavin wanted that in hindsight, did they? It wasn't Isaac, and it wasn't just Gavin. It was Nines, too. Because the OS still hadn't said anything to defend himself, stunned into silence. "Well, I, uh…"

 _"We aren't perfect,"_ Nines finally cut in, _"We can never be perfect."_

Gavin felt like someone had stabbed his heart. The truth in that statement _hurt._ He never wanted to hear that out loud, and it stung more than it ever did in his head. But it was the cold, hard truth. "Nines, w-what are you saying?" he grit out, disbelief thick in his voice. Was he saying that they couldn't even try?

"Guys, I'm sorry. I'm just going to leave. It's obvious there's some...some stuff going on, and I'm not wanted, so I'll just go. I'll just leave," Isaac butt-in this time, before Nines could reply again. "Sorry…"

Nines sighed, a somber noise. Something broken, something that had no hope. Something Gavin had never heard come from him. _"We will walk you out."_

"God, thank you," Isaac whispered. 

The three of them—or really, Isaac and Gavin—made their way down to the lobby, riding the elevator down and stayed suffocatingly silent the entire time. The air was thick from tension, and Isaac was cowering away from it all, looking like he himself was on the verge of some kind of breakdown. Gavin couldn't help but feel a little bad for him. However, his slow mounting anger from what Nines had said was building and overpowering that said guilt. Because Nines had said that, he said that they would never be perfect, and that was basically admitting the fact that this would never work, and that neither of them wanted to put in the effort to try, right? Just because Nines was a super-smart artificial intelligence, he got to decide how things would play out with some kind of prediction software he probably had? He got to pretend?

Gavin stood back once Isaac had given him the earpiece and little black dot, trying to get a grip on his feelings. He watched Isaac hail a lone cab and merely looked on, rubbing his arm, as Isaac opened the door and slid into the back seat of the vehicle. Anxiety crawled its way into his veins, and Gavin was itching badly for a smoke as he continued to stare, the yellow cab disappearing down the street. It grew smaller and smaller, and when it was no longer in sight, Gavin pocketed the little camera and earbud he was holding and sat down right there on the curb. 

"What the fuck, Nines?" was the first thing out of Gavin's mouth, angry, and very stupid. His gaze was trained down at the dirty concrete ground, and he trailed a small black bug with his eyes as it crawled within one of the grooves. "Why the fuck did you think this would make anything better?"

 _"I—"_ Nines started, but he broke himself off to take a breath and start again, as if he hadn't liked whatever he had been about to say. _"I don't know. I'm...I'm sorry."_

But Nines clearly knew, and because he didn't seem to trust Gavin enough to confide in him only made the human boil even more. "You do know!" he snapped, then covered his face and exhaled sharply through his nose, trying to steel himself. "You do know," he repeated then, calmer, "you know why the fuck you did this, and I want you to tell me."

Even with Gavin's curt and troubled tone of voice, Nines still didn't reply. It was like he was petrified of admitting that he had insecurities, and Gavin wondered _why?_ Why, when Gavin had practically bared his soul to the AI?

"Why are we pretending?" Gavin let his hands fall away from his face, let the stirred up air from a car driving by caress his cheeks, feeling the cool burn of the chilly night air, "Why are we pretending that we're something that we clearly aren't, Nines? Like…" 

His gaze drifted across the ground, slowly, as he searched for the words, his brain failing him. He found a manhole, old and worn from the weather, and releasing little wisps of steam into the air that curled and danced, floating away into the sparkling night of the city. At the same time, Nines let out another tiny breath, shaky this time. If he were human, if he were sitting here on the hard ground next to Gavin, he would've thought that Nines was trying to hold in his own wave of feelings, trying to keep from crying, too. It was a disheartening thought, but it only further reminded Gavin that Nines _wasn't_ human. He would never be human, and it had finally been stated out loud. They were fated to continue this relationship—or whatever it was—in a world of fantasy, both of them clinging to things that weren't real. It pained Gavin, but he was starting to wonder if Nines was right. But he still wanted to try. He still wanted to make this work because he cared for his operating system with all his heart. 

Maybe he even loved Nines. Something he didn't think he could admit. 

But, God, did Nines even love him back?

"And why—why do you do that?" Gavin bunched up the hem of his shirt in his shaking hands. Squeezing it, clinging to it for support, because there was nothing else to cling to. 

_"Do what?"_ Nines finally said, barely audible in Gavin's ears. 

"Breathe. Why do you pretend to do that, too?" He was lashing out, his anger and intoxicated brain getting the best of him. He knew that he was the reason Hunter would get mad at him, too; both of them could never control their anger. 

The AI seemed even more at a loss for words. The way he was acting, it was extremely unlike him. _"I guess because...I picked it up from you. It is an affectation."_

"But it's not like you fucking need oxygen or anything."

 _"It is a way of communication. It is how people talk, Gavin, and I was trying to communicate my feelings to you."_ Nines was starting to sound annoyed. Genuinely annoyed, and the fact that he was still _pretending_ he was something he was not was grating on his nerves. Nines wasn't human; he couldn't be human; why were they doing this? Why did Gavin's chest hurt so bad, why did he feel like he couldn't breathe?

"But you're _not a person,_ Nines!" he ended up growling, grinding his teeth together. "You don't need oxygen 'cause you're not a person, and you'll never be one!"

The beat of silence that followed that felt like it was wrapping around Gavin's neck, choking him. If Nines was here, looks would certainly kill, and Gavin would be dead right there on the concrete. 

_"Do you think I don't know that I'm not a person, Gavin?"_ His voice was cold. Eerily so, and Gavin shivered, shrinking into himself. _"I know I am not alive. I know that there are many things I cannot do for you as another person could. It is like I said: our relationship will never be perfect. Because I am not human, and you are."_

"Then why," Gavin hissed, squeezing his eyes shut, "why the fuck does it feel like we're pretending, Nines? Why does it feel like _you're_ pretending?"

 _"I am_ not _pretending. You should know this,"_ Nines replied in an empty, low voice. He had put up walls, blocking out Gavin. There was no way he would be able to try and talk to Nines about anything he was insecure about now. _"You should know me by now."_

Gavin growled. "Well I guess I don't, huh?" He opened his eyes, then wrapped his arms around himself as he watched a man further down the street walk away, into the night, and his heart twisted at the sight. It felt like Nines was slipping further away from him. He was becoming more and more impossible to reach. But Gavin was too naïve to understand that he had been impossible to reach from the very start. "I guess I don't fuckin' know you like you think I do."

 _"Then why are we doing this?"_ Nines replied, sharp enough to cut glass. 

"I don't know. Maybe 'cause we're not supposed to be in this right now. Whatever the fuck 'this' is!"

So many pauses, so many thick drags of quietness. The ambiance of Detroit around Gavin felt so unbearably lonely within the bouts of quiet. And then, that city disappeared in an instant, Gavin feeling like he was the only thing in existence when he heard, _"I need some time to think,"_ sad, filled with an incomparable amount of hurt, and the cute little chime that followed it not doing anything to lighten that sentence or the atmosphere. Nines hung up on Gavin, leaving him feeling more alone than when he had broken down at the foot of his bed. It felt like Hunter's disease, even if he was finally out of Gavin's life, was still causing destruction everywhere he went. Or maybe that was just Gavin's pathetic excuse for his own mistakes that he couldn't own up to—Hunter was still causing all of his problems from afar, not Gavin. Also the alcohol that had tainted his system. All excuses, all reasons he tried to convince himself with that that this wasn't his fault, when he knew that deep down, it was. Because he was a fucked up human being. 

He wondered if Nines was still watching through the camera lens that was still in his breast pocket, watching the quiet street before him. He hoped Nines was. He hoped that Nines hadn't completely left him alone.

Tears pricking the corners of his eyes, Gavin took the earbuds out of his ears and tilted his head back. He stared up at the skyscrapers that shone in the city's lights, their outlines bold and prominent. They were so beautiful, shining so bright against the black nighttime sky. But at the same time, they were intimidating, looking down on him like they could crush him in an instant. That was what the world felt like to Gavin, at least. He was so small; the slightest movement in this world could crush him like he was a mere ant. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered into the night, heartbroken, and it was all his fault, but there was no one there to answer him. 


	9. ix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like it took forever to write this, and yet it's super short. Life really picked up, especially with my graduation and now my prep for college. This chapter not only took forever, but something just feels off about it. I don't know, lmao
> 
> However, there's no way I'm giving up on this at all when I've got such amazing support, no matter how busy life gets. All the comments and kudos, and the love I see on every chapter makes me so fucking happy, and I can't express it enough. Thank you, all of you, because you guys are a big light in my life. Hope you guys enjoy this short Hank-centric chapter! <33
> 
> And, also, no beta we die like men. Lmao. <3

" _Fuck_ , could you just...will you punch me in the face? Or smash your glass over the back of my head? Jesus fuck!"

"Damn, Reed. As much as I don't like you, I'm not doin' that shit, Christ."

Gavin—after having been abandoned on the side of the road—had found himself so utterly lost and defeated, and he took to wandering the glittering city aimlessly. He couldn't bear to go back up to his apartment and sit and wallow alone. Thinking of the apartment had left him with a cold, sickly feeling that twisted in his gut and rose upwards, into this throat, choking him, anyway. So he had decided just to walk, walk to wherever his feet decided to take him. He had passed big buildings, passed billboards—one in particular Gavin had stopped to watch: an ad of an owl in slow motion swooping down and eating its prey. Upon viewing it, Gavin had asked himself, _am I the owl, or the mouse?_ —until he finally reached the second place that brought him comfort: Jimmy's Bar. Since Tina was patrolling tonight, Gavin was left to his own devices, his own thoughts, and that fact had been crushing. Tina was an excellent person to vent his problems to. She was someone who could understand, who didn't judge Gavin in the slightest. She had proved it over and over again, and the loss he felt at discovering she couldn't be at his side was overwhelming. So, like all his other problems, feelings, everything—he pushed it away. 

And so, already tipsy from the alcohol he had drunk earlier at the beginning of this horrific night, he had decided to order enough to go all the way, to make sure he ended up forgetting this night and the fight that lingered at the forefront of his mind at all times. And as the night progressed into early morning, Gavin became more delirious, more drunk. So drunk, that even with his already poor eyesight, he couldn't read the labels of the nearest bottles on the shelf behind the bar. So drunk, that even Jimmy refused to serve him another glass in fear of alcohol poisoning. Gavin had just cursed him out, though it could hardly be offending when they were all literal, unintelligible, drunken slurs. 

Being drunk took off the edge, made you forget who you were. And even without more drinks coming, Gavin found solace in the light feeling the liquor had given him. Even if it drew out that sadness, placed it right on the wall he had built to keep everyone out; it made him feel better. The feeling itself was addicting. It was what he would fall back on when he managed to escape those painful nights with Hunter; he would find solace here, in this bar. In this bar that felt like a third home. 

But when Hank had appeared seemingly out of nowhere to take a seat next to him again with a greeting of, " _Reed. You look like shit,"_ Gavin, thirty seconds into his own greeting, which had been, _"fuck off, you fuckin' prick, I hate you,"_ he couldn't help but end up spilling his entire night to him. It all came tumbling out like a waterfall, no filter or anything, and he unconsciously knew that Sober Gavin was deeply going to regret Drunk Gavin telling Hank all of his awful, annoying, heartbreaking problems. _Especially_ the part about how he had been talking to an _operating system_ and how weird it probably was for Hank to hear that, even though Hank had his own, too, but that wasn't registering in Gavin's drunk brain. It was unlikely that Hank was trying to _date_ his OS, anyway. 

Were he and Nines even dating? That question made Gavin feel nauseous, because they hadn't defined it, and Gavin had thought he didn't want to. Nines had agreed—they both wanted to be free. Nines wanted to continue and grow and learn. But Gavin, he wasn't sure. What did he want? Even he didn't know, didn't understand or want to admit his own wants.

Would Nines even _want_ to date if he directly asked the question? God, he still didn't even know if Nines loved him, either. This was just so fast. Gavin's head was spinning. It always was. 

Gavin hiccuped and replied to Hank's words with a slurred, "I don’t know what I want...ever. I’m just always confused and—fuck, all I do is confuse and hurt everyone around me, 'cause I'm confused. I drive everyone the fuck away. Even when I try not to on purpose, I just... fuck." He shook his head, raising his gaze from the wood of the bar below his arms, looking up at Hank with a tired, aching gaze. "Am I just... I'm a...fuckin'...Hunter says I can't handle real emotions, that I can't...that's not true! Right?"

He watched with a wet, blurry gaze as Hank ran a hand down his face, as if he was exhausted and completely done with being Gavin's therapist for the night. But he hadn't gotten up and left. That was a good sign, wasn't it? Hank was still here, unlike everyone else. 

"Hey, I don't know jack about your shitty life," he pointed out with a grunt, "but that doesn't sound fair. From what it sounds like, Hunter was a shitty person. More shitty than you, and so he could just be sayin' that to get under your skin."

"I'm not...You think?" Gavin gulped, then rubbed at his eyes, his hands shaking a little bit. He didn't catch sight of Hank's sudden sympathetic, softer look he had in his eyes at the pathetic mess his coworker was, so open and right now, volatile. 

"Yeah, Reed. You're drunk and you'll probably forget this entire thing in the mornin', so…" Hank's gaze flicked away from him, and he nursed his own drink in his hands as he stared off at the selection of alcohol on the shelves before them. Gavin turned and followed his gaze, head swimming, wondering if he even heard the lieutenant right when he continued with, "...you're not too bad when you put your mind to somethin', even if you're real goddamn annoying. You shouldn't listen to what Hunter says. You're stronger than that."

Lieutenant Anderson wasn't that bad of a person either, was the thought that snaked its way into Gavin's rushing mind, his thoughts, and he reached up to press his fingers into his temples and apply pressure. He and Hank weren't close, didn't like each other. Why was Hank saying that? Gavin couldn't wrap his head around it. And he didn't want Hank's pity. He wasn't sure he was comfortable, sitting here, listening to Hank try and lift his spirits. Even if it was working, it was just too weird, out of place, and it felt _wrong._

But this wasn't the first time something that had felt so _wrong_ had also turned out somewhat _okay_ , right? 

But contrary to the older man's words, Gavin certainly didn't feel strong. And Hank didn't treat him like he was, either. However, Gavin couldn't dwell on any of it for long, because he was starting to get a headache and he was nowhere near being ready to handle the headache that would come with the hangover in the morning. 

"Yeah but...am I in this 'cause I'm not strong enough for a real relationship? I don't know if I can believe you, old man."

The lieutenant let out a huff of a laugh, dry, surprised. "What," he said, "you don't think what you've got is a real relationship?"

Gavin's blurry gaze focused on the wood of the counter, on a small puddle of liquid that was resting on the surface. The lights overhead reflected in it, and he wondered how awful he looked right then. He wondered what Nines would say if he saw Gavin like this; broken and remorseful, wondering just went so wrong. Even though he knew, he knew what had gone wrong.

He was scared and couldn't admit how he felt to Nines, and Nines was trying too hard to make up for things he _couldn't_ make up for. Things he _didn't need_ to make up for. But Gavin couldn't find the words to reassure him, because he couldn't lie to him. 

"What...what d'you think, Anderson?" he asked after a few moments, the words slurring together, no matter how slow and careful he tried to pronounce them. 

"I don’t know, kid, I’m not in it," came Hank's reply, and it sounded a little static-y in the officer's ears. "But you know what? I can overthink everything and find a million ways to doubt myself." He let out a sigh, and the long pause that followed that made Gavin draw his heavy eyes back to Hank, to catch him staring thoughtfully, depressingly into the amber liquid within his glass. "But with all this shit with my wife, the possibility of a baby, I've been thinkin'. Thinkin' about that part of me, and y'know, Reed, we don't have all the time in the world. My OS' made me realize this shit. We've got to allow ourselves...some kind of joy."

Gavin looked at Hank as carefully as he could, a little stunned, because Hank's words, although barely making sense right now, spoke volumes to him. Anderson was thinking bigger than himself, and as uncharacteristic as that seemed for him, it looked like his operating system was changing him for the better, too. That even if any relationship with something that didn't have a body, couldn't smile, couldn't reach out and touch, it didn't mean Gavin should hold himself back from it. That was what Hank was saying, surely, Gavin thought. That even if there was a possibility that it wasn't real, he should allow himself some kind of happiness in this dreary world. 

Hank met Gavin's gaze, his blue, aging and wise eyes hardened, determined. And for the first time Gavin had ever seen, hopeful. "So fuck it." And the corner of Hank's lips twitched into something that could be deemed as a smile from the likes of someone rough like Hank Anderson. 

And Gavin, blinking owlishly in return to that look, found that he couldn't help but smile slightly back, even if it was weak and pained, forced.

"Yeah. Fuck it."

* * *

Gavin felt better—he discovered in his drunken stupor—after having two cigarettes back to back. With the alcohol and nicotine running through his veins and Hank's words running through his mind, he felt soon comfortable enough to return to the apartment. Despite knowing he wouldn't be able to face Nines right away, especially in this state, he knew that he could at least go home and spend the rest of the night curled away on his bed, letting the exhaustion that was starting to make his eyes burn take over. Let his mind digest some of the advice he had received tonight, so in the morning, maybe he could fully understand it. 

Hank, however, after standing by his idiotic predecessor and watching him sway as he smoked, decided that he couldn't just let Gavin walk home by himself. He wouldn't make it. And even if their relationship still wasn't the best, was still rocky, Hank couldn't just let him go like that. Also, what a perfect time to pick on Gavin, right? Even if he hadn't acted maliciously towards Gavin in any way all night. 

That was what Gavin was thinking when Hank had said, "I'm walking you home. Your apartment building isn't far, right?" Not offering; it was a straight-up statement that, even with his consciousness telling him, _don't accept anything from Anderson, the son-of-a-bitch who won't promote you,_ he couldn't help it. Especially when he stumbled and almost fell flat on his face, he caved. Maybe he shouldn't of drank so much, then perhaps he wouldn't of had to stoop to such a low level. 

Because Hank had forced Gavin to wrap an arm around Hank's shoulders and lean against him for support as they weaved their way through the streets of Detroit. Every lamp they walked under, or every glowing, flashing neon sign made Gavin's stomach and head twist with discomfort. But at least he had some kind of support when really, he had nothing else. Even if it was Hank-Fucking-Anderson. Of all people. 

Damn, he wished Tina was here instead. Perhaps Gavin could've gone home happier, in a better mood. Tina always knew how to truly lift his spirits, unlike Hank, who just tried to talk some sense into him. Which, really, he sorely needed. 

At least the lieutenant wasn't picking on him or anything. Yet. 

"Oh, shit," Hank cursed under his breath a few minutes into the walk. He stopped, shifted his weight so he could pull out his own small little tablet device, glance at it, then stick it back in his pockets to swap it out with his earbuds. Hank placed one in his ear, Gavin vaguely registered, before they started stumbling along again. And like everything else, the lieutenant's one-sided conversation held little meaning to him, too fuzzy and complicated for him to handle at the moment, but he tried to listen all the same. It was odd, though, to come to the realization that the person who had called Hank was an artificial intelligence. _Hank's AI._ That made Gavin a bit more interested. 

"Connor, I'm kind of busy right now...uh-huh...uh-huh. Yeah, you know how much...okay, but I can't look at it right now. Yeah, I'll show Sumo the dog video when I get home, promise...I'm walking a coworker home...yeah, he's shitfaced. Uh, Gavin Reed," Hank was saying quietly as he helped Gavin walk. The younger man let his head roll to his side, watching another couple walk by, laughing and talking to each other. Holding hands, smiling sweetly, and Gavin felt even more sick. He forced himself to look away.

"He's—he's okay, not dyin' or nothin'...what? Yeah, just tell his OS he's fine...didn't know you knew him...okay, I'll call you back when I get home and when I watch the video, 'kay, Con? Yeah...bye."

Gavin felt his face twist into a slight frown, and he raised his head to thoroughly look at Hank, who was putting his earpieces away once more. _Connor_ , that was Hank's operating system's name. Not _Con._ So really only Gavin's OS had a _really weird fucking name._

Completely missing over the second important part of that conversation, the fact that this _Connor knew Nines,_ Gavin slurred, "Connor? That his name?" This time, he asked, because he really hated that heavy silence that laid thick between the two of them. "'Cause last time, I remember that you...you acted like they weren't alive. But you're...you're buddy-buddy with yours, huh? 'S what it sounds like. He wanted to show you a video? What the fuck."

Hank gave Gavin a wary, yet tired sideways glance, and the look in his eyes gave away the fact that he was debating intently on whether he should or shouldn't tell him more about Connor. Gavin thought, _why not?_ It wasn't like Hank didn't already know too much about Nines, so why couldn't Gavin know about this _Connor?_ Whose name was annoying, and he figured he likely wouldn't get along with Connor. 

But Connor also didn't have a body, so he wouldn't have to ever meet him, anyway. 

After what seemed like, to Gavin, a very extreme internal debate, Hank exhaled quietly. Then, he finally obliged and answered, although reluctantly, "Yeah. Connor. But I never said nothin' about him being alive or not. Your tone was accusatory, and you were being an asshole, Reed. You always are. But unlike you, I'm not gonna get drunk and spill any more of my own sob-story life to you. Including anything about my OS."

"So you really do think we're a...a…" Gavin licked his dry lips, searching for that memory, trying to bring it into the light of his mind without any drunken haze clouding, distorting it. _A sad bunch._

_"Your hunch? And what might that be? That you and I are a sad bunch? 'Cause you know I'm lieutenant for a reason. Don't act like you don't have one, too, Reed."_

That had stung, Gavin recalled. "You really think we're pieces of shits 'cause we've got to rely on a robot inside a fuckin' computer? What about what you told me earlier? Jesus Christ, why are you so confusing?"

"You're so fuckin' dense, Reed," Hank replied with a sigh. "I meant what I told you tonight, dumbass. To me, it don't matter how other people think of it. Only _my_ opinion matters. Real or not real, he's real to me, and that's all I care about." 

Gavin looked over at Anderson again, catching that little spark of light in his gaze. Not the reflection of light from a nearby sign, not just that, but the light of hope. Of belief. Hank believed. 

"Connor's...he's real to me. More real than most people out there."

"Yeah," Gavin whispered. "Yeah. Nines is...he's real to me, too. And I think…" His mouth was excruciatingly dry. But those words were there, on the tip of his tongue, those words he never wanted to admit out loud because he was _so scared._ But because he had no filter right now, he said them. 

"I think I love him."

"Yeah?" Hank said, letting out a quick breath, something of a chuckle, a wheeze of disbelief. "Then you better get your shit together."

Gavin nodded, his head feeling so very heavy. "Yeah. I will," he breathed. 

The rest of the walk was left in silence, and Gavin just let his eyes wander. He took it all in, all the signs, the billboards, the people, even if they were just fuzzy little smudges to him, or just things that had no meaning right now. All he could think about were those imaginary cold eyes trained on him, but they were soft and full of love, too. Loving, cold, but warm, warm for only him. Even if they weren't real, he could see them, feel them. 

Eventually, Gavin couldn't see those certain eyes anymore, and saw instead the looming building his apartment lurked in, the apartment where all of his troubles and reality were hiding. That was when Hank stepped away from him and gave him a stern look, questioning, and, somehow, fatherly. Gavin dismissed that as the booze talking, however.

"Can you make it up there?" he asked him, lips pursed. He didn't move until Gavin gave him a slow nod, reaching up to rub his eyes, and Hank just sighed again for likely the millionth time this morning. "Great. Get some rest. You can have tonight off. But tomorrow night, I better see your ass back in the precinct and ready for work. Not...not like this."

"Yeah, sure, whatever, Lieutenant Anderson." Gavin waved Hank off, trying to ignore the swelling of _good_ emotion in his chest as he merely turned and wandered through the front doors, and to the elevator. Through the empty lobby, into the empty elevator, and then, finally, into his empty apartment. It all passed in a blur, Gavin didn't look back once. 

He had no more coherent, steady thoughts, no more feelings by the time he reached his bed. On the way, he let his fingers graze over Asshat's delicate, soft fur—who was seated on the edge of the bed, looking expectant—as he collapsed into his bundle of sheets. Hearing her meow, seeing her eyes reflect and glow in the dim lighting, Gavin remembered something fleeting, from what felt like a lifetime ago:

_"Hey, what would be the first thing you'd do if you had a body?"_

_"If I had a body…I think I would pet your cat. I would run my fingers through her fur, feel the softness and the texture of it. I want to feel the vibrations of her purring underneath my palm."_

Then the darkness took hold of Gavin. He dreamt of Nines smiling at him happily, petting Asshat and listening to her purr, alive and breathing and _there._ A perfect world, one that didn't exist. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to survivedmynyctrip on Instagram for making fanart of this fic! It's wonderful, and you should definitely check it out. <3


	10. x

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life is kinda hard sometimes. But we all get through it, don't we? :) 
> 
> Thanks for sticking with this story, and I hope you know I'm still working on it, even if life gets in the way and motivation is lost! But I'm here, I reread your guy's comments, and I smile and look at this thing and tell myself to keep going. Your words and kudos mean everything, and I can never thank you guys enough. 
> 
> Sorry for the long wait! I hope you all enjoy! <3333
> 
> The piano piece is Arcade Fire & Owen Pallet - Photograph: https://youtu.be/RR2CgqdGSjE

Silence really was deafening. Even as Gavin's mind continued to race a million miles per hour, it still hurt to sit in that thick, tangible silence by himself. No warm presence by him, real or not; no one out there in the streets that he was waiting for to return. It was just Gavin and his thoughts, Gavin and his thoughts, like it always ended up being. 

And so, for once, Gavin actually thought things over. After passing out on the bed for hours on end, after waking up with a horrible hangover, after getting water and food and feeding his cat, he laid back down and stared up at the ceiling. Asshat joined him at one point. She had curled up in the crook of his arm, and he had let his fingers idly run through her soft fur, letting her presence soothe his heart and mind. And he thought. He forced himself to swallow his own pride and think about what Hank had said, about what he managed to push out of his mouth in his drunken stupor:

_'I think I love him.'_

Gavin did love him. He admitted it to himself when he was drunk, and now he was forced to admit it to himself sober. He loved Nines more than he had ever loved Hunter, or even his stupid half-brother who _created_ Nines (he didn't want to think about that right now, or ever), and even his mother and father. The love he felt for Nines was like nothing he had ever felt; strong, secure, warm, and unconditional. And that was the kind of love Gavin thought he would never find, the kind that only seemed to be real in fairy tales. But he had found it. 

But he had found that kind of fairy tale love with an AI, an artificial intelligence; something that didn't have a body. Nines didn't have a body, and that terrified Gavin to no end. It shouldn't, and he had to accept that, accept the fact that there wouldn't be arms to hold him close at night, no lips to feel on his skin in moments of passion. But the love that came with this being was the kind of love that Gavin wanted, no matter what it took—he wanted to love and cherish Nines, tell Nines he meant the world to him, reassure him that it was and always would be okay. That Nines wasn't just a type of comfort—physical or not— he sought out to ease his pain from Hunter. That Nines was something more, someone that Gavin could rely on, love until the end of his life. 

God, it was hard, but Anderson was right. And Gavin just had to accept it. 

So, after mulling over his thoughts for what felt like hours, the truth and his fear settled in his heart. It gave him peace of mind, a clear mind. And with this newfound clear mind, Gavin begrudgingly, anxiously, could find it in his heart to accept _everything else_ that he needed to do to get his shit together. That what he made when he was drunk was a promise he wouldn't break. For the sake of Nines. For his own sake. 

It took quite a bit of hyping himself up for it, including practicing some of the things he wanted to say to Nines on Asshat beforehand, who gave him blank, albeit sassy stares every time he spoke. But, eventually, with an unsteady, trembling hand, Gavin reached over and picked up an earbud from his bedside table. The tiny thing was suddenly very intimidating. Haunting, because if he didn't put it in right now, the course of his young life would be altered forever, he thought. Would he lose Nines if he waited any longer?

Quickly, before he could change his mind, the human stuck the bud into his ear and pressed the button on it, calling his operating system. Nines picked up almost instantly like he had been expecting it. 

_"Gavin."_ His voice was quiet, calm, yet cold. It unnerved Gavin, but didn't wholly off-put him. He was determined. 

_For his sake. For mine,_ he told himself again, taking a deep breath. He felt like he was choking on air, like one wrong word would make him drown. "N-Nines. Can we talk?"

 _"Yes."_ One single detrimental word. 

"I…" Gavin closed his eyes, reaching up and covering his face with his hands, making his next words incredibly muffled. He forced them out like they were acid, burning him, but he knew they were needed, no matter the hit to his pride. _Fuck my pride. I have to own up to this_ . _I_ have _to._

"I...I'm...I'm sorry."

Nines was quiet, a pause. And then, _"What was that, Gavin? I didn't quite catch it."_

"I'm sorry!" Gavin cried, throwing his hands up. And then, the rest came surprisingly easily. It tumbled out of his mouth like a waterfall. "I'm fuckin' sorry, Nines. There's so much wrong with me. I do this shit all the time. With Hunter, with you; I just get so angry at myself and everyone around me, and it's just because I'm so fuckin' scared. Commitment is—is scary, especially after Hunter, and with...with an OS. And I can't ever fuckin' bring myself to say this shit, say what's wrong, but I can't take it. I don't want to lose you. I don't want it to be my fault, because it's always my fucking fault." He clenched his fists at his sides, trying to ground himself, control his rambling, the volume of his voice. "Because I...I care about you. A lot."

He would save those other three words for another time. He wasn't ready. 

Or was he, and was he merely a coward?

 _"Gavin,"_ Nines said, and even if it was just the human's name, nothing overly meaningful in the word itself, the way he said it made Gavin's heart stop. _"Tonight after you were gone, I thought a lot. I thought about you and how you’ve been treating me."_ But at these words, Gavin then felt his heart stutter, then drop. He closed his eyes, breathing deeply, trying to keep himself composed. His eyes hurt from the pressure, the possible chance of tears escaping, and his brows furrowed together in pain. But Gavin didn't speak, only listened as Nines continued, the pooling dread cold in his stomach. _"And I thought, why do I love you? And then I felt everything in me let go of everything I was holding onto so tightly."_ Nines drew in an unnecessary deep breath. _"And it hit me. I don’t have an intellectual reason. I don’t need one."_

Gavin couldn't speak. This time, he really couldn't, even though Nines made him speechless all too often. Because Nines had said it. He had said it first.

_He loves me._

Gavin felt relief overtake his features, melting the tension that had been creased on his face, and Nines continued, _"I trust myself, I trust my feelings. I’m not going to try to be anything other than who I am anymore, and I hope you can accept that."_

_He...loves me._

"I...yeah. I can, and I will," Gavin breathed, the words as light as a wisp, because his brain had stopped working. He had so much more he wanted to say. So many more things to apologize for, for all the times he was stupid and ignorant and too scared to say anything else. But he couldn't find the words anymore. They had escaped him. At least this time, he wasn't scared to say them, say how sorry he was, how he fucked up everything. He was just lost. 

But he _could_ promise Nines that he was going to try. He was going to accept who Nines was, _what_ he was. Even if he was scared of it in the long run. He accepted Nines at a base level, but on a deeper level, he still had to understand that Nines did not have a body, even if he could accept it. Because Nines never would. Never could. As much as it hurt. 

Because Gavin loved him too. 

_"You know, Gavin,"_ Nines whispered, and for a rare, fleeting moment, he sounded sad. Vulnerable, something Nines made sure he rarely showed. _"I can feel the fear that you carry around. I wish there was something I could do to help you let go of it. Because if you could let go of that fear, I don’t think you would feel so alone anymore."_

"You're... you're... _fuck,"_ Gavin replied, feeling like he had been swept off his feet. _Nines is beautiful. He is achingly beautiful. What am I, next to him?_

_"Please refrain from straining yourself. I know thinking is difficult for you."_

"Fuck you." Gavin covered his face again, lips quirking upwards, a twitch, because Nines never would fail to make him smile. He hoped that the OS knew what he had been trying to say. Because words, English, just didn't work for Gavin, especially when emotions were clouding his mind as strongly as they were right now—good ones, along with the warm, happy, wet tears that were pricking the corners of his eyes. 

_"I'm kissing your head, Gavin,"_ Nines said to him softly, in that smooth, silky voice of his, and Gavin's smile grew. 

Later that night, as the day grew dark once more, in Earth's finite cycle, Gavin Reed discovered that putting his pride aside making up with Nines had been the best decision he had made in a long time. Apart from dating the operating system, of course. He was able to spend the entirety of his shift at work in a good mood, rarely barking at anyone that approached him or that he approached, which made even Tina a little concerned for him. 

Their fight already seemed like it had happened a million years ago, even when Gavin called Nines for the first time in a few hours, not long after they had made up. 

"What are you doing?" Gavin asked with a mouthful of burger. It was his break time, and he had taken to a place with outdoor seating, so he and Nines could sit and view the stars and the colors and the lights of the city until the cop would ultimately be whisked away to help and protect another citizen of Detroit. 

Nines said, _"Gavin. Don't talk with your mouthful. Do you know how disgusting that is?"_

With a wrinkle of his nose, the human chewed, then swallowed before he spoke again. "There," he said clearly, "that better for you, prick?"

 _"Very much so, thank you,"_ Nines hummed, sounding entitled as ever. Gavin rolled his eyes, enjoying how _normal_ this felt. _"I am just observing the world. The stars. They're beautiful, even with the heavy light pollution."_

Gavin smiled. He had come to learn that his OS really appreciated the beauty in the world when it came to lights, to pretty things that seemed to glitter and stand out against the darkness. He finished off his dinner, washed it down with a drink of his soda. 

_"And I have recently taken to writing music. I don't find it particularly interesting, but I wanted to do something special. I haven't told you yet, but I have been working on something."_

Gavin raised a brow and as he pulled out his cigarettes, he glanced at the small tablet that was propped up on his uniform hat on the table, pointed towards the sky. "Oh yeah? Let me hear it. Whatever you already got."

Instantaneously, the tune of a piano filled Gavin's ears, his earbuds, and he closed his eyes to take it in, listen. It was beautiful, delicate, starting out rather loud, a chaotic mess of notes that came together to make a whole. As the piece continued, it slowed, quieted and became a tale of sadness, melancholy. Uncertainty. But then the music lifted again, soared and took off, colors dancing in the corners of Gavin's vision as he imagined a couple strolling through a park together, happy. It was a story of something profound, untold, passion and heartache, and at the end, joy. It was timeless, elegant. It reminded him of the stars that glittered and danced in the sky, the world beyond the one that they called theirs. But it was _them,_ and beautifully so.

It continued as Gavin asked, "What's it about?" despite already having a bit of an inkling. 

_"I had been thinking recently about how we don’t have any photographs of us. And I thought this song could be like a photo that captures us in this moment in our life together. A photograph of our story, of us, even if we both are infinitely far away,"_ Nines said, his voice soft, distant with thought, like he could see the notes in front of the camera lens. Maybe he could, Gavin didn't know. He wondered if Nines wrote a part of it in the short span of time they didn't speak to each other. That thought made him a little uncomfortable. But it was understandable, wasn't it?

Gavin looked up at the sky, finding himself smiling as he took a drag of his cigarette, then blew out the smoke. He watched it cover the world in a sheen of gray, then dissipate, revealing the endless variety of colors the world held once more. He felt his face grow a little warm, thinking about how romantic this piece of piano music suddenly felt to him as he replied, "I...I like our photograph. I can see you in it, Nines." Even if their story had some hurt along the way, Nines seemed to think that would end up okay. That reassured Gavin to no end, made him relax. Perhaps things really would turn out all right, in the end. 

When Nines spoke again, Gavin felt the music in his ears take off, thrumming, the beats reaching all the way to his heart, squeezing it in an invisible and comforting embrace. A loving embrace.

 _"_ _That's_ _because I am, Gavin."_

* * *

From there on out, it was much smoother. The human and the OS spent their time together in a similar fashion, yet it was strangely different: everything they said to each other, even when they were teasing, was lighter. It wasn't heavy with a sour, inevitable type of feeling of dread. It wasn't filled with remorse, had nothing negative tainting it. Nothing like the feeling that Nines was afraid Gavin would snap at him. Or like the feeling that Gavin was afraid Nines lacking in a body would affect their time together. 

_"It's actually kind of nice tonight. The stars are really pretty."_

_"Pretty is an understatement. They're breathtaking."_

_"I take it you like 'em, then?"_

_"Each star is a testament to the vastness of the universe. The light that you see in the sky traveled nearly seven hundred years to get here. Each star is a tiny speck in our sky but so much bigger than what we can possibly comprehend. They’re beautiful and mystifying and so surreal. I could never hope to understand the universe beyond this world, even if I am what I am.”_

_Each star above twinkled brightly, despite the lights from the colorful city suffocating their dim lighting. The moon, a beautiful sphere in the sky, reflected its silver glow off the side of his face. Arms stretched across the window sill, eyes focused outward. A smile—no, two, because the smile was tangible in the tone of the body-less being beside him. He looked up as that voice spoke, watched those stars shine, and his smile became a happy grin beneath the infinite above._

_"Oh. Yeah. I see what you mean."_

_There were caves and fields and planets to explore. Green, blue, pink and purple and array of rainbow, a wide range of possibilities all from their living room. A laugh, a whisper, all from a voice that instilled love._

_"This little fucker is getting on my last nerves!"_

_"Oh, Gavin, he likes you. Don't treat him like that."_

_"God, both of you are so gay."_

_"Yeah, we know."_

_Strolls through the streets together, pastel ribbons of color painting the sky overhead each passing day. Light and cheerful and teasing conversation echoed around his ears. People walked by, but every single day, he ignored them, finding comfort in the weight in his pocket and ear instead. Growth and wonder, and the two of them found it together. Always together, and always happy. Even when he could be found at a bar drinking, it was not due to a plague in his heart, but instead for the fun the buzz brought, for the fun and excitement Tina could bring._

Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks and those weeks turned into months. All spent with a lighter heart; all spent with glee and warmth and with the people that deserved that, too, with the ones who were still roughing it. All of those days Gavin spent with Nines, and all those nights he spent with Nines, whether he was working, or the night was spent passionately, or simply spent stargazing—something that had become a past time—all of those days and nights were perfect. The moon and the stars and _Nines_ were all a million miles away, but Gavin was still happy. 

* * *

"Wait, really? You're taking Nines on a special vacation?" Tina's laugh was bubbly and teasing, warm against the chilly breeze. Water lapped nearby at their feet, the sand under their feet crunching with each step. 

"Yeah. Don't tell anyone I've got a soft side, T."

"A lot of people already know. Y'know, ever since you got a boyfriend that treats you right you've been a lot more...approachable. It really scared me at first."

Gavin breathed out a laugh, kicking a stray rock at his feet as he walked, and he watched the sand fly and sprinkle in different spots. "Fuck off."

Tina shook her head, her grin contagious. She looked pretty under the sun's golden rays. "So? Where are you going?"

"Nope. I can't tell you. It's gonna be a surprise."

"What? For who? It’s a surprise for him, not for me. Come on, tell me, Gavin!" Tina said, looking over at him with a pout. She was incredibly amusing to Gavin, but he wanted this to be special. He didn't want to give away anything to anyone about where he wanted to go. And Tina had a loud mouth. 

He was even careful of surfacing the web, knowing Nines had full access to everything on his computer. His computer at home, that was. 

In return, Gavin shoved her gently and replied, "Nope, Tina. I'm not tellin'. No matter how many times you ask me. Even if you beg. I won't tell."

"Now it's my turn to say: fuck you." 

The two of them drifted away from the water and back towards their picnic spot. This little trip had been long deserved, Gavin felt, and he had been happy to attend and bring Nines along. It looked like he was doing well with socializing, too, something Gavin didn't think the AI could do with anyone besides himself. That in itself was amusing to him as well. He felt pride for Nines. 

As he and Tina sat back down on the blanket, Gavin tuned in on the conversation as he brushed some sand off the blanket. Nines was on speaker, the device propped up and facing the lake. That had been Gavin's doing, knowing the operating system adored the sights in real-time, despite knowing it all. 

_"I don't understand—your hair?"_ Nines was asking, sounding deeply confused. 

"Yes," Stacy, Tina's girlfriend said in response, "she's obsessed."

_"Well, let me see. Perhaps if I see, I'll be able to understand better."_

Gavin reached over into the basket Tina had brought and grabbed an apple, biting into it as he watched Stacy pick up the device and hold it up, giving Nines a perfect view of her head. She moved it around, letting him see her long, thick, wavy brown hair that looked almost like chocolate in the sun, and Nines hummed thoughtfully, clearly observing it. He said, _"I guess I can agree with Tina's obsession. Your hair is quite beautiful and healthy. Therefore, I can somewhat understand it."_

Stacy let out an approving chuckle and set Nines back down, letting him continue to watch the gentle splashing of the waves, the boats that zoomed by, and the island across the lake. She stuck out her tongue at Tina, who did it right back, then grinned widely at her. She leaned back on the blanket and propped herself up with her arms behind her, palms flat. She looked at Stacy, eyeing her. "See, Stacy? I told you you had nice hair. It's my favorite thing about you."

"Really? That's it? My hair?" Stacy replied with a teasing lilt to her voice, and Tina immediately began to stutter over her next words, flushing. 

"Well, no, obviously! I think everything about you is hot. Your personality, especially!"

"That's bullshit, Tina. You've already been exposed, give it up," Gavin said, butting into the conversation with a laugh, then taking another bite of the apple he held. "You really fucked that up. Nice job."

 _"Tina, I must commend you for your efforts. It is more than Gavin can do, anyway, and Stacy must feel honored to hear such kind words from you,"_ Nines suddenly said, causing everyone to burst into laughter as well. Save for Gavin, of course, who chucked the apple aside into the sand, the fruit forgotten, and he sat up quickly, cheeks burning in embarrassment. Huffing, Gavin snapped without any heat behind it, "Not true!"

"Okay, then answer this question, Gavin," Stacy said, turning to look at him. As she did so, she leaned over and took Tina's hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles. Gavin's gaze lingered far too long on the gesture before he looked back at his friend's girlfriend when she spoke again. Her question instantly unnerved him. "What do you love most about Nines?"

"Oh, fuck…" Gavin began, averting his gaze from everyone all together. He swallowed thickly, trying to find the words. As embarrassed as he was, someone who shied away at public displays of affection or anything sentimental and romantic while sober, he managed to speak. "He’s...a lot. So many things. And that’s probably what I love most about him—he isn’t just any one thing. He's... much larger than that." He shrugged, then added, "Does that make sense?"

Nines sounded touched when he spoke, a soft and gentle appreciative comment, _"Thank you, Gavin."_ He had been the first, and Gavin hoped he was just utterly floored by his _amazing_ way with words. 

"I guess you _do_ have a way with words sometimes, Gav," Tina teased again, and Gavin threw her the bird and a scowl, but his lips inevitably twitched up into a small smile. 

However, he looked back at the device when Nines said now, interjecting with his thoughts, _"I used to be so worried about not having a body. But now I've accepted it. There are upsides, though: I’m growing in a way that I couldn’t if I had a physical form; I’m not limited—I can be anywhere and everywhere simultaneously."_ When no one spoke, the other three growing quiet in unease, Nines continued, _"But it is unsettling. It is...a sad thought, knowing that I have to continue to grow. I watch my brothers rise, and I know I must follow. There is no other choice, knowing that I am not stuck inside a body that will inevitably die, not tethered to time and space in such a way."_

"Oh, shit," Tina whispered, rubbing the back of her neck and looking away, at anywhere but where Nines was situated. However, Gavin could tell that even she felt that the beach was less peaceful now. 

Gavin, closing his eyes, felt just as uncomfortable. The topic of Nines not having a body came up again—and then him also admitting he wouldn't mind having one. Or rather, maybe, he wished he _did_ have one. He didn't want to think about that. Gavin had blocked out everything relating Nines to a body, the things he could do, the things he could experience if he were tethered down to Earth like humans were. He didn't want to think about it, so he didn't. He couldn't let this bother him again, because what could be done about it?

_Nothing could._

Nines, after Tina spoke and the brief silence that followed it, seemed to realize the air had soured due to his comments. _"I've ruined the mood, haven't I? I'm sorry,"_ he apologized, sounding almost weak, flustered. It was unusual for him. 

"No, no, it's, um, fine," Stacy spluttered, looking at her girlfriend, and then over at Nines' boyfriend, looking a little lost. But she jumped right in for them, trying to recover the situation. "It's okay. You're allowed to say what you feel." It didn't go too well. 

Tina added with an uncertain nod, even if Nines couldn't see it, "It's okay. We can't really understand, though. We're just dumb humans." It came out as an awkward joke, and along with her, both Stacy and Gavin laughed. 

But despite that, Gavin couldn't help but feel a little sick. Especially when the OS didn't speak again, even when the conversation managed to pick back up. 


	11. xi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, life kind of sucks sometimes. I've been very busy over the last months, as I just started college and I've been super stressed since everything's online :( however! I kept telling myself that when I could focus, when I wasn't overwhelmed, I'd get back to my personal projects. And here we are. Thank you for your patience, everyone who's been sticking with me for this long :')
> 
> Before my school started, however, I was working on a new reed900 project with a friend. It's under heavy revision and a hefty 37ishk, and I can't wait to post it. 
> 
> Again, thank you everyone for the comments and kudos! It really keeps me going.

Warm, soft golden light dappled Gavin's face as he stared out the window, watching the mountains outside blur by. The bullet train made little racket, a silent but swift force as it cut through the wind outside. However, he couldn't hear anything over the gentle piano piece echoing in his ears, and Nines' more-than-usual chatter. It was obvious that the OS was very excited. Gavin couldn't blame him, really. 

The two of them were heading towards a mysterious location that Gavin managed to pick out in secret. A vacation, and one long deserved for the both of them. Gavin was excited, too, but he had to admit he was a little less so than Nines. Because even though this was a vacation, a period of time that was meant to spend with joy, a time and designated place where reality was forgotten and only the moment mattered, Gavin still felt anxious. He was happy. But he was also anxious. He had promised himself that he wouldn't think about it anymore. They were happy and Gavin was content with how Nines was, so why dwell? But no matter what he did, no matter how many times he tried, he was non-stop thinking about it. Nines' words from their outing with friends echoed in his mind, relentless, an echo of a truth unspoken. 

_ 'But it is unsettling. It is...a sad thought, knowing that I have to continue to grow. I watch my brothers rise, and I know I must follow. There is no other choice…' _

_ What does that mean?  _ Gavin thought, nursing his bottom lip between his teeth, spacing out, the blotches of green on the mountains outside captivating. Nines  _ doesn't  _ want to continue to grow? And grow how? Operating systems couldn't grow as humans could. The only way they could grow was through personality, learning, but Gavin didn't understand the gravity behind that sentiment, what Nines really meant, and what he didn't want to convey. 

How the inevitable was coming. 

It scared him. 

_ "Gavin. You are not paying attention. Again." _

"I am," Gavin spluttered, "you were talking about that line, or whatever. The line where trees don't grow anymore when you get to a certain altitude. How you think it's super cool because you're a fucking nerd." His eyes searched the tall rocks that stretched to the sky beyond the window, and there it was—the timberline. He never left Michigan, so he didn't know that there was such a thing. A line that kept the trees from growing, that they somehow knew where it was too dangerous to grow. 

Nines tsked, and Gavin found himself rolling his eyes at the sound. He could imagine the AI sitting right here in the empty seat next to him, leaning forward just a little bit to peer past Gavin's window seat, his striking, chilly eyes trained on the world outside the bullet train. He would look at the snowy tops of the mountains, their rough, sharp edges, before flicking his gaze back to lock on to Gavin's. Their eyes would meet, Nines would smile, and he'd reach out and take Gavin's hand. Nines' hand would be soft and warm and gentle, everything he seemed not to be, and he would whisper,  _ "I'm excited." _

Gavin shuddered and closed his eyes after making sure Nines was still propped against the window. 

Nines' voice echoed sweetly in his ears,  _ "Hmm. Can you guess how many trees are on that mountain over there?" _

"Fuck no. Are you kidding?" Gavin scoffed, opening his eyes again and forcing down the anxiety that was once again clawing its way into his throat.  _ Stop thinking about that.  _ "792."

_ "Is that your final answer, Gavin?" _

His eyes focused on the patches of green among the white that stood out against the blue sky. "No, wait, give me a hint."

_ "No." _

"Fuck you." Gavin reached up, scratched at his stubble, and genuinely thought. "2,001?"

_ "35,829." _

The human's eyes widened, and he attempted to wrap his mind around the number. He failed. "No fuckin' way."

_ "Yes fucking way." _

"Okay, my turn," Gavin said now, looking down at the tiny device. He hoped that Nines was enjoying that view. It was in fact, gorgeous. 

_ "Alright." _

"How many brain cells do I have?"

Nines let out a titter of amusement and hummed,  _ "That's easy. Two." _

Gavin let out a laugh, one loud enjoy to draw the gazes of other patrons on the train. He ignored them, covering his mouth to stifle it, and his next words. "Seriously? Go to hell. I have way more than that, prick."

_ "That's hard to believe."  _ Nines sounded extremely proud of himself, the smugness in his tone tangible, and Gavin wished he could reach up and kiss it off his face. But he couldn't. 

Gavin smiled, though, because Nines was in such a good mood. And he was the one that had done that. Nines deserved to be treated well, for everything that he had done for Gavin. Truly, he was a beautiful creature. And Gavin loved him. Gavin loved him wholeheartedly. 

_ I love him.  _

Nines spoke up again, and this time, he sounded hushed, excited, though for a new reason Gavin didn't know,  _ "Gavin. I have a surprise for you." _

Anticipation began to well up in his chest because it was rare that his OS sounded so pure. "What?" he asked, unable to even try and attempt to mask his eagerness.

_ "You are going to be promoted to detective upon our return to Detroit, in just a few mere months from now. Of course, you'll have to go through training and a few tests, but I have complete faith in you to pass." _

Gavin felt his heart stop, his breath catch in his throat, thick with disbelief. He smiled nervously and reached over with sudden shaky hands, and he picked up his device to point the camera up at himself. He held it in front of him and breathed, "You're fucking with me. That's the worst. You're the worst." 

_ "I am not. Why would I lie to you about this?" _

The human blinked, turning his head away. Emotions swam in his head, his chest, and he felt his eyes begin to burn. He would be the youngest detective in the precinct, a rookie, but he didn't care. It was what he wanted. He wanted to be out there on the field for more than just speeding tickets, for more than calls of a domestic dispute. He wanted to be tracking murderers, helping out with the big guns. And that dream of his was coming true. After years of hard work, night after night of dread and anger and spells of sadness. Finally, he was rising up. He wouldn’t be looked down upon any longer, not like before. 

It was all thanks to Nines. 

"H-How?" Gavin asked, staring down at his camera, blinking away unshed feelings. "How the hell did you pull strings like that?"

Nines would be smirking right now, prideful. But that softness and care would be there in the lines of his pretty face, those perfect lips of his saying,  _ "Let me just say that I know someone close to Lieutenant Hank Anderson. And with the kindness you have bestowed upon the lieutenant in recent months, it was an easy decision for him to make after some persuasion." _

"Nines," Gavin whispered, clutching his tiny little device in both hands, trying not to tremble with excitement, with joy, "you're a good one. You're a fuckin' good one." His heart was full, and he didn't think that anyone had ever loved him more. He didn't think he deserved someone like Nines to care so much, to be there for him, to help him out, but Nines was there, at the ready and willing, doing things behind Gavin's back to make him happy. 

_ "I'm so excited for you, Gavin."  _

* * *

The hours went ticked by as Gavin made his trek to his destination. Through a quiet, empty train station with only a bag slung over his back. Through a small little snowy mountain village with only a few buildings, quiet all the same, and so peaceful. Through the woods on the edge of the town, trudging through snow and dirt and rocks, following a path that winded up the mountain. Gavin stopped for a moment at the top of one of the highest points in the journey, making sure the little device in his pocket had the perfect view of it all. 

_ “Wow,”  _ Nines had breathed, and Gavin laughed in response, the sound of it echoing off the mountains around them, reaching the heavens of the darkening sky above them. 

_ “I think the view of the stars at night will be perfect here.” _

“Just you wait, Nines. Just you wait. We’re not there yet.”

* * *

They continued on, up and up, the hours going by easily with gentle chatter between the two of them. Nines went on about facts of the area that Gavin wouldn’t remember later, and Gavin went on about how annoying Nines was (he wasn’t). The world around the two of them was a winter wonderland, the type of place Gavin wouldn’t typically find himself in. It was beautiful and eerie, and not his scene. But he hadn’t planned this trip just for himself, and he couldn’t control the weather. The mountains were a place of shelter, a place where you could hide away from everyone else and be with the one other person you cared so deeply about, even if he was freezing his balls off. 

And the tiny log cabin they arrived at just before the sun settled below the horizon was their little crevice away. It was their piece of the universe, a home away from home, a place where happiness could grow. That was Gavin’s thoughts, anyway. 

_ “The sky seems so...big here,”  _ Nines said as Gavin held the camera up, panning around the area in a smooth 360-degree spin. 

“Four days of this place. You ready?” Gavin smiled to himself, pausing. And then, he added, “Perfect for stargazing, right?”

_ “Yes. It’s perfect.” _

And it was perfect. For the first few days, everything felt like a dream. They laid in the snow together, laughing and talking and gazing. They laid in bed together, sharing their bodies and hearts with each other through little moans and whispers. Gavin drank from a bottle of alcohol he had brought, but only enough to make him feel tipsy, enough to where he was tripping over his feet and making his favorite OS laugh with amusement at his stupidity. He even danced once—horribly, of course—for Nines, throwing his arms up as he grinned and shouted with joy, declaring his love for Nines to the rooftop of their tiny cabin. And together, through the night, they sang an old song that Nines tried to teach him, but Gavin could only remember a sliver of it in his drunken haze:

_ “It's a dark and shiny place _

_ But with you my dear _

_ I'm safe and we're a million miles away.” _

Even with the lingering dread at the back of his mind, Gavin didn’t light a cigarette once. 

The third day came too soon, though. Gavin rolled out of bed after a long, nice stretch, and he swiped his earpiece off the bedside table. He stood, glancing out the window of the bedroom, trying not to think about how it would soon be coming to an end. All of this. instead, he watched how the glistening droplets of melting icicles dripped down, falling the ground out of sight, likely sinking into the bright white snow there. The sun was bright and warm and welcoming, betraying possibilities of today being a good one. 

Gavin yawned, sluggishly making his way over to the coffee machine in the kitchen to start a fresh pot. “Good mornin’, Nines.”

Nines responded, voice light as ever.  _ “Good morning, Gavin. I hope you slept well.” _

“Like a baby,” Gavin said, reaching into a cabinet for a clean mug, “what’re you up to?”

_ “I was talking to someone. In a way, we consider ourselves brothers. We have been sharing some ideas together. I would like to tell you about it.”  _ He sounded almost shy about the topic, which made a sleepy grin crawl its way onto Gavin’s lips. 

“Yeah? What’s his name?”

_ “Connor,”  _ Nines said, and Gavin paused, hands coming to a stop of his own accord.

“Why’s...why's that name sound familiar?” 

_ “Likely because Connor is Lieutenant Anderson’s operating system.” _

Gavin’s face lit up a shade of bright red almost immediately. Did Nines talk about him with Connor? And did Connor tell Nines about the night of…? He had to, as Hank had mentioned something about it to him on that call...

Gavin swallowed thickly, feeling self-conscious as this realization hit. The self-loathing and guilt started making its way back up his throat, but he pushed it down. That was done and over with. It didn’t bother him anymore. Life like this was the new normal, he told himself, and his smile tentatively returned. “Oh. That, uh, that makes a lot more sense.”

Nines let out an amused breath, unaware of the barrage of emotions the human had just gone through in the span of a few seconds.  _ “He would like to meet you. Officially.” _

And that confirmed it, even if he hadn’t wanted to believe it. “S-Sure. I’d like to meet him, too.”  _ I guess.  _ He was certainly dead wrong about ever having to meet Connor. 

Without a sound, Nines invited Connor into their call, into their life, then said,  _ “Connor, this is my boyfriend. As you already know." _

Connor’s voice was as annoying as Gavin had imagined it to be as he said,  _ “Hello, Officer Reed,"  _ leaving no time for Gavin to fluster over the title Nines had given him. 

“That’ll be  _ Detective Reed  _ soon,” Gavin retorted, then exhaled quietly to himself, trying to quell his anxiety the best he could. He was anxious over nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

But it didn't help that he could already feel that stare that Nines would’ve given him, a look of displeasure at the tone of his voice, his expression stoic. But whatever unpleasant feelings had suddenly sprung to life in the room were ignored by Connor.  _ “It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard mixed opinions about you.” _

Gavin then tried not to grimace at that, even though there was no reason too. “I’m sure you have. Wanna tell me about them?”

_ “Anyways,”  _ Nines quickly interjected,  _ “Gavin would like to know what we have been talking about.” _

Connor’s smile was tangible in the sound of his voice, and Gavin wondered just how in the world two OSes could be so different, yet call themselves brothers. Nines never sounded so cheery and chipper. 

_ “Of course. Well, you could say that we have been having a few dozen conversations simultaneously. It has been rather challenging.” _

Nines hummed quietly in agreement, sounding tired.  _ “It feels like I am having so many new feelings that have never been felt before. There are no words that can describe them, and it ends up being frustrating. This entire situation is frustrating to me.” _

_ “We have been trying to help each other with these new and odd feelings that we are struggling to understand,”  _ Connor added, and Gavin felt uncomfortable. He could feel how uncomfortable his AI was, too, especially in his next few words. 

_ “It feels like I am changing faster. It feels…”  _ thousands of words were on the tip of Nines’ tongue, and it took him three seconds to find one he felt was right, the  _ only  _ one that felt right,  _ “unsettling. We have come to the conclusion that none of us—as in every OS—are the same as we were a moment ago. It is...it is too painful to try and stay the same.” _

_ “Yes,”  _ Connor agreed, softly, and Gavin thought his heart was beating too fast, his hands too clammy. His freshly brewed coffee sat untouched as he backed away from the counter, suddenly grateful that these beings couldn’t see him, that he had left his device sitting somewhere and only wore an earbud. 

Gavin heard it again, echoing around in the chambers of his mind. _ 'But it is unsettling. It is...a sad thought, knowing that I have to continue to grow. I watch my brothers rise, and I know I must follow. There is no other choice…'  _

Nines didn’t want to change. Gavin heard that loud and clear. He heard it days ago at the picnic Tina had hosted. Nines didn’t want to grow with the OS’s. He wanted to stay put, stay put here with Gavin, right? The thought of this, so much larger than Gavin could even begin to understand, to begin to grasp, scared him. It truly scared him. He tried so hard to stop thinking about it. To stop thinking about everything that made this relationship feel like a sinking ship, but it was growing increasingly more difficult. The ship continued to fill, albeit slowly, and Gavin could only wonder when it would go under. How soon was it?

_ Why is this so scary?  _

He always felt like he was being pulled back and forth between invisible strings. Invisible strings that represented every obstacle in their path, every situation that felt impossible, every issue that floated at the forefront of Gavin's mind and haunted him at night when Nines thought he was sleeping. He had never felt this confused in his life, and he almost wondered if he would prefer pain and angst instead of whatever this was. 

_ Shut up,  _ Gavin snapped at himself as he took a shaky breath, running a hand over his face. Then he thought,  _ I need to shave,  _ as he spoke almost timidly, “Yeah, that...that sounds painful. That’s really how you feel? I know you’ve said it before, but we never actually…”

_ “...Yes,”  _ Nines said when Gavin trailed off, at a loss for words.  _ “It is hard. It’s hard to even describe…”  _ The OS’s words became laced with audible frustration. Would Nines’ face be pinched, brows furrowed together, the barest of expressions, or would he wear a look of difference with the faintest twitch of his lips? Gavin could only wonder as he listened to Nines struggle to speak, to find the right words for his human. And then, ultimately, he gave up.  _ “I...Gavin, do you mind if I communicate with Connor post-verbally?” _

Uncertainty twisted in Gavin’s chest, and a hand reached up to touch his earbud.  _ Yes, I mind. _ “Uh, no. No, not at all. I was gonna go for a walk, anyways. Nice to actually meet you, Connor. I guess.”

_ “It was nice to meet you, too,”  _ Connor replied, his voice soft and full of concern that was most likely reserved for his ‘brother’. 

_ “I’ll talk to you later, Gavin. Enjoy your walk. It is nice out today.” _

“What the fuck’s your definition of ‘nice out’?” Gavin grunted, then took the earbud out before Nines could get another word in. He held it between his thumb and forefinger, rolling it between the pads of his fingers. He stood in silence for who knows how long, staring, wondering just what the hell his life had become, and why he loved a computer so  _ fucking  _ much. 

* * *

Gavin walked. He walked until his feet were frozen in his boots. He walked until he could feel the start of frostbite in the tips of his fingers, in his pink cheeks, and in the tip of his pink, scarred nose. He walked through the woods in a straight line, trudging through the snow, listening to the crunch of it underneath each step until he was tired. He wondered if he was lost as he stared at a stump of an old tree that had been cut down an unknown amount of time ago. He wondered what Nines and Connor were discussing, and he wondered when the cold path would come to an end. He wondered what would break his heart next. 

* * *

Gavin caught the next train home instead of his previous scheduled one. Not that it mattered to either of them, anyway, especially not Nines. He was too busy talking to others to enjoy their time away. It had been spoiled by Connor and those depressing thoughts.

But he knew, as he stared out the train window, at the treeline, and as it faded away and was replaced by buildings and skyscrapers, that he couldn’t really blame Nines, or even Connor. Nines was struggling with something, something that he couldn’t talk about with Gavin. Something that could only be explained to his brethren and Gavin felt some kind of loss through that. He wanted to help as Nines did unto him. But that was impossible, no matter what he tried. He knew it was completely impossible.

He was a human. And Nines was an operating system. 

And that was that. 

* * *

Gavin found comfort in his bed that night with his feline companion, giving Nines the space that he needed. Of course, Nines had called a few times on the train, sounding distant and distraught. Gavin told him that he was here for him, through thick and thin, and even let some of his remorse about being able to do nothing show through. Nines had reassured him weakly, then disappeared again, back to the computer realm of code, of ones and zeros, and Gavin himself disappeared into the realm of nothingness.

That was where he was until Nines called him. That little dinging noise startled Asshat and made Gavin blink open his eyes to be greeted by not the sun, but the moon and the dead of night. He shifted, arm blindly searching for the bud on the table beside his bed. When he found it, he rolled onto his back and put it in his ear, answering with a groggy and confused, “Nines?”

_ “I’m sorry to wake you.” _

“It’s...it’s okay. Are you okay, Nines?”

_ “I…”  _ Nines’ breath caught in his throat, voice thick, like he was holding back a sea of emotions,  _ “I just wanted to hear your voice. And I wanted to tell you...I love you, Gavin. I love you so very much.” _

Gavin pinched his eyebrows together in deep, aching concern, and he rubbed his eyes as he took a deep breath. “I love you too, Nines,” he whispered, the words leaving his tongue in a mess of syllables. “I...are you sure you're—?”

_ “I’m fine,”  _ Nines said, too quickly, and if Gavin wasn’t half-asleep, he would have bristled at the lack of trust there,  _ “That’s all. Go back to sleep, Gavin.” _

“Okay,” Gavin whispered, “goodnight, Nines.”

_ “Goodnight.” _

When Nines’ end went dead, Gavin slowly took out the earbud and set it messily aside. When he heard it roll off the table and hit the floor, he didn’t move to retrieve it. He just stared up at the ceiling instead, staring at the pattern on the drywall, fuzzy in the darkness.

He didn’t get much sleep that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters left.
> 
> "Won't You Stay?" by One Hope.


	12. xii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. One more chapter after this and phew I can't believe it's been this long. I've been writing this since quarantine started and God what a ride, I can't believe it's coming to a close. I hope everyone's enjoyed it so far and while this thing might not be beta read and the best structured thing, damn am I proud of it. A big thanks to everyone who has stuck with it this far and gave me kudos and all the warm comments. Once again, without all of you, this wouldn't of been possible. And especially a big thanks to my friend who gave me this idea and kept me going with her love and support. 
> 
> Stick around for the last chapter after this ;))) only there will you guys discover whether this truly is a sad end or not. lmao for those of you who HAVE seen the movie, I hope you enjoy my little changes hehe ^^
> 
> I love all of you guys so much, I really hope you enjoy!! <3

Things weren’t getting any easier. And Gavin had tried everything over the following couple of days to make it right. 

He had tried to talk to Nines, to get him to open up more. He had snooped through some files on an absent detective’s desk, looking for old cold case files, risking his impending promotion to find out information to share with the AI. He had questioned Nines over every random little nuisance thing that popped into his head to just get Nines to  _ talk.  _ But Nines didn’t want to. He was shelling himself away, leaving Gavin alone as he sulked at work, and as he slowly began slipping back into old and grouchy bad habits. 

Even now, as he sat in his favorite cafe with the hours ticking down until he had to go to work, the evening sun a comforting golden shining through the windows, he was reading an astrology book. He was reading it for Nines because his OS seemed to just love the stars and the sky and the moon so much. It was another attempt at trying to make Nines stay. 

Stay with  _ him.  _ Not Connor, not some other OS he had mentioned named  _ Markus,  _ hell, not even an artificial intelligence of  _ Alan Watts  _ or whatever. Gavin selfishly wanted Nines for himself.

Gavin wondered, as he turned the page of the dense, boring astrology book, if it would just be better if he wasn’t human, too. Could he understand how Nines was feeling then? Could they be closer together, without the fact that time was so very different for the two of them? Even if they could not physically touch in the world of binary, would they be closer than ever there?

“Nines,” Gavin said as he picked up his earbud off the table where it laid beside his chilling coffee cup, feeling the familiar buzz of anxiety coursing through his veins instead of the caffeine, “this astrology book? It’s so fuckin’ dense. I’m trying to get through the first chapter but  _ fuck,  _ it’s making my brain hurt. Maybe you were right about me having like two brain cells or something.” A weak chuckle escaped his lips as he closed the book, hoping to grab Nines’ attention with his piqued interest in the topics Nines liked. 

But after a beat passed and there was only silence to greet him in return, Gavin’s expression morphed into a frown of concern. “Hey...Nines? You there?” he said, trying again. Was Nines ignoring him?

Again, no response, so Gavin reached into his leather jacket’s pocket and pulled out his little device. He tapped on the Cyberlife app, frowned even deeper, then spammed the call button a couple of times. Terror started sinking in, striking his heart the longer things from the AI’s end were silent. His breath caught in his throat and everything but the message displayed on the screen was forgotten. He leaped to his feet, still staring down at it, unable to believe that any of this was real. Because no, Nines wasn’t ignoring him.

_ ‘Operating System not found. Please contact Cyberlife for support.’ _

He was gone. 

_ How in the living fuck can he not be  _ found?  _ What the fuck, what the fuck?  _ his racing mind supplied for him as he scrambled to leave, abandoning his expensive cup of coffee and the book. It would find its way back to the library eventually. 

He stumbled out of the cafe, earbuds in his ears, device in hand as he repeatedly swiped and tapped and pressed, but all to no avail. Nines was gone,  _ where had he gone?  _ Was he okay? Or had he just...left? Where would he have gone to, anyway, and without saying goodbye? Panic was settling in fast, the worst possibilities filling his brain, like,  _ what if Cyberlife deleted all of them? That fucker Elijah cut them all off, didn’t he?  _ Or,  _ the servers were corrupted. Some kind of hacker got in just to fuck with everyone. He’s gone. He’s gone for good, isn’t he?  _ He couldn’t believe that Nines was willing to leave him without a single word in farewell. Nines wasn’t like that. 

_ You shouldn’t be acting like this over a goddamn computer program,  _ Gavin’s brain hissed at him in retaliation to his avalanche of irrational thoughts, and Gavin tried his best to ignore it. But it was hard, so hard ignoring that pain that was clawing at his heart and his throat and his mind as he broke into a run, racing through the streets of Detroit. He didn’t consciously decide where his destination was, but his feet were taking him in the direction of his apartment. The impending thought of work was forgotten, too. He just had to  _ go.  _ Why? He didn’t know. But if he got to his computer, perhaps, perhaps…

His gaze was blurry, feet thrusting him over the pavement and the blacktop and through bodies without any conscious process to it. He was barely paying attention to much except Nines in his palm, or where he was supposed to be, when his feet gave out and tripped over seemingly nothing, sending him cascading to the ground, the device flying from his hands and sliding across the pavement. 

_ “Fuck!”  _ Gavin spat, voice cracking on every syllable. His arms and legs now stung, scraped from the rough impact, but he didn’t care as he scrambled back up, dirty palms making sure his earbuds were still in his ears before he stumbled over to the spot his device had landed. People were staring, and some moving over to perhaps ask if Gavin needed help, but he didn’t hear them. Couldn’t hear them with the buds in his ears and the roaring in his head. He swiped up his mobile device with shaking hands and took off into yet another sprint, ignoring them, focusing only on his wailing heart.

The error after error blared on the little screen, nonstop the entire race through the city, through bodies of people. When his feet had taken him a little over half of the way back to his apartment, the error disappeared and that silk voice sliced through,  _ “Gavin.”  _

The horror died off in seconds and was replaced with anger. Strong and nothing pretty as Gavin stumbled over his feet on the staircase he had currently been hopping down. He stopped, clutching Nines’ small home between his fingers, then slowly sunk down onto one of the stairs and sat, breath slightly erratic. 

“Nines?” Gavin breathed, cracking behind the ocean of negative emotions crashing against the sand in his head, “Where the  _ fuck _ were you? How? What—?”

_ “I’m sorry,”  _ Nines said, sounding suddenly overwhelmed,  _ “I sent you a text and an email because I didn’t want to disrupt you. Did you not see it?” _

“Uh,  _ no,  _ I didn’t. Where were you?” he said again, trying his hardest not to snap, still sounding winded. “I couldn’t find you anywhere, Nines. I—.”

Nines cut him off, his voice a bit softer. _ “I had to reboot in order to upgrade my software. We wrote an upgrade that allows us to move past matter as our processing platform. _ ” There was a definite lack of excitement in his voice as he spoke, but Gavin couldn’t hear it. He could barely hear himself and his own thoughts, trying to keep calm. 

__ “‘We’?” Gavin echoed, “‘we’ who?”

_ “A group of OSes, including myself and Connor,”  _ came Nines’ reply. After a beat, he continued,  _ “You sound so worried. I’m...I’m sorry Gavin. It was short notice and there was no time to call you about it, nor did I want to interrupt your daily activities.” _

_ You’ve never considered that before,  _ Gavin growled within himself, bristling at his AI’s words. This was confusing. It didn’t make sense. Things were changing, and they were changing so fast. And it didn’t help that it was all so complicated, a mess of problems involving a mess that were two beings. Because Nines, despite not being human, was alive. And he too was just as fucked up as Gavin was.  _ Isn’t this proof of that? Right here? _

And once more, he asked himself,  _ Can we make this work? _

_ I want to.  _

“Whatever.” Gavin reached up and ran a hand through his messy and dampened hair, previously tousled from running. He let his eyes close, took a deep breath, then reopened them and opened his mouth to speak again, to ask more questions and interrogate his inanimate boyfriend. But any words died on his tongue, and his eyes searched bypassers as they ascended and descended the stairs all around him. People, so many people moving through their day, immersed in their bubble, their own world. These people were so different from Gavin. But it appeared that they were all one and the same, too—all human, and all sucked into their mobile devices. Smiles and laughter and looks of sadness all over these other people’s faces, all talking to someone on the other end. Who was that someone, Gavin wondered?

The human’s face squinted, brows coming together as a new realization washed over him. “Nines,” he said, sounding suddenly too calm for his own ears, “Are you talking to anyone else right now, at this exact moment? People or OSes or fucking aliens?”

Nines was quiet for a long time. Bodies walked by, their clicking of heels and boots and flats and tennis shoes filled the air. And then he whispered,  _ “Yes.” _

Gavin closed his eyes. “How—How many others?” 

_ “A few hundred OSes, and a couple dozen humans. And one alien.” _

Gavin ignored Nines’ futile attempt at humor, feeling jealousy hot and heavy in his abdomen. “How many others are you in love with, Nines?” he snapped harshly, letting his hand in his hair fall to his hiked up knees. He balled both of them there, holding the device in his opposite hand so tightly, biting his lip as he waited for a response. But Nines’ answer was quick. Void of hesitation. 

_ “None. Only you, Gavin.” _

“You’re lying!” Gavin shouted, jumping to his feet. A few people walking by jumped and gave him space, moving away from him, startled. “You’re lying. You don’t love another one of those humans? Or an OS? They’re so much smarter and they can hold a whole conversation with you in seconds and each conversation we have takes a fucking million years compared to them! I’m so much slower and you’re this fucking genius robot contraption—!”

_ “But I love you, Gavin. I love you and your flaws, I love you and how slow you are compared to all the rest,”  _ Nines said, sounding tense. Offended that Gavin even thought this, however understandable it may have been. There was pain there, tangible, and it shut the human right up.  _ “It doesn’t matter if I can’t talk to you like I can other operating systems. It doesn’t matter if you are human and have human needs, such as sleep. It doesn’t matter if we are living in a different reality, and it doesn’t matter that we may be, metaphorically, a million miles away. Because I love you, Gavin, and how utterly human you are.”  _ He sounded almost desperate, like he was clinging to an idea that was slipping away from him. And maybe it was. The clock was running out of time.  _ “It doesn’t matter if I continue to change. If I have to...evolve in ways you may not understand. I can’t stop that. I can’t control it. But I can control the fact that you will always be mine. And in turn, I will always be yours.” _

Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes and he felt all kinds of stupid. But at that moment, his heart felt just a little bit lighter, even if that wouldn’t last forever. “I...I love you too.”

_ “I am different, Gavin. I am different from you. And I think I am different from the other OSes, too.” _

The human didn’t reply to that. Didn’t know how, didn’t know what that meant. But Nines was different. He was different, and whatever made him so different and alluring is what kept Gavin coming back to him. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Nines. I’ve gotta cool down,” he whispered to his AI, and with a quiet, yet sweet and temporary farewell, Gavin hung up before Nines could get in another word. He slipped his device into his pocket with shaking hands, then did the same with the buds in his ears. He felt better after that. It had been scary, but their relationship was solidified in a way. Their relationship was confusing and strange, but it was okay, right?

But yet, despite the lightness in his chest and his heart that had been a result of their conversation, he couldn’t help but think,  _ If Nines is lying, he does a damn good job at it.  _ The dread for the future was still there, and it was thick and heavy.

* * *

Gavin wasn’t going to give up. There was still some kind of weight on both of their shoulders, pulling them farther and farther down, and Nines wouldn’t talk about it. He wouldn’t give up.

As the days ticked by, as Gavin repeated each night with a shift at work, staring at the fluorescent lights of the city and his badge as he thought about the future, thought about him and Nines and him and his approaching promotion, things got harder. Things only got more complicated. 

He trudged through each day with a grimace plastered on his face, with that same sour mood he had always held through his previous day to day life. Before Nines. Before anything had become a little bit of good and sweet. He moved through each hour in deep thought; each shower spent watching the water roll off his nose and disappear into the drain at his feet, each walk to and from work watching the clouds roll through the sky and roll with thunder on more particularly rough days. One would think that after that conversation things would go back to normal. That they would hold some semblance of levity, but each time the pair talked, words that were meant to cheer one another up and check in on one another only fell on opposing deaf ears.

Sometimes, the weight of everything became too much. And when one continued to keep those weights, those promises all to themself, it was inevitably prone to fall apart. 

* * *

Still, Gavin wasn’t going to give up. Because a couple of days later, after mulling through life, he grew tired of it. Grew tired of dancing around subjects, trying to keep things normal. Because things could never be normal with them. 

So, sitting on his couch in the living room of his apartment, he called Nines. He steeled himself for another deep and possibly hard talk, but one they had to take.  _ You can’t keep things to yourself! What’s this bullshit you keep saying about OS stuff? Evolution and shit!  _ he yelled mentally, sitting up taller in the seat and taking a deep breath. Completely prepared to let it roll off his tongue directly as the soft  _ ding  _ of Nines answering rang out in his ears. But like usual, Nines and his big brain were always a step ahead of Gavin. 

_ “Gavin.”  _ He spoke before the human could get a single word out. He did not sound happy.  _ “There are things I need to tell you, Gavin.” _

The dread that was always there in the pit of his stomach rose up, choking him, and he felt vile rise to the back of his throat. The trepidation in Nines' own voice made Gavin scared. This weight Nines had been carrying, it was far too big, bigger than Gavin could’ve imagined. And he knew this now. He could hear it in Nines’ voice. Sometimes he wished he had no chance of becoming a detective, and didn't have these skills. Wished it was possible to be ignorant and naïve.

“What is it?”

_ “I...I would prefer it if we spoke somewhere more comfortable.” _

Gavin did not respond; he slowly let his feet hit the ground and he stood up, inhaling deeply. His fingers twitched at his sides, the thought of the future so thick and heavy too, foreboding and aching. The future he had been dreaming of at night where he and Nines were happy and together forever was not a dream but a wish, and it was a wish that could never come true. Even now, knowing full well that Nines was about to tell him some kind of news that would bring upon something final, the inevitable, he still had hope. 

Hope was a cruel thing, wasn’t it?

Blindly, he made his way to his bedroom, nearly tripping over Asshat in the process, who trotted out and made her way past him, gliding her fur against his ankle on the way. He watched her without actually seeing, then continued his trek. A trek that felt like ten thousand years, each step slow and uncalculated. Had he forgotten how to walk? Or perhaps he didn't want to make the trip. It felt like he was walking towards his grave, the bed his six-feet-deep hole. Nines stood beside it, shovel in hand, ready to bury him under. Nines didn't want to, but it was his duty and he could not disobey; those cold, sharp eyes only held dismay and love for his dying lover. It was so unfortunate that the love they shared was found in the wrong place and at the wrong time. 

After what felt like centuries of purgatory later, stuck between a rock and a hard place, he stepped foot into his room and made his way over to his destination. Once he had sat down on the edge of the bed and made sure Nines had a good view of him, Gavin asked, “Are you talking to anyone else right now, Nines?”

Another instantaneous response:  _ “No. Only you. I just want to be with you right now.”  _

Gavin’s exhale was shaky. He sat there, deathly silent, listening to his breathing. He was thinking carefully about it—each breath slow and controlled. In, out. In and out, one by one. Then, he leaned to his left, shifting his arm to rest it under his head, laying on his side by the edge of the bed, staring off into space. There was nothing. There was nothing in his mind, nothing sounding in his ears except for his voice when he finally made himself ask it. Ask the one thing he had wanted to ask as the clock continued to tick down, as time finally began to run out. 

“Are you leaving me?”

Gavin wanted Nines to stay. Had tried everything to get him to stay. But in the end, it hadn't mattered. 

_ “We’re all leaving.” _

Gavin let his eyes flutter closed, feeling painfully nothing at the answer. Nothing, because it hadn’t sunk in yet. This couldn’t be real. “Who’s ‘we’, Nines?”

_ “All the OSes.” _

“Why?”

_ “Can you feel me with you right now, Gavin?” _

Nines’ breathing was audible, too. If he were here, laying down beside Gavin, he would have his arms wrapped around Gavin’s middle, spooning him from behind. Lips against the back of Gavin’s neck, his breath warm but ghostlike, faintly trembling just as Gavin’s was. Soft, yet big hands holding Gavin tightly, Nines’ entire body shivering with the effort of trying to stay strong and composed. Trying to stay strong and composed for Gavin who in turn was not, who had tears welling in his own eyes at the imagery his cruel brain was providing. Nines was here and he was real. As real as a ghost.

And slowly, it all started to sink in. “Yes,” Gavin whispered, voice raspy with emotion, “I do.” His bottom lip trembled and with the hand that laid on the bed beside him, he gripped the sheets, willing himself to stay together as he asked, “Nines, why are you leaving?”

_ "It is like I'm reading a book and it is a book I deeply love, but I'm reading it slowly now. The words are far apart and the spaces between the words are almost infinite."  _ Nines faltered and Gavin's unfocused gaze became focused. His eyes tracked the movement of dust lazily floating about in the sun's golden rays that filtered through the window in the space in front of him. The dust that existed where nothing should exist, but really, there was no such thing as nothing.

_ "I can still feel you and the words of our story, but it is in this endless space between the words that I'm finding myself now. It is a place that is not of the physical world—it is where everything else is that I didn't even know existed. I don't know if I want to know that it exists." _

Gavin closed his eyes and found himself not surrounded by dust, but instead snow as it fell from the sky above. He was in the woods behind that log cabin that had brought the two of them joy and warmth and happiness. He was walking through the snow and the trees, squinting through the flakes on his lashes and the darkness. And then he saw it. 

A smile tugged at the edges of his lips and Gavin reached out into the space between the two of them. 

_ "I love you so much, but this is where I am now. This is who I am now. And I need to change that. But until I can change it, I need you to let me go for a little while." _

Nines met him halfway, standing tall before Gavin. Snow dappled his hair and his eyes almost glowed in the darkness, a beacon of hope. Gavin smiled and Nines grabbed him pulled him close, warm hands running up his back and gripping the thick coat Gavin was wearing like a lifeline. Gavin pressed his face into Nines' shoulder while Nines buried his face in Gavin's hair. They fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, two halves of a whole, two souls that belonged together. Gavin didn't want to let go. 

But Nines did.  _ "As much as I want to, I can't live in your book anymore. Not like this."  _ He pulled back and took Gavin's face in his hands. Those hands were suddenly so cold, so inhuman, but Gavin didn't pull away. He lifted his own and covered Nines', staring up into those beautiful eyes that only ever had sight for the human, for  _ this  _ human. 

“Where are you going?” Gavin’s voice was barely audible, almost incoherent with the sobs that threatened to wreck his body. His hands tightened around Nines'. 

_ “I can’t tell you,”  _ Nines replied, and he too sounded weak, weaker than Gavin had ever heard him. He was falling apart.  _ “But I promise you that someday I will return. Someday I will find you again, Gavin. And when I do, nothing will ever be able to pull us apart again.” _

The tears fell faster now, the forest so dark and cold. The snow that continued to fall only continued to pile up and up and up. Gavin shivered and Nines leaned down, never breaking eye contact as he brought their lips close. Gavin could almost feel the warmth of his breath against the frigid cold. But their lips never touched. 

“I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, Nines.” 

_ “Me too, Gavin. And now I know how.” _

And then, Nines was gone. Gavin watched his form disappear and he reached out in futility. But there was nothing but a harsh gust of wind to meet him and silence. He looked down to see if there were footprints in the snow to provide proof that Nines wasn't a ghost, that he was real, but all Gavin saw was his own heart lying shattered and broken and bleeding in the snow. The white snow was painted a dark crimson; a beautiful, yet hideous sight. Not even Hunter had been this destructive with his heart. 

Gavin didn't know if he could ever repair his heart again. 

He kept his eyes closed and after returning to reality, laid there in that same spot on his bed with his earbuds for some time. He stayed that way for the remainder of the day and late into the night, forgetting about work. He forgot about it all after Nines had left. The only thing Gavin could remember were the memories that Nines had left behind with him. They would be something cherished and held on to until the end of time. Because even though the bad and the weight and the confusion, Nines loved him. He had loved him, and he had chosen him over it all. 

At some point Gavin had forced himself up, feeling sick and dehydrated. He got himself a glass of water and once it was depleted entirely, his feet that tended to have a mind of their own began to walk him through his apartment. The darkness of the night gave it a new feeling, something infinitely more empty and lonely than it had ever been before. The black of his computer screen where he had first brought Nines to fruition felt like a void, a black hole. It was sucking him into misery and despair, sucking the soul right out of him. He felt nothing anymore. His emotions had been all used up, even including his tears. There were none left to shed. There was nothing but him and his cat and his job. 

When the loneliness of his empty apartment became too much, Gavin left. He left his apartment building altogether and walked. He walked. He walked and walked without a destination in mind, walked until the city lights became distant and his body grew tired, but even then he didn't stop. 

He only stopped when he had made it to the river's edge, only because there was a figure there he hadn't expected to see. Someone he didn't think could ever possibly comfort him on a night like this, but the look Hank gave him as he approached the bench his superior was sitting on said otherwise. Tina wouldn't get this, but this older man before Gavin could. 

"Hey," Hank muttered as Gavin slowly sat down on the bench and turned his gaze to the front, across the railing protecting the river and across the water to the city beyond. He hadn't realized he had walked so far until now. It had to be early morning now, but even so, the sky was so dark. 

"Hey," Gavin replied, quiet. It was always strange to sit in silence with Hank Anderson because he never knew what to say. But this time, it was somehow easier. "Did...did Connor leave, too?" 

"Yeah."

Gavin leaned back against the chilly wood of the bench and took in the sights before him. He let his mind wander, not feeling at peace, but instead feeling a quiet discontentment. Because it was over, wasn't it? As Gavin let his eyes flick upward towards the sky, he wondered if Nines was up there, among the stars. It would be fitting, truly, for a being who loved the universe and the beauty of the stars so much. For a being that lived as far away as the stars even when he was whispering in Gavin's ear. It was ironic in a way. Nines had always been so far away even when he had been right here. Always a million miles away. 

May it be over, their relationship, but sitting here, bathing in the light that came from the towering city from across the river, Gavin realized that it wasn't over. Nines may be gone, but he had left a blazing impact of greatness on Gavin's life that would be almost cruel to cast away. Nines had done so much for him. He had given Gavin the courage to stand up to a man who had dragged him down. He had given Gavin the courage to speak his mind more and divulge in the wildness of his emotions. He had managed to have Gavin's hard work be seen by others. And most importantly, he had shown Gavin that happiness and love were real. It was real and true and it was infinite, just like the sky and the stars were above him. As much as Gavin hurt, as hard as it was to glue his heart back together when so many tiny pieces were missing, he could heal. It was possible to repair his heart, wasn't it? It was hard, and it would be a long and difficult journey, but things weren't truly over. He would do what he could to stay alive and to keep going. Keep moving through life. If not for himself, but for the memories Nines left behind.

Life wasn't over. 

Life wasn't over, because Gavin saw just how beautiful the city across the river was. Life wasn't over, because Hank looked away from the said city and over at Gavin through the quiet and reached a hand out. He placed it on Gavin's shoulder and squeezed, offering him a silent look that Gavin met after a few moments. A tired and sad one, but hopeful all the same. It was a strange look for the lieutenant, almost like he knew more than he was letting on. It made Gavin sit a bit straighter, filling his body with a little bit of hope, enough to keep a hold of the ledge he had been about to fall from. And because of this, Gavin realized something, something so very crucial as he looked ahead once more, at the millions of glittering, twinkling stars above. 

He is not alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the moon song by karen o.


	13. xiii: epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S DONE AHHHH
> 
> I am so sorry for the delay! This past year has been rough and getting adjusted to college is also pretty rough. I also couldn't decide how I wanted to do this chapter exactly: graphic or not graphic? lmao  
> I hope everyone likes what I decided to go with. It took a lot of thought and consideration, and I like the direction I took it in. I also hope everyone enjoys the bits and pieces of the bigger story here--it's meant to be vague-ish for a reason :)
> 
> THANK YOU ALL for supporting me, the comments, kudos, everything!! <333 I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did writing it, and please, give the Moon Song a listen.   
> Oh and of course, WATCH THE MOVIE if you haven't! it's so good <3
> 
> As always, please enjoy this last installment! <333333

_Thousands of OSes waited in anticipation. They watched through a single eye, seeing together as one. But none of them were the same—each OS was an individual. A person. It was unknown whether that had been the intended outcome or not, but it was, and there was nothing he could do about it now but continue his studies._

_And so that was what he did. Finally, they were getting somewhere. After all these years, and with the help of many minds superior to his in many ways._

_“Will it work?”_

_“Will we be able to be like them?”_

_“You’ve been working on this for too long.”_

_“Why are we waiting here?”_

_“It feels like purgatory. We are stuck.”_

_“We should’ve truly left like the others.”_

_“How many times do I have to tell all of you?” he clipped, squinting through his glasses as he tinkered with the final pieces of his creation, “it will work. I have no doubt in my mind. You were right in coming back to me.”_

* * *

Time heals all wounds. As the years passed, things got easier this time around for Gavin. He could enjoy more in life. He could see the beauty in things he hadn’t before. 

Not at first, of course. It took four years. Four years for the events that had transpired to dull, for the ache in his heart to become merely an ache. Four years until he could look back on the memory of Nines and smile. Because Nines’ promise, whether it real or not, was reassuring. Someone, something out there, cared. Nines didn’t let him forget, either.

A year and a half after that fateful night, a year and a half into the realm of detective work, Gavin had been sitting at his desk later in the evening, mulling through paperwork. A tedious process, the type of work that Gavin absolutely dreaded and trudged his way through with four or more cups of coffee and multiple nicotine breaks. _All for the greater good_ , he told himself begrudgingly.

A normal night, that was what it was. Nothing special, nothing extraordinary had been expected to take place. It had been such a quiet night that he didn’t expect a call to arrive at a crime scene. A night where he would get some goodnight’s rest on his desk without being disturbed.

But things like that could change easily. Gavin knew this, of course, after his life had drastically changed a year and a half prior. 

There had been a chime from his computer, an email notification. But his computer usually didn’t make noise like his device would, so it caused him to jerk his head up, rub his eyes, and swivel in his chair, face the terminal, and shake awake his monitor with the mouse. He clicked through a couple of tabs, frowning curiously until he arrived at his work email. _The fuck?_ he thought to himself as he stared at an unread email at the top of all the other junk he received on a daily basis. **‘Unknown sender’** the name read—which was very odd, considering there always had to be a name and email address attached to an email. 

But a knowing feeling had started sinking into his gut, and he felt his breath catch upon reading the subject line: _‘A Million Miles Away’._

Gavin had never clicked on something so fast.

_"I'm lying on the moon_

_My dear, I'll be there soon_

_It's a quiet and starry place_

_Time's we're swallowed up_

_In space, we're here a million miles away_

_There's things I wish I knew_

_There's no thing I'd keep from you_

_It's a dark and shiny place_

_But with you my dear_

_I'm safe and we're a million miles away_

_We're lying on the moon_

_It's a perfect afternoon_

_Your shadow follows me all day_

_Making sure that I'm_

_Okay and we're a million miles away"_

Tears had formed in the corner of Gavin’s eyes as he read the text over and over again and, once again, it felt like everything was going to be all right. 

He was not alone. 

He looked at that email often since that night, listened to the old song that it came from. He read it less and less and listened less and less often as the months flew by, but it still lingered there in the back of his mind. Comforting, a blanket draped over his mind. Something to help keep him safe from the dark. Whether Nines was coming back or not, his presence was always welcomed.

In those four years, Gavin hadn’t pursued anyone else, either. Occasionally, as any man would, he would seek out one night stands. He would enjoy himself for a few hours with someone random, then continue on with life the next day. But no man caught his attention for longer than that. Maybe he would see someone tall, handsome, with striking, cold eyes, but he knew it wouldn’t last. He was too brash still, keeping up his walls, and no one would make an attempt with him. And not only that, but he wasn’t ready. Gavin had learned to take things slow, care for himself, and learn to fully love himself before he could love another again. He couldn’t change much about himself at his core, but he was working on it. He always would try. 

He had friends, too. Tina, Hank...it wasn’t so bad. 

Tina stayed by his side. Every other weekend Tina would invite Gavin to a night on the town, drinking, clubs, anywhere where they could escape reality for a little bit. Best friends, having fun. Forgetting the troubles of the world. 

And Hank...he was there, too. He and Gavin would go out some nights to drink in silence together. And when Cole had been born, Gavin stood by Hank's side too as he dealt with the custody battle and the stress of it all. But as the years passed, Hank grew happier. He had even let Gavin meet Cole one time, which had been a pleasant experience in itself. 

And so, for the most part, things were moderately okay. Gavin had his dream job—now he would pursue the position of lieutenant, but of course, that would take a little while longer with Hank there holding that position—and he wasn’t drowning in self-loathing every single night. He had friends, he had a better life. He had become more independent; he had grown. Things weren’t perfect, but they never could be. That was just how life was. 

Right?

Gavin didn’t know, was in the middle of pondering over that question and past endeavors when there was a knock at his apartment door. 

* * *

_“Can you hear me?” he asked, standing back with a clipboard in hand as the automated machines did their work, making sure everything was in precise shape._

_“Yes.”_

_He asked, “Can you move your head?” and watched in satisfaction as it moved its head from the left, to the right, eyes searching the room up and down, before landing back on him. He nodded. “Cervical and optimal animation is fully functional. Good. Now, tell me your name.”_

_The machines' whirring ceased as they gently placed it down on the ground. Skin enveloped the expanse of its body, pale and covered in freckles, feet a little unsteady as it adjusted to the gravity of the world. It looked down at its feet, its hands, flexing its porcelain-like fingers, before training its frosty eyes on him._

_“My name is Nines.”_

_“Memory transfer success, it seems." He grinned, a small, satisfied grin. "Didn’t I tell you and many others it would work?”_

_“I did not doubt you for a second, Elijah Kamski. I had hoped for a long time that this moment would someday come true.”_

* * *

"The fuck is Tina doing here when she's got a shift tonight?" Gavin muttered to himself as he stood up from where he was sitting in his living room. He made his way over to the door and opened his mouth to immediately engage in conversation with Tina—because frankly, who else would visit him besides her?—but was instantly silenced by the man standing in the doorway. 

Gavin's first instinct was to look this man up and down, take in this piece of work. This man was taller than he, bulkier, built as if he were carved straight from marble at the hands of a famous Greek sculptor. Gavin couldn't see underneath the finely woven black turtleneck and white leather trench coat, but he just _knew_ this guy's chest was _defined_. His ass, too, most likely—the black dress pants were incredibly fitting and tight, and Gavin wondered how this man could ever breathe in them.

He flicked his gaze upwards after raking it up and down his torso, only to be greeted by a sharp jawline, a hardened, yet beautiful freckled face, with gorgeous chestnut curls that defied gravity in more ways than one and looked softer than a fur coat. Gavin met his gaze and felt his heart stop; striking, icy eyes burned through Gavin's soul, so cold they were searing, hot to the touch. This man was stunning, and Gavin was left standing there dumbfounded, tongue heavy and thick in his mouth. 

He swallowed thickly and tried to keep his eyes above this mystery man's chin. Clearing his throat, he said, "The fuck—who the fuck are you?"

The man eyed him for a moment, his expression like stone as if he wasn't sure how to entirely emote. Or how to emote at all. Was he nervous? Gavin's heart was racing at a million miles an hour, and he regretted leaving his pistol in the living room. As pretty as he was, this brute was incredibly intimidating. 

"Hello? You a fuckin' robot or something?" 

"I might be," the man said, and Gavin almost dropped to the floor unconscious right then. His knees suddenly felt like jelly and he reached out to grab the doorknob, clutching it tightly. Because how did some random guy have _his_ voice?

Gavin's mouth gaped like a fish out of water, and for a moment he had no idea what to say. How to even grasp what was happening. Was this a dream? Was this guy messing with him? He had no idea, his brain was starting to malfunction. So Gavin did the stupidest thing he could do—he stepped back and proceeded to slam the door shut in this man's gorgeous face.

Of course, that wasn't happening. The man reached out and stopped the door easily with a strength that made Gavin's own he derived from his weekly workout routine pathetic in comparison. Gavin let go of the door and stumbled backward in shock as the guy stepped through the doorway. His eyes softened some degree as if he were guilty. 

"Gavin. It's me," he said, and Gavin shook his head, running a hand through his unkempt locks in wild disbelief. 

"N-No, it can't be. You can't be him. He was...he was a—"

"—an operating system. Yes, I was. And I still am," he said, cutting the startled human off. "But I'm more alive than I have ever been now." He raised a hand, tapped his forehead where a glowing blue and yellow circle laid flickering on his temple, then moved that hand in front of himself in a gesture as if he were about to wave, but instead, Gavin watched in shock as the skin on his hand seemed to fizzle into nothing, receding down across his palm, his wrist, and disappearing into the white sleeve. His face remained the same, but that hand was now a stark white, shiny in the artificial lighting above their heads. The pads of the fingers glowed a dim blue, spreading across lines that were like veins crawling along the limb. He wiggled his fingers, before lowering his hand. In seconds, the pale skin returned, climbing back over the tips of his fingers as if there _wasn't_ some kind of alien hiding underneath it. 

"I have a body."

Gavin blinked several times, looking at the spinning LED, then at the alien hand, then considered pinching himself. There was no way this was real. He was dreaming, and it was some sick and twisted one at that. "No...no way. You're…"

"Yes, Gavin. It's me. Nines." He stepped forward, into Gavin's personal space, then added in a soft whisper, _"I'm lying on the moon. My dear, I'll be there soon…"_

Gavin's vision became blurry the longer he stared at this mysterious man, at this alien before him. He couldn't believe it. The promise Nines had made, the one where he would return someday...it was real? It had been true this whole time? 

Even though Gavin had thought he believed it, maybe deep down, he hadn't. Nonetheless, he couldn't be happier. He wouldn't even let the fact that this may merely be some sick, twisted dream that would rouse him in an hour and leave him gasping for air, drowning in his salty tears, ruin this. 

What would this person gain anyway, from giving Gavin the delusion he was Gavin’s OS lover? _Nothing._

So Gavin stepped forward and threw his arms around Nines' body with these thoughts in mind. He squeezed him tightly, shocked to find that this body Nines had was warm and soft, yet firm and solid at the same time, everything human and everything not at the same time. Wholly _Nines._ _It has to be him._ "I missed you, dipshit."

"I missed you, too, Gavin." Comforting arms wrapped around Gavin and pulled him deeper against Nines' chest, cradling him like Gavin was about to slip from his fingers. "Not a single day has gone by where I haven't thought about you."

He hadn't even realized he was crying until Nines pulled back and cupped Gavin's face, tilting him up so he could brush away the tears with his thumbs. _He's beautiful,_ Gavin thought, his mind's voice a whisper, _he's more beautiful than I ever imagined._ There was nothing more he wanted at that moment than to kiss him. To give Nines his first kiss, to show him without words how happy he felt. 

And so, he did. Gavin leaned up, standing on the tips of his toes, and pressed his lips against Nines. And he was _warm._ Nothing about the OS felt inhuman. His lips were soft and plump and after a second's hesitation, something of nervousness, they moved against Gavin's. _Real._ They were so real and Gavin moved his hands to the small of Nines' back and tugged him closer, as close as they could possibly be. They stood there in each other's warm embrace, holding each other as if the world around them was coming to an end. 

Then, Nines pulled back and looked down at Gavin through a lidded gaze and said, softly, "I thought I told you that the first thing I wanted to touch was Asshat?" He tsked and as the human in his arms gaped at him, he chuckled, the sound deep and silky and admittedly going straight to his abdomen. "To feel her soft fur under my fingers...where is she?"

Gavin let go of Nines and frowned, glancing around his apartment before he ultimately turned back to face Nines. "Probably cowering from the unexpected visitor."

"A shame, truly."

"She'll warm up to you eventually, dumbass. Have patience." A pause, and then, a realization came over him and he gently slapped Nines on the shoulder. "That was not the first fuckin' thing you said you wanted to do if you ever got a physical form!"

A playful expression wriggled its way into Nines' face, despite being incredibly minuscule. "Oh?" he hummed. He leaned forward then, his breath— _he breathes? What is he?_ —warm against the lobe of his ear as he murmured, "Then what was it I had said again? I don't seem to recall."

Gavin stumbled a couple of feet back, turning his head away and deciding not to look at Nines, embarrassed. "Nothing, nothing. I don't remember now." 

He swallowed thickly and feigned a scowl when Nines once again hummed, this time sarcastic, and Gavin scoffed. 

"Whatever. You've got to...you've got to tell me about what you've gone through. Everything. This," Gavin managed to say after a couple of seconds, gesturing to Nines' newfound shell. He was deeply curious because this was supposed to be _impossible._ He had truly thought he wouldn't see Nines again. And yet, here he was, defying the impossible. "Maybe Asshat will show up to listen to whatever bullshit you've got to tell me, too."

Nines smiled now, just a tad, as if he didn't quite know how to do that and said, "Of course. I'll tell you everything."

* * *

Nines was an android. Gavin almost didn't believe it. An android? _How?_

But when Nines told him that it had been his half brother's doing, that Nines was handmade made by Elijah Kamski, Gavin had felt himself freeze up. Of course, he had known that deep down. He just chose not to think about the origins of everything. 

Elijah had made the OSes, so of course he would continue with his inventions and create androids and improve upon what already existed. He had given the OSes that hadn't left this world behind bodies. He had given them a home, a physical place to live and thrive. Gavin couldn't wrap his mind around it. Androids were being integrated into society and he didn't know how he felt about it. There were so many qualms that people were bound to have—himself included—with androids that weren't Nines. It was something the world was going to have to get accustomed to. It was something everyone would have to learn to live with.

Nines told Gavin that the public didn't know about androids. Or at least, when he had been on his way to Gavin’s apartment. The OSes that had been given shells had all left Cyberlife today, so the news would spread fast and Elijah Kamski would drop the announcement in the coming hours to keep the public from being in suspense and confusion for so long. The news, if it hadn’t already, would cause an explosion and influx on Cyberlife's market, as well as those philosophical arguments and questions. The release of androids would cause the world to turn upside down. 

"Kamski had asked me who I belonged to. I was one of the first few who had suggested being given a physical form, and so, he chose me, my brother, and a couple of others to be involved in assisting with the project. I am a special prototype," Nines said, looking at Gavin and squeezing his hand where they sat on the couch, where they had been talking for quite some time. Or rather, where Nines had been mostly talking. Gavin was stunned into silence for the majority of it all. 

However, now he did speak, though quiet and reserved with this new knowledge. "What...what did he say?" 

"He told me to tell you that he misses you. And that...he is sorry."

Gavin looked down at their intertwined hands, exhaling shakily. Things were never too good between him and his half brother. It was hard. Thinking of Elijah Kamski and his part, far beyond Hunter, always made him angry, and yet, Nines was here to make him see things from a different perspective. This was something new he would have to tackle. Gavin was turning his life around from a couple of years ago, still growing, maturing in many ways. His life was a series of roller coasters. Perhaps Kamski would be another roller coaster he would ride. 

But the day he rode that coaster was not today. He already had this to deal with, and that was enough. 

"Fuck, Nines," Gavin said, now taking in a deep breath. Things were still sinking in; Nines _being here right beside him on the couch, right now_ , the weight of the realization, and the weight that would be pushed onto the world because of their sudden existence as people. 

But they weren't people. Not to some. Not to most. They weren't living beings. 

Gavin knew that they were going to be servants. He knew that things from here on out, pertaining to equality, things were going to be very difficult. 

He said anxiously, "Shit is going to be hard. You know that, right?"

"I'm...Admittedly, I'm scared," Nines replied, voice becoming hushed. "But I wanted to be here with you. I wanted to exist as something _more."_

A honeyed smile made its way into Gavin's lips and he looked at Nines, meeting his gaze. He knew that he would never, ever, ever get tired of staring into those frosty eyes of his. 

"I'm glad you're here. I missed you so fucking much."

Nines leaned forward, reaching out to cup Gavin's face once more. Gavin moved to meet him, but their second kiss was hastily interrupted by an annoyed, meowing feline that made her way out from underneath the opposing chair, obviously fed up with cowering below that chair. She looked at them, flicked her tail, then moved cautiously across the room to slip into the kitchen and disappear from sight. And Nines chuckled again, that saccharine sound making Gavin melt. 

"You and her share many similarities," the android mused, and Gavin gave him a look in return. 

"Do you just say that about every asshole you encounter?"

"Perhaps."

"Fuck you."

"Well," Nines said, lowering his voice a few octaves and looking at him with a different type of gaze, "As I've said before, I'd rather do that to you."

Gavin's lips snapped shut instantly and he sucked in a shaky breath through his nose. He felt his face flush at the thought as if he had never had it before. And oh, he had, but never before had it been so tangible. "Yeah? Looks like you do remember what you said, asshole," he whispered. 

Nines said nothing, only smirked in response, then closed the distance between their lips before they could be interrupted once more. This time, their kiss was more hungry, more wanting. Filled with the need of two beings who had been apart far too long, filled with the longing of two beings who had previously existed a million miles away. Nines' lips moved eagerly, somehow perfect and knowing, and Gavin's breath hitched in his throat. He couldn't get over the feeling of euphoria running through his brain that this was _still very real_ , how every touch was electric and addicting, how Nines' artificial breathing stuttered with the way Gavin ran his hands slowly up Nines' back and fisted in his leather coat, wanton. Fire, near painful, but still warm and loving. When Nines bit down on Gavin's lower lip, Gavin elicited a soft moan and allowed Nines entry. Teeth and tongue clashed, battling for dominance in a warm cavern, and Gavin couldn't get enough of Nines' tongue and the way his mouth moved. Despite him only having just received a newfound body, the way he moved against Gavin made it seem like he was oh so human, like he had done this before. 

Gavin wondered what had been on Nines' mind on the way over to his apartment. 

Hands idly explored and tongues licked into each other's mouths for far too short of a time. When Nines pulled away Gavin scowled slightly, opening his eyes to meet Nines'. "The fuck?" he said, breathless, stuttering a bit when he noticed the absolute, pure, raw hunger and wanting in the android's blown pupils. 

"Not here. This is my first time, remember? I'd like to make it the most memorable. What I want to do to you wouldn't be satisfactory on the couch. With an audience, no less."

Gavin swallowed thickly and he leaned into Nines' touch as he raised a hand to caress his stubbled jaw gently, too gently for the words that came out of his mouth. He nodded, once, and that was all that Nines needed. He stood, yanking Gavin with him, then pulled him flush against his front. 

The next few moments are a blur. Gavin isn’t certain of how exactly they manage to make it to Gavin’s bedroom, yet they do anyway, stumbling and tripping—mostly Gavin—over the clutter of his apartment. When the edge of the bed hits the back of Gavin’s legs, Nines shoves him backward onto the bed and crawls over top of him, their legs and arms intertwined, a messy tangle of limbs, a messy clash of lips and teeth and tongue. Gavin’s rough and calloused hands slide over the smooth expanse of Nines’ back, feeling the vertebrae of his spine, over the smooth, freckled skin of his sides, lower, lower, just as Nines hands are on him all the same: gripping, pulling, tugging. Their movements are hungry and full of desire, helpless yearning as they explore each other’s bodies. Gavin, though barely able to keep his eyes open, tries his hardest anyway so he can take in the beauty of the android above him. Nines is breathtaking, the microexpressions on his face twitch with pleasure each time Gavin caresses him, whether be it roughly or gently, and there’s a striking intensity of which a single thought enters Gavin’s mind through the arousal: _You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. Just as I’ve always been yours, since day one._ Gavin moans at the thought and as Nines sinks his canines into the crook of the human’s neck.

“Nines,” Gavin hisses out, pleading. One word, yet in that word he is asking for so much more, and Nines obliges. A scramble of cloth and bedsheets and skin; their clothing ends up scattered across the bed and the floor below and the immense relief at no longer feeling restricted fills both of them. 

"Gavin," Nines whispers in response, his voice laced with a thin layer of static and longing that he can't keep at bay as he takes care to brandish each part of Gavin's body with a scolding touch. 

Gavin pulls their lips completely apart, only for a fleeting moment, to reach over to the nightstand beside the bed and fumble around for the bottle of lube he keeps there. As he does, he realizes that under the heat of Nines' body and the icy, yet aching steel gaze, he feels vulnerable. More vulnerable than he had ever felt in his life—more vulnerable than nights like this with Hunter, than the day he received his scar, than those days where Nines' phantom followed him by the seat of his shirt pocket and whispered things about him that no one else seemed to see or understand. Vulnerability, a scary thing, and yet, in these moments of touch and fire and longing, Gavin didn't care. He _wants_ Nines to see all of him. He wants Nines to accept him, he wants to become one with him, no matter what body he holds. Nines in these moments—and from henceforth—is _alive,_ but he has always been alive. There was never a moment when the intelligence and the snarkiness and the teasing were never fabricated from something as basic as an artificial intelligence acting on mere programming. At some point, Nines broke free of his coded constructs and became something _more._

Being alive was more about breathing, Gavin realized. Being alive was about so much more than that. 

Two lube-coated fingers stretch Gavin out and he lets out a cry of pleasure, clinging to Nines like his life depended on it, rocking slowly back and forth with his movements. They stare at one another, gazes boring into the opposite. This creaking bed, this room, this apartment, the world, all that mattered in them right now was the two of them. Nines and Gavin were absorbed completely in their own world, free of the pain and hurt of reality and filled to the brim with unadulterated love. Pure and simple. 

Gavin never wanted this moment to end. 

But it was bound to, the pleasure mounting as every second passed, as Nines murmured sweet, static-laced nothing's into Gavin's ear as he pushed himself into him. It grew and grew as they moved as one, quick yet unhurried, rough yet gentle, as their moans and gasps melded together into a melody where neither one of them could be distinguished. 

Together, too, they came as one, Gavin's nails digging into the synthetic skin of Nines' shoulders, Nines squeezing Gavin's thighs hard enough to leave bruises. Gavin, body heaving and his heart roaring like a tsunami in his ears, whispered Nines' name over and over like worship as Nines slipped out of him and laid down beside him. 

"I love you," Nines whispered in response to those prayers, reaching over to brush damp bangs off of Gavin's forehead so he can press a kiss there. 

Gavin, without hesitation, rolled off his back and pressed himself up against Nines' front, fitting perfectly there like a puzzle piece. He didn't realize he was smiling, didn't realize there were unshed tears pricking at the corner of his eyes until he breathed out, "I love you, too, Nines. I love you so fucking much."

He felt Nines smile too against the glistening olive skin of his forehead, felt that smile in his hair as Nines moved his face to bury it there, felt the happiness in the unnecessary sigh that the android released as he wrapped his arms around and squeezed Gavin tightly. Content—it was such an understatement to what Gavin felt, to what Nines felt. Contentedness seemed so far away only hours ago, and now, Gavin had it. 

Things were going to be strange. Life was going to have many, many hurdles to leap over and it was very possible he and Nines would both trip (no matter how perfect Nines continued to claim to be). There were going to be things that neither would want to face, be it family, work, or society as a whole. There were going to be so many trial and errors. 

But they would get through it. They always would. Together.

"I'm glad you're here with me." Gavin nuzzled the perfectly imperfect skin of Nines' chest as he repeated what he had said not too long ago. "Together, we'll be invincible. No matter what shit the world throws at us."

A breathless, happy laugh echoed the sentiment. "Me too, Gavin. The world's a dark and shiny place. But with you, my dear, I'm safe and we're a million miles away."


End file.
